- Czarina for the northern border
- Chair of the new Federal “Disinformation Junta,“ with power to order IRS audits and cancel restaurant reservations
- Primary researcher of the “root causes” for police resignations across the nation
- Warden and Minister of Re-education for the prisons holding January 6th detainees still awaiting trial
- Oversee US Naval strategy to protect and pacify the Taiwan Strait
5. Care Manager for any cognitively-challenged residents of the White House
- Surrogate speaker and translator for Transportation Secretary Buttigieg
- Attending any and all head-of-state funerals to come in Micronesia
- Chair of new “bail fund” to spring non-white supremacists arrested for looting, arson, shoplifting, riot, assault, home invasion, auto theft and other “infractions”
(Not applicable in “no bail” New York state.)
…and the NUMBER ONE NEW ASSIGNMENT (based on dazzling achievements) BEING CONSIDERED for our VICE PRESIDENT is…
- Exclusive Washington-area distributor of 500,000 just-discovered 1970s-era “Whip Inflation Now” lapel buttons
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