Your Weekly American Top Ten List

  For the uninitiated who want to sing this version around their Christmas tree (also approved for Hanukkah celebrations), here is how the traditional “12 Days” is sung:  You sing each of the song’s 12 lines, in ascending numerical order.   But then you only repeat the “gifts” already received.  

For example:  Start the song with “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a partridge in a pear tree.”  But here is how your verse would sound in mid-song:  “On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six geese-a-laying, five go-o-o-ld rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

 Try that format with today’s creation, below.  Note that singers are expected to dra-a-ag out the syllables on the gift of the “5th Day of Christmas,”in this case “Fi-i-ve Schiff collusions.”    

 

Now:   Your NEW 12 Days of Christmas….

 

1. On the first day of Christmas, my true love game to me:

 

         “Cash for the Big Guy from Xi.”   (JEE)

 

2. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

          “Two Cuomos groping.”

 

3. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

        ” Three nudists with hammers.”

 

4.  On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

          “Four million migrants.”

 

5.   On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

            “F-i-i-i-ve Schiff collusions.”

 

6.  On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

             “Six Omar rantings.”

 

7.   On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

            “Seven million loans ‘forgiven.'”

 

8.  On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

           “Eight spies for Swalwell.”

 

9.    On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

              “Nine percent inflation.”

 

10.  On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

                  “Ten mics for Schumer”

 

11.    On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

                  “Eleven fake newspapers.”

 

12.   On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

 

                   “12 million mail votes.”

 

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” (and this week’s “Twelve Days”)   is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

 

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To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  herbstupp@gmail.com  .