10. Calm down! It’s not “impeachment fodder!” It’s just peach cobbler.
9. So a tofu turkey is “sustainable,” but this one is not?
8. Honey, my cousins are here…. Please don’t refer to them as “the Caravan.”
7. You mean the real Pocahontas was an honest woman who never ran for office?
6. Looks like the men are “colluding” to turn on the football game.
5. Y’know what goes great with Chicken Kiev? A Moscow Mule.
4. Mommy! The man on CNN says that Adam Schiff, Hakeem Jeffries, AOC and Jerry Nadler all hunted for their turkeys this morning.
3. Bless us oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty and the strongest free economy in the world.
2. An anonymous whistleblower says you baked this with canned pumpkin pie mix.
…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT to HELP YOU GET THROUGH THANKSGIVING DINNER is:
1. The Thanksgiving cures for insomnia?
A. Re-runs of those impeachment hearings.
B. Any lecture by a Cuomo.
C. Large servings of tryptophan-laden foods.
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