- Traffic will ebb so much, you’ll be able to ride your skateboard through the Midtown Tunnel.
- The Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) will be able to pay lots more subway cleaners $100,000 pensions when they retire.
- Millions will return to the safety of the subways.
7. Look for this new phenomenon: “canoeing commuters.”
- The MTA will be able to keep ignoring the 40% of Bronx bus riders who refuse to pay their fares.
- Once $1 billion is collected in new tolls/taxes, the fourth car in every subway train will be the “dining carriage.” The sixth car will offer cannabis sales.
- MTA leaders can finally upgrade to new limousines.
- When a restaurant loses most of its dining traffic, you can always score a good table (until they close).
- What else could unite the teachers’ union and a Republican Borough President in opposition?
…and the NUMBER ONE BENEFIT PROGRESSIVES are EXPECTING from NYC’S NEW “CONGESTION PRICING” TAX/TOLL is:
- Who knew the price of used helicopters would spike over this?
“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.
To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.
While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back. Enjoy!
To communicate with the editor, please e-mail herbstupp@gmail.com .