- “‘Canceling’ all customer debts currently held by tavern owners.”
- “Re-naming Sequoia National Park in California as ‘First Gentleman Doug Emhoff Toxic Masculinity National Forest.‘”
- “Ordering the use of Federal Eminent Domain to Evict that dang Wilmington, Delaware Computer Repair Shop, so that an Ice Cream parlor can replace it.”
- Ordering the Lifting of Restrictions on Gas & Oil Drilling and Fracking…. but only on Trump properties.”
- “Creating new taxpayer-funded free tuition scheme, exclusively for Gender Studies majors.”
- Ordering that during “press availabilities” in the state of Delaware, questions will be limited to ice cream flavors and toppings.
- The Keystone Pipeline is herewith donated to the U. S. Olympic Luge Team.
- Camp Beauregard in Louisiana is forthwith named for non-Confederate Hunter Biden.
- All successful applications for Federal grant funding must utilize the term “equity” at least twenty times.
…and the NUMBER ONE EXECUTIVE ORDER to be ANNOUNCED this WEEK by JOSEPH BIDEN is…
- “Re-naming the Rio Grande River in Texas as ‘Kamala Krossings.‘”
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