Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. “Everyone who’s taken high school math figured out my wealth tax is crazy.”

 9.  “Apparently, height really is a big deal for voters.”

 8.  ” If only I was married to Hunter Biden…”   (excuse shared by male & female candidates)

 7.  “We all believe in free health care for illegals, but maybe my free car lease plan went too far.”

 6. “My internal poll revealed that 39% of Democrats thought Klobuchar was a Czech casserole.”

 5.  “If only my husband didn’t look so ‘South Bend’ in campaign portraits.”

 4.  “They used to say that as Samoa goes, so goes the nation.”

 3.  “Make me your running mate, and I’ll be the Yang to your Ying.”

 2.  “That Biden can rig sweet jobs for his family, but I can’t even throw a phone at my staff?”

…and the NUMBER ONE EXCUSE WHILE ENDING YOUR PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN is:

 1.  “If I just sacrificed a few Starbucks a week, I coulda found another $620 million.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

Your editor is “on hiatus” this week. We will be back with a new “Top Ten” next week.

Feel free to scroll back to view some oldies-but-goodies going back to ancient 2016.

-HWS

10. “What would I need a gun for?  That’s what you pay your armed guards to handle…”

 9.  “Sure, I tripled property taxes while I was mayor.  None of my friends noticed.”

 8.  “And if elected, there will be no sugar, salt, sodas or Republicans in the White House.”

 7.  “I do know who President Obrador is, and of course I know President Xi Jinping.   They’re both on my payroll.”

 6.  “I did say ‘horse-faced lesbian.’    Your point, ma’am?”

 5.  “The nickname ‘Mini’ is really pronounced the same in French, Italian and Spanish?”

 4.   “I thought stop, question and frisk was our interview process at Bloomberg LP.”

 3.  “Air Force One is basic economy compared to my private Gulfstream.  But if elected, I will suffer it.”

 2. “What rural America needs are subways.”

…and the NUMBER ONE UNUSED DEBATE LINE PURCHASED by MICHAEL BLOOMBERG is:

 1.-  “Wait a minute!   I PAID for this microphone.    In fact, in the Green Room, I bought this network.”​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. It will take him longer than that to realize he’s in South Carolina.

 9.  Hunter still needs help in landing sweetly once again.

 8. Joe just HAS to outlast Deval Patrick in this race.

 7.  If he pulls out, when will he ever take President Trump “out behind the school gym?”

 6.  The excitement of Delaware might be just too much for him.

 5.  He’s holding out for a better Ambassadorship in a Bernie Sanders administration.

 4.  What would we do with these five dang rental cars in Myrtle Beach?

​ 3.  If he doesn’t win at least one primary, he’s pledged to wear an Elizabeth Warren mask and wig.

 2.  E-Bay won’t accept an ad for a used bus with that “No Malarkey” slogan.

…and the NUMBER ONE REASON JOE BIDEN JUST CAN’T END HIS CAMPAIGN for PRESIDENT this MONTH is:

1. Joe is all set for the huge March 2nd endorsement from the Mayor of Havre d’Grace, Maryland.​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  So, Senator, so what if you didn’t spend your formative years on an Indian reservation…  no big deal, right?

 9.  Since South Bend is a microcosm for America, are you the second coming of Lincoln or of FDR?

 8.  I see that “MATH” button on your lapel.   Is there really much difference between a trillion and a gazillion dollars?

 7.   Senator, when you return to Brooklyn, do you speak with a Vermont accent?

 6.  Hunter was cleared to fly on Air Force 2, wasn’t he?   No problemo, then, right sir?

 5.  Some people say that your campaign reflects your “Minnesota Nice” personality.    True or false?

 4.  You are amazingly vibrant for someone who had a heart attack last year.   What is your regimen to stay so buff?

 3.  Would you agree that socialism is really just caring about your neighbor?

2.     Some people say you’ve lost your fastball.   But you get by just fine with a curve and a knuckler, right?

…and the NUMBER ONE HARD-HITTING MEDIA QUESTION DURING the DEMOCRAT PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES is…

 1.   With all this enthusiasm from the people, you’re in this right to the convention, correct?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Is it true that Federalist Paper 251, Nostradamus and Edgar Cayce all predicted that “a charlatan from southern California will hurl false charges against an American president in the early 21st century?”

 9. Mr. Chief Justice, in summer, when robed, do all of the male justices wear long pants?

 8. Where does the Steele Dossier fall into these charges?

 7. House Managers, how did you discern that John Bolton is now an honest genius, and when did you know it?

 6. Counsel Cipollone, would you say that the House articles of impeachment are more an outgrowth of lawlessness or ignorance?

 5. Mr. Nadler, how much did you pay for those suits?

 4.  Are CNN and the New York Times correct in linking world peace and cleaner water to a Senate conviction?

 3.  Mr. Chief Justice, is that Lev Parnas or Shemp over there?

 2. Where’s Hunter?

…and the NUMBER ONE QUESTION that SOMEHOW DIDN’T MAKE it to CHIEF JUSTICE ROBERTS DURING the U.S. SENATE TRIAL of PRESIDENT TRUMP is:

 1. OK, if we subpoena John Bolton, will your party promise to nominate a Sanders – Omar ticket later this year?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  “A Room With No View” (Chairman Schiff conducts closed meetings in the House basement)

 9.  “How Green is my War Chest”

 8.  “12 Years a Knave”  (Biopic about Pete Buttigieg’s brief life as an adult)

 7. “ Crouching Subpeona, Hidden Dagger”

 6.  “Close Encounters with Zoe Lofgren”

 5. “She Done Him Wrong — Part II”

 4.  “Hakeemian Rhapsody”

 3.  “The Hateful Eight”    (House managers)

 2.  “Nadler Unchained”

…and the NUMBER ONE POTENTIAL HOLLYWOOD SPIN-OFF from the IMPEACHMENT and SENATE TRIAL is:

1.  “A Schiff We’re not Fond’A”                                       (Rhymes with “A Fish Called ….”)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10.​  Nadler thinks there is a buffet at the end of the procession.

​  9.   ​Look, even his gait is “shifty.”​ 

8.​ Mommy!   Those scary people went right past the Capitol Police checkpoint!

​  7. ​ Do you really think those Birkenstock shoes convey the image we want today?

​  6. ​Geez, what did she have for lunch?​ 

5.​  Is that Lev Parnas or Shemp over there?​ 

4. ​ They told me Nancy would be leading this parade with her majorette baton.​ 

3.​  Hakeem!  Hey, over here, Hakeem!   What about Burisma?   You down with that?​ 

2.  ​I’m just impressed when any elected official can do the “Monty Python” walk.​ 

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD AROUND that ‘PROCESSION” by LIBERAL HOUSE MEMBERS BRINGING their “ARTICLES of IMPEACHMENT” to the U. S. SENATE is:

1. ​There hasn’t been this much excitement in the Rotunda since Arbor Day.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

(To replace those gawdawful Democrat debates, imagine the candidates playing Jeopardy against each other….) Here are your categories for “Presidential Jeopardy“:

10.  CERTIFIED NATIVE AMERICANS

 9.  EXAMPLES WHERE SOCIALISM HAS WORKED             (Jeopardy’s first category with NO verifiable answers)

 8.  HUNTER BIDEN RESUME HIGHLIGHTS

 7.  ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE CURRENT HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

 6. OUR FAVORITE TAX HIKES

 5. EXISTENTIAL THREATS OF THE WEEK

 4. WHO SAID IT…   PELOSI, SCHUMER or El PRESIDENTE MADURO?

 3.  WHERE in the WORLD is the MODERATE?

 2.  SWING STATES GENDER POTPOURRI

…and the NUMBER ONE CATEGORY WE’D LOVE to SEE in “PRESIDENTIAL JEOPARDY” is:

1.THE PUCKISH WIT OF GENERAL SOLEIMANI

Thanks to former Congressman and Ambassador Fred J. Eckert, whose hilarious novel, “Hank Harrison for President,” involves an accidental president who attains office via “Jeopardy.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2020 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. 6 month subscription to​ Newsmax​

9. A romantic ​weekend in the DMZ barracks ​(including welcome cocktail party)

8. Prussian blue d​ress shirts ​with nicely​​ complementing solid red Trump ties

7. Joint naval maneuvers with Japan

6. A show of ​Kim’s​ own slam-dunking skills​ (adjustable basket height may be required)​

5. Complete freedom for reporters​ and news organizations

4. Political parties legalized this week

​ 3. New microwavable Kim-Chee TV dinners from Swanson/Pyong Yang​

2. No charge for Fox News Channel in all North Korean hotel rooms

…and the NUMBER ONE UNLIKELY NEW YEAR’S GIFT from KIM JONG-UN is:

1. Will offer nuke-free Korea in exchange for three all-night produce stands in Flushing, NY

Once again : Happy 2020!!

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .