10. By Halloween, Hillary will have figured out how to get paid for “virtual” speeches…
9. Environmentalists be danged, Governor Andrew Cuomo will start driving everywhere in his gas-guzzling 1968 GTO.
8. Joe Biden: “Why can’t I just get inaugurated right here in the basement?”
7. President Trump to the White House Press Corps: “Next time around, no more Mr. Nice Guy.”
6. Aware of their mortality after months of pandemic, Elizabeth Warren’s brothers confess: “We aren’t Indian at all.”
5. Embarrassed by mass snoring, prior to his A.M. briefings, Mayor deBlasio will set out a buffet of chilled Red Bull and free “No-Doz” for reporters.
4. Michigan “Strongwoman” Governor Gretchen Witmer to name Congresswoman Rasheed Tlaib (D-MI) as “Director of Re-Education” for the new detention camps housing disobedient business owners.
3. On his dating profile, Bill Clinton will swear to abide by social distancing norms for at least 90 minutes.
2. Following a self-imposed quarantine after the election, Nancy Pelosi will emerge looking mysteriously younger.
…and the NUMBER ONE ASPECT of “NEW NORMAL” LIFE WE CAN EXPECT LATER in 2020 is…
1. Sign to be seen in front of “progressive” church in Berkeley, California: ‘WELCOME BACK FROM VIRUS LOCKDOWN!
Special this Week: OBEY ANY SIX of the TEN COMMANDMENTS.”
“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.
To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.
While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back. Enjoy!
To communicate with the editor, please e-mail herbstupp@gmail.com .
