10. I think I’ll be sheltering right here in Caracas. -Commandante Nicolas Maduro (just indicted in the US on four narco-terrorism charges)
9. I can look sort of normal on Skype, while still wearing my favorite ratty pajama bottoms. – Joseph Biden
8. Dammit, he’s really being presidential.
– MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough & CNN’s Brian Stelter
7. By Wednesday, I will have cornered the US market on toilet paper. – Billionaire Hedge Fund owner Bill Ackerman
6. I’ve got the coolest slide show in Albany, don’t I? – NY Governor Andrew Cuomo
5. Ted, when on earth did you grow that beard? – Mrs. Heidi Cruz
4. What virus? – oceanographer Philippe-Jacques Cousteau Jr., stepping on to land after 34 days in the Pacific
3. Bill, did you know our lifestyle here in Chappaqua is called “social distancing?”
2. After all these years, ah realized she’s a blonde. -Bill Clinton
…and the NUMBER ONE REVEALING COMMENT DURING our SELF-ISOLATIONS this MONTH is:
- All I’ve got are re-runs of Grampa Kim’s speeches and this “launch” button here.
– North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un
“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.
To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.
While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back. Enjoy!
To communicate with the editor, please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org .