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TOP TEN NEW FITNESS ROUTINES DEVELOPED DURING PANDEMIC LOCKDOWNS…

10. ” Pelosi Pilates Lunge”  (for impeachment)

 9.   “Chuck Schumer Tai-Chi”  ​(With slow, controlled eastern-inspired motion, the Senate Minority Leader alternates between scowling & high energy bloviating. Triple practice sessions on Sunday when cameras are detected.)

 8. “The Adam Schiff Shuffle”  (Emphatically claim you have evidence of Russian collusion, but never say you’re sorry when proven to be untruthful.)

 7.  “The Di Caprio Dash”  (Leonardo ​sprint​s​ to his private jet​, en route to this week’s climate change symposium​.)

 6.  “The Joe Biden Crawl”   (Up from his basement and over to China…)

 5. “House Bailout Bill bench press”  (Beef up the biceps by pressing a 21-pound [1,800 pages] multi-trillion dollar bill with each arm.)

 4.  The “Jerrold Nadler Promenade”  (Don a frayed suit and carry a bill of impeachment 1/4 mile to the Senate.    Return and repeat.)

 3. “Mayor DeBlasio Run-in-Place news conference”  (Reporters counteract the overwhelming impulse to drift into sound sleep as the Mayor drones on with another 2-hour monologue…  by combining jumping jacks with running-in-place, while re-hydrating with Red Bull.)

 2.  “Pyong Yang Alley-Oop”   (The Supreme Leader of North Korea takes chest-high passes from Dennis Rodman before dunking a basketball on a hoop a full five feet off the ground).

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW FITNESS ROUTINE DEVELOPED DURING IN-HOME LOCKDOWNS is…

1. The “Cuomo (Nursing Home) ​Elliptical​”   (Aerobic hemming-and-hawing, synchronized with two-handed finger pointing at Washington.)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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