10. Successfully deflected all national media questions about the arrest of her drunk-driving husband (Wait! Were there any questions at all?).
9. Handed over her Speaker’s gavel so she could continue to pour cups of coffee for husband Paul Sr..
8. Gave commencement address at Brown University, urging graduates to support clean water, equity and compassion.
7. Diverted Congressional staff to guard the liquor cabinets in her DC and San Francisco homes.
6. Issued proclamations of support for LGBTQ “Pride Month,” Pacific Islander Hall of Fame Week and the “Identity Politics World Championships.”
5. Passed legislation to arm Ukrainians and disarm Americans.
4. Praised the critical work of her January 6th committee, which, after all, is safeguarding our democracy.
3. Received briefing from staff, only to learn that Americans are opposed to inflation and higher taxes.
2. Added to her 250,000 air miles and 76 trips this year, courtesy of the U.S. Air Force… (but none to the southern border).
…and the NUMBER ONE NANCY PELOSI ACCOMPLISHMENT THIS WEEK is:
1. Visited Walter Reed Medical Center, received botox tune-up.
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