10. The US Air Force’s new “F-31 Cougar” fighter will somehow be manufactured in Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s San Francisco district.
9. If this bill exceeds 1,800 pages, Yosemite National Park’s “El Capitan” will be renamed for Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA).
8. Residents of foreign birth in “pre-citizenship status” immediately qualify for a $2,400 stimulus check, Food Stamps, a mail-in ballot for November and early admission to Oberlin College (free tuition).
7. $159 million is appropriated for a new Boeing 787 “Dreamliner,” to shuttle Speaker Pelosi more efficiently to vital climate change rallies.
6. $12,500 is appropriated for new suits for Congressman Jerrold Nadler (D-Manhattan).
5. 400 million paper ballots (200 million extra in the event of an “immigration” surge) will be printed in the district of House Majority Whip James Clyburn (D-SC).
4. Henceforth, Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley and Rashida Tlaib may insist, on the House floor, to be addressed as “highness.”
3. No matter the outcome of the election, $310 million is approved to add likenesses of Michael Avenatti and Joe Biden to Mount Rushmore.
2. Of the 6,000 tanks in the Defense Department’s arsenal, 2,500 will be re-purposed to deliver free meals, US grown cannabis and mail-in ballots to low-voting cities and college towns.
…and the NUMBER ONE LITTLE-KNOWN PROVISION IN HOUSE DEMOCRATS’ $3 TRILLION SO-CALLED STIMULUS BILL is…
1. Mere use of the racist term “illegal alien” will be punishable with a 39% marginal income tax rate.
“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.
To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.
While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back. Enjoy! To communicate with the editor, please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org