Your Weekly American Top Ten List

 10.  Mr. Comey, you are a doting father, aren’t you?

 9.   This leaker stuff is way overblown, isn’t it?

 8.  How much courage did you need to summon to write about President Trump’s tan?

 7.  In your worldview, who’s the biggest hero, Andrew McCabe, St. Thomas More or Bob Mueller?

 6.   What was more fun, your honeymoon or writing this book?

 5.   How come you never went in for basketball?

 4.  Your book is a really good value, isn’t it?

 3.  Want some of my Raisinets?

 2.  Do you believe a neutral. fair minded anchor can compensate for a man-crush?

…and the NUMBER ONE QUESTION for JAMES COMEY DEEMED “TOO CONFRONTATIONAL” for GEORGE STEPHANOPOLIS’ INTERVIEW is:

 1.   You seem a little tight, Mr. Comey.   Want those burly shoulders massaged?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.   To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.    While on the site, catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

10.   Referral to the President’s personal barber.

 9.   Lifting tariffs on ​fine ​North Korean wines.

 8.  Establishment of an hourly JFK – Pyong-Yang air shuttle.

 7.  ​Destroy Nukes, obtain very next NBA expansion team.

 6.  Lessons on how to implement Trump tax cut.

 5.  Please help new North Korean friends to copy your “spring break” traditions.

 4.   Amazon and Walmart will promote the “LeaderKim Dr. Evil jacket” desig​ner collection 

                                    (​no tall sizes available).

 3.  Introductions to Andrew Cuomo and Bill DeBlasio, to learn how to make the one-party state more permanent.

 2.  North Korea seeking dealerships to sell cutting-edge Corvairs, Gremlins and Edsels.

…and the NUMBER ONE KIM JONG-UN NEGOTIATING GOAL for HIS UPCOMING SUMMIT with PRESIDENT TRUMP is:

 1.  Limits on American immigration in to his country.

Your “Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of actual news.   To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through posts from 2016, 2017 and 2018.  Enjoy!

10.   38% of daily Stolichnaya vodka drinkers believe they voted for Peter the Great.

 9.   97% of Russian voters agreed that they “could have delivered a better dossier for only $6 million” to Hillary.

 8.  38% of voters on the Kamchatka peninsula want their region renamed “Mar-a-Lago,” to improve the weather.

 7.   17% of Putin voters based their choice on his famous vocal version of “Blueberry Hill.”     (Google this for yourself)

 6.   43% of Putin voters believe he will quickly dump Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev in favor of Maria Sharapova.

 5.    100% of all Russian voters do not believe Senator Elizabeth Warren descended from Siberian Eskimos.

 4.   64% of Putin voters believe “the President would never invade Crimea or Ukraine.”

 3.  87% of these voters get their information from Russian television.

 2.  18% of all Russians surveyed think that Putin’s Tweets are “un-presidential.”

 …and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING RESULT from RUSSIAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION EXIT POLLS is:

 1.    53% of anti-Putin voters would move to Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, if they could.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended to provide humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.  To susbcribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016, 2017 and 2018.   Enjoy!

Gipperten.com and Your Weekly American Top Ten list wish our readers a blessed Holy Week and a happy Passover season.

10.  THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE WAS CREATED TO PREVENT THE ELECTION OF A WOMAN PRESIDENT.

 9.  ANGRY REDNECKS TOLD THEIR WIVES TO VOTE FOR TRUMP.    TOO BAD WE DON’T HAVE THE SECRET BALLOT IN AMERICA.

 8.  AS YOU KNOW, THE KU KLUX KLAN IS REALLY BIG IN WISCONSIN.

 7.  THERE WERE TOO MANY PEOPLE WHO, LIKE, DON’T WANT INDIAN-AMERICANS TO SUCCEED.  YOU KNOW, PEOPLE                                                     

                            LIKE NIKKI HALEY AND  BOBBY JINDAL.

 6.  ILLEGALS GOT US THE POPULAR VOTE, JUST NOT THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE. 

 5.  WE SURE DIDN’T GET OUR $12 MILLION WORTH OF DIRT ON TRUMP FROM THAT DOSSIER.

 4,  SOME VOTERS ACTUALLY OBJECTED TO MY ACID WASHING OF 33,000 GOVERNMENT EMAILS.

 3.  NOT ENOUGH OF THE “LITTLE PEOPLE” GRASPED THAT I AM THEIR SAVIOR.

 2.  OF COURSE TRUMP CARRIED FLORIDA.   ALL THOSE MILLIONS OF CADDIES AND WAITERS AT MAR-A-LAGO VOTED FOR HIM.

…and the NUMBER ONE LATEST EXCUSE for LOSING as TOLD to AUDIENCES in INDIA by HILLARY R. CLINTON is: 

 1.   EXIT POLLS SHOWED I COULD HAVE CARRIED PENNSYLVANIA AND MICHIGAN, IF I HAD ONLY WORN MINI-SKIRTS.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended to provide humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.  To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.   While you are on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through postings from 2016, 2017 and 2018.  Enjoy !!

10.​  “I only have three hours.  Should I attend an Andrew Cuomo opera or the Al Sharpton circus?”

 9.   “I don’t see no nightlife here!”   (-voicemail from Wild Avenue on Staten Island)

 8.   “Why ​does NYC allow​ the Elvis impersonators into the Tarzan impersonators contest?”

 7.   “Can you get a permit for human sacrifices in the Bronx?”

 6.  “You’re pulling my leg.  ALL of New York City is now a ‘Safe Space?'”

 5.  “I didn’t expect it, but those National Review guys are really funny after hours.”

 4.  “​I swear, it was a detective who told me that Riverside Park was ‘clothing optional.'”

 3.   “So I can’t own a gun here… ​but how about poison darts?”​

 2.  “I flew all the way to NYC because I heard that this guy DeBlasio was a great stand-up comic.”     (- Tourist from Gander, Newfoundland)

…  and the NUMBER ONE CALL THIS WEEK to the JUST-APPOINTED “EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF NIGHTLIFE” for NEW YORK CITY is:

 1.   “Where is the best place to join the ‘Resistance’ AND meet hot babes?”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended to provide humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.   To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016, 2017 and 2018.   Enjoy!

10.   Illegals sporting gang tattoos can join “pot luck” lunch with Mayor ​every Thursday​.

 9.   “Assault” style weapons banned within the city, except for illegal fugitive felons.

​ 8.  ​  “Schaaf” means sheep in German.     Like we’re stunned​. 

 7.    The City of Oakland respectfully asks that ICE and other Federal agents not converse with Oakland residents, except to explain available Federal benefits.

 6.  ​ Tough new “3 murders and you’re out” policy for illegals.

 5.   Apply for your Oakland “no-questions-asked” ID card, get free “NO ONE is ILLEGAL” t-shirt.

 4.   High-wattage megaphones supplied to key city workers, in case ICE agents are sighted unexpectedly.​

 3.  New “dateillegal.gov” Oakland-dating website attracting interest from 47 states

 2.  Visit special City Hall kiosk announcing: “I’m illegal and I vote.”    Get personal ombudsman and social worker assigned to you.

 …and the NUMBER ONE LESSER-KNOWN ASPECT OF OAKLAND MAYOR SCHAAF’S “SANCTUARY CITY” POLICY is:

 1.   Mayor swears she has a “What is Illegal?” tattoo, but coyly says she can’t show it to us.

​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and not as real news.   To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit www.gipperten.com .

Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” lists from 2016, 2017 and 2018.    Enjoy!

10.   IN SNUB TO ALLY, TRUMP SENDS DAUGHTER TO OLYMPIC CLOSING CEREMONIES

 9.    RUN UP IN STOCK MARKET BYPASSES THOSE WITH NO EQUITY INVESTMENTS

  8.   MRS. CLINTON MUSES AS TO “WHAT IF” as INCUMBENT ROILS CORRIDORS OF CAPITOL

  7.    HERITAGE FOUNDATION, OPPOSING MINORITY INTERESTS, NAMES BLACK WOMAN AS CEO

   6.   GUN-TOTING MAY NOT BE MANDATORY for all EDUCATORS

   5.  IN SPEECH TO RIGHT-WING, TRUMP OFFERS NO SOLUTIONS FOR SCHOOL CARNAGE

   4.   “WHAT DOSSIER?” FEDERAL INVESTIGATORS ASK, AS THEY RE-FOCUS ON TRUMP COLLUSION WITH RUSSIA

   3.   PELOSI STRUGGLES TO PROTECT THE VULNERABLE and THOSE in the SHADOWS of AMERICAN SOCIETY

   2.   AS SEAS RISE, CLIMATE CHANGE COULD FORCE CLOSING OF MAR-A-LAGO

 …and the NUMBER ONE PLAUSIBLE MAINSTREAM NEWSPAPER HEADLINE this WEEK is:

  1.    BERNIE SANDERS, TURNING 79 IN 2020, HAS CHANCE TO UNITE YOUNGER GENERATIONS

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended to be humorous commentary, and not actual news.   To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit  www.gipperten.com  .    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.  While on the site, you can catch up on “Top Tens” from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

10.   Vladimir Venkov gifted premium caviar to CNN’s Chris Cuomo, after which network reports focused on collusion only.

  9. Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein was contacted on “match.com” by Aleksandra Krylova, who claimed she “was fed up with the singles bar scene in Washington.”

10.  Roster of Secret Service agents who are partial to Hillary Clinton.

                                      (None produced)                                                     

              ​(Paid for by National Association of Federal Agents)

 9. List of certified wise men and virgins within the District.                     

                  (​Paid for by Archdiocese of Washington)

  8.  Most overpriced adult beverages for sale in Trump Tower restaurants. 

            (​Dossier paid for ​by Hillary Clinton)

  7.  Compilation of Obama-era regulations that improved banking competitiveness.

                 (​Paid for by American Banking Association)

  6.   Annotated schedule of White House tennis court users, 1977-81.   (from Jimmy Carter archives)

                 (Requested by former VP Walter Mondale)

  5.  Lifetime visits to “Gentleman’s Clubs” by Orrin Hatch and Mike Pence (no evidence in dossier).

                  (Requested by Al Franken prior to resignation​)

  4.    Legislative agenda of Nancy Pelosi to benefit her family investments.                                                                   

                   (​FOIA filed by Judicial Watch)

  3.   Inventory of White House furniture and artifacts still in Clinton possession.                                                               

                   (Requested by A.G. Jeff Sessions)

  2.   Mulligans taken at Mar-a-Lago golf course by President Trump since 1-20-17.

                (Requested by MSNBC)

 ...and the NUMBER ONE YET-UNREVEALED DOSSIER FLOATING AROUND WASHINGTON THIS WEEK is:

 1.    Single female White House appointees under age 25, hired since January 2017. 

                  (Gratuity for dossier provided by Bill Clinton).

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary and not as “real” news.   To subscribe for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.   While on our site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through 2016, 2017 and 2018 entries.    Enjoy!