(Mayor Bill deBlasio and his “progressive” allies plan to close Rikers Island, which houses an average of 10,000 prisoners on a perfectly located island with only one point of egress. In its place, they want to build four “community jails” in residential neighborhoods that do not want them.)
10. Vote in your cell, no I.D. needed.
9. In-house dating now permitted, with “Skelmatch.com” website preferred.
8. Coffee hour with lattes served by corrections officers.
7. Prison jump suits by Ralph Lauren.
6. The good news: Rooftop gardening will give inmates agricultural skills. The bad news: Prisoners hope to consume all the weed they grow.
5. Judgmental “inmates” moniker to be replaced by “valued customer.”
4. Judgmental “prison cell” references morph into “living spaces.”
3. Individual hot tubs in each living space.
2. “Rec” hour to be managed by Equinox Fitness.
…and the NUMBER ONE AMENITY in the new “COMMUNITY JAILS” to replace Rikers Island is:
1. New Corrections department “frequent guest” program: Earn a future free night at a Ritz Carlton for every five nights spent in jail…
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