Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. NY State “honors” the Second Amendment; however, ammunition may only be purchased exclusively at “ Red’s Bait & Tackle” in Sharon Springs.   Red is the underachieving brother of the beloved local Assemblyman.

9. Food trucks and lemonade stands in all 62 counties must prominently display a ratified labor agreement, next to the menu.

8. In Albany and Erie counties, the property taxes of registered Republicans may be levied at a rate up to (but not exceeding) 35% higher than other registrants.

7. Within NY state waters, as of July 5, it will be a Class “B” felony for a shark to assault any resident, including “asylum seekers.”

6.  By September 1, all public and charter high schools must install cannabis vending machines in their gender-free rest rooms.

5. Migrants housed in hotels and dormitories may access the mini-bar and one premium movie channel, 24/7.

4. It is now a Class “A” misdemeanor to restrain or impede anyone carrying stolen merchandise, in any way.

3. The Mario Cuomo (Tappan Zee) Bridge has been re-named the “Bill de Blasio Escape from New York Gangway.”

2. Governor Hochul’s new “Gun Free Zones” do not apply to elected officials nor celebrities (as anointed by the co-hosts of “The View”)

…and the NUMBER ONE LESSER-KNOWN BILL PASSED IN the FINAL DAYS of the NY STATE LEGISLATIVE SESSION is…

1. There shall not be hiring or employment discrimination against any person presenting “thereself” for work or hiring in full “drag queen regalia.”
This law shall include the evening news anchor positions at CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN and MSNBC

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary and is NOT a source of real news   To communicate with the editor, please email [email protected]

10.   A new, larger “My Pillow, 2.0” for the king-sized bed

9. Personal shopper & concierge (City Hall staff accepted)

8.   Ten free bets on “Fan Duel”

7.  Shuttle buses to New York beaches in Rockaway and Coney Island

6.   Voter registration forms (non-English preferred)

5.   NYC “Gun Free Zone” exemption

4.   Admission to “The View”

3.   “Date Your New Neighbor” account (comes with free shoes and smoking jacket)

2.   Leather briefcases, to carry fentanyl

..and the NUMBER ONE REQUEST FROM MIGRANTS NOW RESIDING at NEW YORK’S ONCE-POSH ROOSEVELT HOTEL is…

1.  Taylor Swift concert tickets

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.     In the well of the U.S. Senate, Mitch McConnell bench-presse​d ​Kirsten Gillibrand ten times.

9.   Kamala is reading an entire children’s book to a 3rd grade class.

8.  Donald Trump and Chris Christie meet in a sumo “cage” match…

7.    Adam Schiff dons an 18-pound, portable, back-mounted lie detector, 24/7.

6.   Gavin Newsom ​to ​walk alone through San Francisco at 2:00AM, with a $100 bill stapled to his lapel.

5.    First Lady Dr. Jill and First Gentleman Doug Emhoff set up a D.C. “kissing booth” as a fund-raiser for their favorite charity:  “The Hunter Defense Fund” on GoFundMe.com.

4.  US Senator Jon Fetterman wore a windsor-knotted tie to the office THREE DAYS in a row!​   The last one he tied himself.

3.    Rushing towards a TV crew and then a radio microphone, Chuck Schumer set new “Senior Olympics” marks in both the long-jump and the high-jump.

2.   Joseph Biden taking “Cornpop” behind the school gym (any gym!) again.

…and the NUMBER ONE “FEAT” a POLITICIAN is DOING this WEEK to PROVE HER “FITNESS for OFFICE” is…

1.  Hillary seeks world record with the 25-pound sledge hammer, smashing 35 harddrives in 60 seconds.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               10. “OUR SHRINKING FEDERAL DEBT”

9. “SUCCESSFUL SOCIALIST STATES”                      (sorry, no answers available for this category)                                                                                                                                                   8. “FIDEL CASTRO – THE EARLY YEARS”

         7.  “HEROIC LEADERS with SPORADIC DEMENTIA”

          6. “NAME that WHITE SUPREMACIST”                                                                                                                                                                         

          5.   “BIDEN FOREIGN POLICY ACHIEVEMENTS”

          4.   “ROUSING SPEECHES to the COMMUNIST​ PARTY CONGRESS “

          3.   “YOUR INFLUENCE-PEDDLING WORLD CHAMPIONS”

          2.  “WHITE-ADJACENT PRIVILEGE”

 …and the NUMBER ONE NEW “JEOPARDY!” CATEGORY if BERNIE, AOC & SLEEPY JOSEPH BECAME PRODUCERS is…

         1.  “19th CENTURY TRANSGENDER PRESIDENTS”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. IF I AM ON FOREIGN SOIL, THE COUNTRY CAN’T DEFAULT, CAN IT? 

9. WHILE I AM POSING ON MOUNT FUJI, WILL KAMALA BE IN CHARGE!

8.  ​JAPAN’S PRESIDENT IS FUMIO KISHIDA.    IT’S FUN TO SAY “TANAKA,” BUT DON’T DO IT.

7.   JILLY:  ​GET​ ME AMBASSADOR WALTER MONDALE.

6. DO NOT REFER TO YOURSELF AS “THE BIG GUY.”    THERE IS NO MONEY TO BE MADE HERE.

5.  WHA’D’YA MEAN, AIR FORCE ONE STILL AIN’T CARBON NEUTRAL?

4.   DAMN!    THE JAPANESE HAVE NEVER​ EVEN​ HEARD OF SCRANTON.

3.     KIM JONG-UN ISN’T IN THE G-7?

2.    REMEMBER, OKINAWA IS JAPANESE, AND SAMOA IS AMERICAN.

…and the NUMBER ONE SCRIBBLING in the MARGINS of PRESIDENT BIDEN’S “BRIEFING BOOK” for JAPAN is:

1.   SO, MIGRANTS CAN’T ACTUALLY WADE INTO JAPAN?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  “Camilla, that’s not really perfume, is it?

​ 9.    ​“The crown is mostly polyester, duct tape and rhinestones?”

8.  “No, that guy actually​ IS​ Carrot Top.”

7.      “If ol’ Charlie is such a big climate guy, what’s with the thousand vehicles?”

6.   “OK, ​I see​ Dr. Jill in the front row.    But who are the guys in the horse suit?”

5.   “Who knew that Kim Jong-un ran a great kimchee truck?”

4.     “Is that a foreign leader or just a nut riding shirtless on a horse?”

3.     “For $125 million, I coulda-got everybody lobster tail!”
   2.     “So if I pay cash to the guy with the cigar, I can stay in Buckingham Palace tonight?”

…and the NUMBER ONE REVELATION DISCOVERED by PROFESSIONAL LIP READERS at the CORONATION is…

1. “I thought London had ‘congestion pricing.'”   

  “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.    Seek “observer” status for the 2024 “Party Congress” of the CCP.

9.  Wade across the Rio Grande to show solidarity with drug mules.

8. All in for new BFF Kamala —  help her to “control” the border​… ​ though it’s not really needed.

7.  In my constituent newsletter, explain why New York taxes are such a privilege to pay.

6. Denounce that awful insurrection.     No, not the one in Nashville.

5.  Hire my next Congressional campaign manager.     Arrest record preferred.

4.    Be careful to condemn deaths as “executions” only when they are prompted by white males.

3.  Remember to never separate the phrase: “MAGA Republicans.”

2.    Seek carbon-neutral ways to commute from the Bronx to Washington.  Wait… Scratch that!

…and the NUMBER ONE ITEM on CONGRESSWOMAN A.O.C.’s “TO DO” LIST, 2023-24, is…

1. Deliver a baby “identifying” as a male.    Then, name him “Fidel.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “36?    Is that the temperature in Fairbanks?”

       “No sir, that’s your approval rating.”

9. “Where’s the basement?   Take me there, Jilly.”

8.  “Aren’t we makin’ any money off this video?”

7. “Did I re-record this already?”

         “Yes sir, this ‘take’ makes eighteen.”

6.    “This doesn’t look like Rehoboth.”

5.     “Fentanyl…   Fentanyl…   is she the Foreign Minister of Norway?”

4.   “This is a great house.    Isn’t that enough reason to declare again?”

3.     “RFK wants to run?   I knew him and his wife Ethel.”

2.     “We need to finish the job.       Some Americans still have savings accounts and guns.”

…and the NUMBER ONE WHISPER OVERHEARD DURING JOSEPH BIDEN’S RE-ELECTION ANNOUNCEMENT VIDEO PRODUCTION is…

1.  “The price is $400,000?  Hunter painted that one in kindergarten.”      

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.     Enjoying your Hummer?  ​Now, drive it directly into the penitentiary, where you will begin serving three-to-five.

​

9. To reduce emissions from meat production​:​ a $5 deduction for each grasshopper you buy for consumption.   Incentive raised to $10 per insect during Thanksgiving week.       ​(​When filing your tax return, please attach photos of ​all family member​ chewing and swallowing Federally-approved insects.​)​

8.  $2,000 cash if you remain seated while​ listen​ing​ to the entirety of an AOC speech on climate change.   ​(​Only three Americans have been able to accomplish this feat.​)​

7.    $500,000 tax credit and 100,000 airline miles if you can persuade John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, Leonardo di Caprio and Al Gore to NOT fly private jets for 365 days.

6.     $100-worth of government cheese for each  week a homeowner avoids utilizing more than 10 gallons of hot water.    Feds will also provide perfume and high-test deodorant.

5.   Child care credit will be replaced with more eco-friendly Celibacy Tax Credit.

     4.  Turn up your thermostat, receive visit from an armed Elizabeth Warren.

3.      New York will introduce a “Green New Year’s Eve”​:  ​ ​All​ energy-sucking lights​ and Jumbo-trons​ in Times Square​ will be shut down.

2.   Purchase three electric vehicles you can’t afford, then receive the “XI Jin​p​ing $20,000 Federal Subsidy” and a personal thank-you call from one of his active copper or cobalt mines.

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW BIDEN POLICY to “PROD” AMERICANS TOWARD “GREEN” LIFESTYLES is…

1. For all members of Congress voting for the “Green New Deal”:  Office thermostats will be set at 50 in winter and 90 in summer.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .