10. Speed Skating south Across the 38th Parallel Border
9. Steroid Chugging (for Olympians not affiliated with a national team)
8. Nuclear Curling
7. Luge for your Life
6. Climate Change Filibustering (games begin when temps drop to 15 o F.)
5. Political Prisoner biathlon
4. Parasailing Across the Sea of Japan
3. Skeleton (the 800 calorie-per-day beauty contest)
2. Three-person “H.O.R.S.E.” with Dennis Rodman (non-medalists to be imprisoned)
…and the NUMBER ONE NEW OLYMPIC SPORT for the 2018 GAMES in KOREA is :
1. Male Head of State Ski Jumping (5’4″ height limit)
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