10. When meeting with Anita Hill to express regret, offer a teasingly slow shoulder massage.
9. Admit it, Joe. Admit that growing up in Scranton gave you undeserved privilege.
8. Make really sure you only accept cash donations from Harvey Weinstein.
7. Try to work in the words “woke,” “me too,” and “multi-gendered” in to every speech, but not all in the same sentence.
6. There is no need to call Mayor Pete a “whippersnapper,” not yet.
5. During the Democratic primary debates, resist sniffing Bernie’s hair or rubbing noses with Kamala.
4. When firing that shotgun off from your back porch, always be sure to yell: “They wanna put y’all back in chains!”
3. To conclude a hard day of campaigning in Chicago, visit with Jussie Smollett to express concern for his “trauma.”
2. Reserve your famous “articulate and bright and clean and nice-looking” compliment only for foreign leaders.”
…and the NUMBER ONE WAY that JOE BIDEN can DEMONSTRATE he is “SUFFICIENTLY PROGRESSIVE” is…
1. Endorse “Cosmetic Surgery for All,” beginning with hair plugs.
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