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The TWELVE (NOT the TOP TEN) DAYS of CHRISTMAS (2018 VERSION)

THE 12 DAYS of CHRISTMAS (2018 version)…
For the uninitiated who want to sing this version around their Christmas tree (also approved for Hanukkah celebrations), here is how the traditional “12 Days” is sung: You sing each of the song’s 12 lines, in ascending numerical order. But then you only repeat the “gifts” already received.

For example: Start the song with “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a partridge in a pear tree.” But here is how your verse would sound in mid-song: “On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six geese-a-laying, five go-o-o-ld rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

Try that format with today’s creation, below. Note that singers are expected to dra-a-ag out the syllables on the gift of the “5th Day of Christmas,”in this case “Five Gor – such – es.”

– On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

–A tax cut for you and for me..

– On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Two Matt Lauers leer- ing .

-On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– a Three percent growth rate.

– On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Four Cuomos preaching.

– On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Fi-i-i-ve Gor – such – es.

– On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Six Harvey gropings

– On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Seven Russian raidings.

– On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Eight Biden shotguns.

– On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Nine fake newspapers.

– On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Ten Clinton scandals.

– On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Eleven tweeted insults.

– On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Twelve crypto-Commies.

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please sign on to www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit. While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016, 2017 and 2018.

To communicate with the editor, please email herbstupp@gmail.com. Enjoy !

https://gipperten.com/2018/12/647/

For the uninitiated who want to sing this version around their Christmas tree (also approved for Hanukkah celebrations), here is how the traditional “12 Days” is sung: You sing each of the song’s 12 lines, in ascending numerical order. But then you only repeat the “gifts” already received. For example: Start the song with “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a partridge in a pear tree.”

But here is how your verse would sound in mid-song: “On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six geese-a-laying, five go-o-o-ld rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

Try that format with today’s creation, below. Note that singers are expected to dra-a-ag out the syllables on the gift of the “5th Day of Christmas,” in this case “Five Gor – such – es.”

– On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

– A tax cut for you and for me.

– On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Two Matt Lauers leer- ing .

-On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– a Three percent growth rate.

– On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Four Cuomos preaching.

– On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Fi-i-i-ve Gor – such – es.

– On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Six Harvey gropings

– On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Seven Russian raidings.

– On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Eight Biden shotguns.

– On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Nine fake newspapers.

– On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Ten Clinton scandals.

– On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Eleven tweeted insults.

– On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

– Twelve crypto-Commies.

To communicate with the editor, please email herbstupp@gmail.com . Enjoy !

TOP TEN COMMENTS OVERHEARD at the G-20 SUMMIT in BUENOS AIRES…..

10. Do I pronounce that “Abe,” as in Lincoln?

– Mauricio Macri, President of Argentina

9. What’re you lookin’ at?

–South Korean president Moon Jae-in, showing off his NY accent for our president

8. Where can I get a suit like that, Angela?

— South African president Cyril Ramaphosa

7. I just really like saying Joko Widodo (the Indonesian President).

– Theresa May, British PM

6. Shinzo, Giuseppe. Giuseppe, Shinzo.

– EU President Junckers making introductions

5. You have the weirdest French accent, Emmanuel.

– Justin Trudeau, Canadian PM

4. Now, Narenda, you just let the Indian media say whatever they want about you?

– Turkish President Recep Erdogan

3. So Don, just how do I get to 3% growth?

– Xi Jinpeng, Chinese Premier

2. Hey, do you work here?

– just inaugurated Mexican President Andres Obrador

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD at the G-20 SUMMIT in BUENOS AIRES was…

1. Wow, Crown Prince. You didn’t even have to use poison!

-Vladimir Putin, President Russian Federation

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news. To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit. While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016, 2017 and 2018, by scrolling back. To communicate with the editor, please e-mail herbstupp@gmail.com . Enjoy!

TOP TEN COMMENTS OVERHEARD at the G-20 SUMMIT in BUENOS AIRES…

10. Do I pronounce that “Abe,” as in Lincoln?

– Mauricio Macri, President of Argentina

9. What’re you lookin’ at? –South Korean president Moon Jae-in, showing off his NY accent for our president

8. Where can I get a suit like that, Angela? — South African president Cyril Ramaphosa

7. I just really like saying Joko Widodo (Indonesian President). – Theresa May, British PM

6. Shinzo, Giuseppe. Giuseppe, Shinzo. – EU President Junckers

5. You have the weirdest French accent, Emmanuel. – Justin Trudeau, Canadian PM

4. Now, Narenda, you just let the Indian media say anything they want about you?

– Turkish President Recep Erdogan

3. So Don, just how do I get to 3% growth? – Xi Jinpeng

2. Hey, do you work here? – just inaugurated Mexican President Andres Obrador

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD at the G-20 SUMMIT in BUENOS AIRES was…

1. Wow, Crown Prince. You didn’t even have to use poison! -Vladimir Putin

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news. To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit. While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through 2016, 2017 and 2018 entries. To communicate with the editor, please email: herbstupp@gmail.com . Enjoy !

TOP TEN COMMENTS USED to SMOOTH OVER DIFFERENCES DURING the THANKSGIVING WEEKEND…

10. Sure, I’ll trade you the gravy for the stuffing. Finally, some real collusion!

9. Please pass the cranberry sauce, which is as red as Orange County used to be.

8. That’s OK, Turquoise — I just had no idea you could bake tofu in the shape of a turkey.

7. “Bless us oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty,

… and the most successful free economy in the world.“

6. Thanks to climate change, we grew these avocados right here in International Falls.

5. Grandma, did the pilgrims really come here for all the free stuff from government?

4. I was pleasantly surprised to see that cheating quarterback of yours handing out a few turkeys this morning.

3. Without those tax cuts, you’d be eatin’ canned string beans, Buster.

2. No, the Stolichnaya was not a gift from Paul Manafort. Nor Vladimir Putin, either.

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT USED to SMOOTH OVER DIFFERENCES DURING the THANKSGIVING WEEKEND is…

1. Sweatheart, be a doll and, just for today, don’t call my family “The Caravan,” OK?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news. To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit. While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens by scrolling back through 2016, 2017 and 2018 lists. To communicate with the Top Ten’s editor, please e-mail herbstupp@gmail.com . Enjoy!

TOP TEN COMMENTS USED to SMOOTH OVER DIFFERENCES DURING THANKSGIVING WEEKEND…

10. Sure, I’ll trade you the gravy for the stuffing. Finally, some real collusion!

9. Please pass the cranberry sauce, which is as red as Orange County used to be.

8. That’s OK, Turquoise — I just had no idea you could bake tofu in the shape of a turkey.

7. “Bless us oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty,

… and the most successful free economy in the world.“

6. Thanks to climate change, we grew these avocados right here in International Falls.

5. Grandma, did the pilgrims really come here for all the free stuff from government?

4. I was pleasantly surprised to see that cheating quarterback of yours handing out a few turkeys this morning.

3. Without those tax cuts, you’d be eatin’ canned string beans, Buster.

2. No, the Stolichnaya was not a gift from Paul Manafort. Nor Vladimir Putin, either.

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT USED to SMOOTH OVER DIFFERENCES DURING THANKSGIVING WEEKEND is:

1. Sweatheart, be a doll and, just for today, don’t call my family “The Caravan,” OK?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news. To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, log on to www.gipperten.com .

Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit. While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through 2016, 2017 and 2018. To communicate with the Top Ten’s editor, please email herbstupp@gmail.com . Enjoy !

TOP TEN COMMENTS OVERHEARD DURING VOTE RE-COUNTS in FLORIDA’S BROWARD and PALM BEACH COUNTIES:

10. I’ll trade you four Rick Scotts for three Pat Buchanans.

9. How come that guy keeps bragging about his”chads” collection?

8. What do we do with these two mail-ins for Al Gore?

7. OK, Brenda Snipes couldn’t get it done. Did we call Wesley Snipes?

6. Since when is it against regs to have a cocktail when counting paper ballots?

5. That’s not a vote marked for Bill Nelson. That’s tomato sauce!

4. Hey look! Brenda says 35 more ballots arrived with the Chinese food delivery!

3. How come I can’t vote for Cuomo in New York and Gillum in Florida?

2. I don’t care if you are here illegally and demand to vote. But can you keep the llama outside?

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD DURING the VOTE RE-COUNT in FLORIDA’S BROWARD and PALMBEACH COUNTIES is:

1. This Agriculture Commissioner recount is so exciting.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news. To subscribe to the Top Ten for free, visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit. While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back.

To communicate with the editor of the Top Ten, please e-mail herbstupp@gmail.com . Enjoy!

TOP TEN MOST INTERESTING RESULTS from “EXIT POLLS” on ELECTION DAY 2018:

10. 21% of South Carolina voters identified Nancy Pelosi as a soap opera villain.

9. Of those voting for Keith Ellison for Minnesota Attorney General, 48% believe he is opposed to domestic violence.

8. 4% of New Yorkers selected Kirsten Gillibrand as a “Swedish rock band.”

7. In Arizona, 6% of those marking “Sinema” for US Senate thought they would be issued free movie tickets.

6. 23% of South Bronx residents support Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ‘s version of socialism, even if it means rationing toilet paper.

5. 17% of Vermonters identified incumbent Senator Bernie Sanders as a “scrumptious Ben & Jerry’s flavor.”

4. 9% of Kentuckians believe Bernie Sanders to be related to the Colonel.

3. 99% of Haitian-American Republicans in Utah voted to re-elect Congresswoman Mia Love.

2. 52% of male Missouri voters told pollsters that US Senator Claire McCaskill reminded them “of their first wives or their mothers-in-law.”

…and the NUMBER ONE MOST INTERESTING RESULTS from “EXIT POLLS” on ELECTION DAY 2018 is:

1. 76% of South and North Dakotans admitted that they would rather “actually dance with wolves” than support Andrew M. Cuomo for president.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news. To subscribe for free, log on to www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit. While on the site, catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back. To contact Your Weekly American Top Ten list, please e-mail: herbstupp@gmail.com . Enjoy!

TOP TEN SURPRISING POLL RESULTS from the FINAL DAYS PRIOR to ELECTION 2018:

In New Jersey, 23% of voters support challenger Bob Hugin for U.S. Senator, 22% support incumbent Bob Menendez, but 53% strongly oppose their daughters becoming interns for Senator Menendez.

10% of Californians would prefer to live in Nepal.

17% of people randomly surveyed in Jerrold Nadler’s Manhattan Congressional district consider him to be a sex symbol.

47% of Texans admit they just like saying “Beto.”

32% of South Dakotans told pollsters they consider North Dakotans to be “crass.”

An astonishing 97% of residents of Arctic Village, Alaska favor re-incorporating as “Palm Springs.”

87% of self-described Evangelicals do not own a single “rap” CD.

39% of Californians favor the Republican candidate for U.S. Senate (though there is none!).

6% of all Americans identified PBS character Ross Poldark as the British Prime Minister.

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING POLL RESULT from the FINAL DAYS PRIOR to ELECTION 2018 is…

1. 47% of New York voters would endorse Andrew Cuomo for President, as a way of getting him out of the state.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news. To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” log on to www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit. While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back. Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail herbstupp@gmail.com .

TOP TEN “FINAL ARGUMENT” SLOGANS from POLITICAL TV ADS this YEAR:

10. All that radicalism, and in a schoolmarm suit. Re-elect your beloved Cherokee Senator.

9. We’re pretty sure that most of the girls were of legal age. Re-elect Menendez.

8. Let’s keep those accomplishments coming with Gillibrand….!

7. Today Venezuela, tomorrow the Bronx. We need Alexandria!

6. California ain’t finished yet. Gavin Newsom has proven he’s up to that job.

5. Nothing says “Hoosier” like a liberal Democrat Senator!

4. Cuomo may be a bully, but he sure knows his “pay-to-play.”

3. “And if elected, I will continue to fight Trump every day.”

-TV ad for Village Highway Commissioner in Assateague, Maryland

2. Vote for Beto. He really believes his press clips.

…and the NUMBER ONE “FINAL ARGUMENT’ SLOGAN from POLITICAL TV ADS this year is…

1. No transgender governor has ever been convicted of bribery before.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news. To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit. While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back. Enjoy!