Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. “What is the expected longevity of a bumbling president who is juggling multiple investigations?” – Kamala (Tuesday)                                              – G. Newsom (Thursday)

9. “If I am in New York illegally, how do I upgrade my free hotel room?”       – “Buddy”

8.  “36 Hours in Taipei, Taiwan.”     -Xi J-P

7.   “Would a new gender identification help or hurt in the polls?”       – Chuck S.

6.     “On balance, can we save the planet by flying private?”      – J. Kerry,   “Mayor” Pete B.,    Leonardo

5.  “Do people who leave New York plan to come back?”         – Kathy H.

4.     “What do they call that Cabinet agency that has the military in it?”    – Joseph B.

3.    “Is it easy to send Leopard tanks across a border anonymously?”    –  Chancellor Olaf

2.    “Do we really need a Strategic Petroleum Reserve?”      – Secretary E. G.

…and the NUMBER ONE “GOOGLE” SEARCH by CELEBRITIES this WEEK is…

1.   “If someone is wandering aimlessly, is it more humane to open or close his robe?”    – Dr. Jill B.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. During the State of the Union, that seat behind the President, reserved for the Vice President?   Look for Hunter there, smoking.

9. Kamala arrives home​ at the Naval Observatory​ to see Mayor Pete​,​ smiling with a coffee mug.

8. Her proudest achievement:  “Border Czar.”

7. During interview on “Meet the Press,” Kamala’s responses are “explained”​ live​ by ​Karine Jean-Pierre.

6. When Joseph ​i​sn’t call​ing​ her “President Harris,”  he refers to “y’know, the girl, ​ ​y’know.”

5.  She is spotted discussing legislation with George Santos.

4. Kamala in​sulted​ Hunter​ by not investing in his​ ​latest ​Chinese scheme.

3.   Top item on her “to-do” list is always “finding root causes.”

     ​ 2.  To chauffeur the VP to Andrews AFB, staff is issued a 2008 Impala from the GSA Motorpool.

…and the NUMBER ONE EARLY TIP-OFF​ that KAMALA MIGHT not be on the 2024 TICKET is….

1.  This week, the “Kamala Cackle” is trending as the #1 ring tone in America.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  Inserted into Kennedy Center audience brochures

9.  The cafeteria at Dr. Jill’s community college

   8.  The Corvette’s glove compartment

   7.   In a pile of local business flyers at that Wilmington ice cream parlor

   6.   Left behind on the private jets used by John Kerry and Pete Buttigieg

   5.   A computer repair shop in Delaware

    4.   Near the damaged door in the Pelosi home

   3.   Collated with official menus at the Vice President’s residence

   2.   Folded into origami ornaments on the White House Christmas tree

 …and the NUMBER ONE YET-TO-BE DISCOVERED LOCATION for SECRET, CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS is…

   1.    Hunter’s sometimes-locked trunk of narcotics

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. The “smoking lounge” for members will be re-opened …. but only to pot users.    – Hakeem

9. One House session per month will be convened in Eagle Pass, Texas.     – Byron

8. They nominated me for WHAT?         – Donald

7. OK, we will have to vote in person.   But that c​ould be​ from the Capitol Yoga Class.     – Hakeem

6. Of course ​the Cheyenne Mountain NORAD Base ​should be renamed ​for Lauren Boebert.    -Kevin

5.  ​The 21st tourist to visit the House Cannon Building each Monday will be able to trigger a “motion to remove the Speaker.”     -Matt

4.   As part of the “House Wellness” program, Statuary Hall will be home to the new “Andy Biggs Hot Tub & Spa.”      -Kevin

3.  By special arrangement, but after midnight, Air Force Two will be requisitioned for a lucky member’s flight back to “their” district.                                                           – Hakeem

2.   That great Christy painting of the “Framers at Independence Hall?”   We can photo-shop your likeness between Hamilton & Madison…. IF you are the deciding vote.    –Kevin

…and the NUMBER ONE SECRET PROMISE to OBTAIN VOTES for SPEAKER of the HOUSE is…

1.  Who wants to be the new spokesman for “My Pillow?”     -Chip

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

BLESSINGS to our READERS for this new year!

10. Pete Buttigieg:    If you’re so smart, resign and start your own airline. 

9. Kamala Harris:   OK, show us a list of your accomplishments.   We dare you.

      8. Joseph Biden:     Resign prior to impeachment, but get President Kamala to pardon you.

      7. Rep. Eric Swallwell:   Create new bilingual (English/Chinese) dating website for married Congressmen.

      6.  Vladimir Putin:    A new girlfriend could serve as a welcome distraction.

5. George Santos:  New PR strategy:  “Well, I IDENTIFY as a Goldman Sachs executive.”

4. Brian Stelter:  Score a new high-paying “anchor” job on Russian TV or Al Jazzeera.

3. The Cuomo brothers:  (to discourage unwanted touching) Always wear those oversized soccer goalie gloves whenever you leave your homes.

2.  Rep. Adam Schiff:   Get a new hoax to sell on CNN and MSNBC.

…and the NUMBER ONE POLITICAN RESOLUTION for 2023 is: 

1.  Gov. Kathy Hochul:   Citizens shouldn’t protect their families?    Then give up the 24/7 phalanx of armed state troopers who guard you.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “​On ​Fetterman​, On​ Warnock”  —  Chuck Schumer can’t believe he has a majority

    9. “Cuomo the Fake News Reindeer”   —  despite 2022, yet another “news” channel hands him a big payday anchor job 

8. “I’ve Got This Jan. 6th Report to Keep me Warm”  – a former president considers a bonfire

7. “Rockin’ Around the National Debt” – $32 trillion in ​arrear​s means coal-in-the- stocking for future Christmas taxpayers.

6. “I’m Dreaming of a White Supremacist”  —  The White House Press Corps Chorale

5. “All I Want for Christmas is ​Gas​“  –  ​Former European BFFs of Vladimir

       4.  “Signatures”  – ​petition-gatherers ​s​i​ng to the melody of “Silver Bells”

3.   “Ballots Roasting O’er an Open Fire”   –  ​our Christmas prayer: ​one person, one vote                                                                             

2.  “Silent Night” –  Mainstream media fails to report on the gargantuan scandal of FBI leaders promoting falsehoods worldwide through their allies at Twitter

…and the NUMBER ONE HOLIDAY SONG WE’D LIKE to HEAR is… 

1.   “We Three Kings” –  gifts from wealthy influence-seekers in China, Russia and Ukraine arrive to warm the hearts of  “the Big Guy” and all Bidens      

    “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.   To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

   While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

   To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

                                                                 

10. For ​White House press secretary Kar​ine Jean- Pierre—    some believable material

9. For Harvey Weinstein —   a nice, long prison term in an all-male facility

8. For Brittney Griner  —  voice lessons for her first solo performance of the Star Spangled Banner at a WNBA game

7. For  Michael Avenatti — a complete collection of Donald J. Trump “superhero” trading cards 

(​exchang​able for cigarettes in prison)

6. For Kamala   —   a special GPS that never strays from the Rio Grande River region

5. For Joseph Biden   —   a promise from Hunter to enter the seminary

4. For Brian Stelter & Chris Cuomo — new “gigs” co-anchoring the evening “news” in Pyong Yang, North Korea​  (will work for food?)​

3. For Gavin Newsom & Kathy Hochul  — an endless caravan of rich people willing to be taxed ​ruth​lessly

2. For DHS Secretary Alejandro Majorkas —  a well-honed poker face for those moments when you simply have to lie to Congress

….and the NUMBER ONE CHRISTMAS OR HANUKKAH GIFT FOR a  CELEBRITY is…. 

     1.  For Chuck Schumer – a wind-powered, portable microphones-and-cameras set that will follow him anywhere

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HANUKKAH from “YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST!”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

  For the uninitiated who want to sing this version around their Christmas tree (also approved for Hanukkah celebrations), here is how the traditional “12 Days” is sung:  You sing each of the song’s 12 lines, in ascending numerical order.   But then you only repeat the “gifts” already received.  

For example:  Start the song with “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a partridge in a pear tree.”  But here is how your verse would sound in mid-song:  “On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six geese-a-laying, five go-o-o-ld rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

 Try that format with today’s creation, below.  Note that singers are expected to dra-a-ag out the syllables on the gift of the “5th Day of Christmas,”in this case “Fi-i-ve Schiff collusions.”    

Now:   Your NEW 12 Days of Christmas….

1. On the first day of Christmas, my true love game to me:

         “Cash for the Big Guy from Xi.”   (JEE)

2. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

          “Two Cuomos groping.”

3. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

        ” Three nudists with hammers.”

4.  On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

          “Four million migrants.”

5.   On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

            “F-i-i-i-ve Schiff collusions.”

6.  On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

             “Six Omar rantings.”

7.   On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

            “Seven million loans ‘forgiven.'”

8.  On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

           “Eight spies for Swalwell.”

9.    On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

              “Nine percent inflation.”

10.  On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

                  “Ten mics for Schumer”

11.    On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

                  “Eleven fake newspapers.”

12.   On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

                   “12 million mail votes.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” (and this week’s “Twelve Days”)   is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

  10.  “Feliz Navidad from 35,000 feet above the Rio Grande River.”               – Kamala Harris

    9. “THEY wish THEM a pleasant and secular December.”–   Biden HHS Assistant Secretary “Admiral” “Rachel” Levine and Energy Dept. Deputy Assistant Secretary “Sam” Brinton   (yes, you should search for the photos….) 

   8. “The university proudly announces new ‘Safe Spaces’ for students celebrating the Winter Solstice.”  – University Vice President for Safety, Equity, Diversity, Sustainability and Mumbo-Jumbo.”

   7. “T’is always the season to reach out and touch someone.”    – Harvey Weinstein

   6. “I wish you an early Meli Kalikimaka, before climate change floods my state.”     -US Sen. Maisie Hirono (D- Hawaii)

   5.”We wish you a holiday filled with equity, prior to climate change submerging our beloved Martha’s Vineyard.” – Barack and Michelle

   4. “With the optimism of the festival of lights, it’s only right to hope for revolution in Teheran.”          -Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, writing from the Trump Heights

   3.  “If you can just believe in Frosty the Snowman… you can believe our southern border is secure.”            – Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Majorkas

    2. “This St. Patrick’s day, let us build back better.”                -Joseph & Dr. Jill Biden

…and the NUMBER ONE HOLIDAY CARD INSCRIPTION is…

1. “You’d better not tweet…      You’re not the Deep State…    Why chance it right now…     With ruin your fate?”          – Elon (written prior to his big purchase)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .