10. “Lord…. This is, Donald, your humble servant…. Please let them pick Crazy Bernie.” – President Trump
9. “A $100 tax on each turkey wouldn’t even be noticed. Not in Cambridge.” – US Senator Elizabeth Warren
8. “Please attack me again. Please, Hillary. You have enough bile left for one more fake smear.” –US Rep. Tulsi Gabbard
7. “Lord, with your blessing and a mere quadrupling of our ratings, we can defeat this man.” – CNN President Jeff Zucker
6. “Almighty, steer liberal viewers toward my countless brilliant TV commercials, and not those gawdawful debates.” – Michael Bloomberg
5. “Dear Pops, wherever you are. Teach me how to divvy up one medium turkey among 26 million people.” – North Korean “leader” Kim Jong-un
4. “Help us to convince our brethren that Trump was guilty of something in Ukraine, while Biden was not.” – Simulcast Prayer broadcast from US Reps. Pelosi, Schiff and Nadler
3. “Let us count our blessings. Hey, at least I am still a prince.” – Andrew, Duke of York
2. “Turkey? Can I just have two rolls of toilet paper?” – Venezuelan shopper
…and the NUMBER ONE THANKSGIVING DINNER INVOCATION was:
1. “Shower thy blessings on those who have been so expansively and energetically generous to us at MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, the New York Times and the Washington Post.” – Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez
“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.
To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.
While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back. Enjoy!
To communicate with the editor, please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org .