10. 38% of daily Stolichnaya vodka drinkers believe they voted for Peter the Great.
9. 97% of Russian voters agreed that they “could have delivered a better dossier for only $6 million” to Hillary.
8. 38% of voters on the Kamchatka peninsula want their region renamed “Mar-a-Lago,” to improve the weather.
7. 17% of Putin voters based their choice on his famous vocal version of “Blueberry Hill.” (Google this for yourself)
6. 43% of Putin voters believe he will quickly dump Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev in favor of Maria Sharapova.
5. 100% of all Russian voters do not believe Senator Elizabeth Warren descended from Siberian Eskimos.
4. 64% of Putin voters believe “the President would never invade Crimea or Ukraine.”
3. 87% of these voters get their information from Russian television.
2. 18% of all Russians surveyed think that Putin’s Tweets are “un-presidential.”
…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING RESULT from RUSSIAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION EXIT POLLS is:
1. 53% of anti-Putin voters would move to Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, if they could.
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