10. For the Stanford admission, would you accept $48,000 and the complete DVD set of “Desperate Housewives?”
9. If Mr. Einstein takes the SAT, that’ll be $35,000. But if Mr. Edison sits for the test, the charge is only $25,000.
8. Just think of us as “expeditors,” like those guys at Motor Vehicles.
7. I think that pro-Trump admissions essay may not get you the desired result with Harvard.
6. I’ll bet you had no idea that your Shrimpy could dunk.
5. (An SAT test taker answers a question from the test proctor:) “Of course I’m a student at Greenville Senior High. Grey hair just runs early on my mother’s side.”
4. Yes, Bubba has been accepted in to the college and on to the equestrian team. But how come this photo shows your teen on a horse, with a body really similar to Vladimir Putin’s?
3. Chelsea’s essay already mentions Kamala, Beto and Corey? She won’t even need us to get in to Princeton.
2. I think he may be the first high schooler ever to be awarded the Nobel Prize.
..and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD DURING the COLLEGE ADMISSIONS SCANDAL INVESTIGATION is:.
1. Fair enough, you’ve never played soccer. Can you spell soccer?
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