(This memo left in the Press Secretary’s desk drawer…)
10. The ambient temperature in the White House Briefing Room is Putin’s fault.
9. Remember, abortion is “health care.” Yeah, and you can keep your doctor.
8. If Dr. Jill is present, feel free to refer to the Vice President as “that woman.”
7. “Sure, some prices have increased, but not used Pelotons, Victrolas or CD players.”
6. “Remember, you are a pioneer. No press secretary has ever had to defend so many catastrophes at once.”
5. If you head to the White House Mess for lunch, try the “Ultra-MAGA Chili.” It’s about time this administration created some new sources of gas.
4. No presidential Press Secretary has ever gone hungry. On the other hand, our boss has already created some truly amazing shortages.
3. “This administration is not in monkeypox denial.”
2. Repeat this one: “The climate is in crisis, but the border is secure.”
…and the NUMBER ONE SUGGESTION LEFT by DEPARTING WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY JEN PSAKI for her SUCCESSOR, KARINE JEAN-PIERRE is…
1. If you see Joseph wandering around after hours, it is OK to close his robe.
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