Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.   Thanks to Bidenflation, 41% of U.S. heads-of-households are considering a dinner of “mashed potatoes in the shape of a turkey.”

9.  On Wednesday, the President might not grant clemency to a traditional large bird…      but instead, he’ll pardon Hunter.

8.  Congressional “Squad” will declare that “Black Friday” sales are arranged only for the benefit of capitalist predators.

7.  New York Times editorial headline to read:  “GRATITUDE… FOR WHAT?’

6.     Anonymous White House aides planning to rename: the “White House Winter Solstice Tree“ and the “National Cold Weather Candelabra”   (formerly the White House menorah…)

5.    At the President’s “surprise” (everything is a surprise nowadays) 80th birthday party, Nancy Pelosi to show up to sing her version of “Santa, Baby!”

4.    At the southern border, Democrat office-holders to greet Thursday’s migrant arrivals with plates of taxpayer-supplied turkey, gift shoes and free tuition vouchers….   .

3.   Outraged that the classic movie “It’s A Wonderful Life” is being televised every day, a TV critic sees “the hand of white supremacy.”

2.   In Qatar, government officials have promised that same-sex couples attending the World Cup this week “will not be arrested” until the quarter-finals.

…and the NUMBER ONE UNEXPECTED HAPPENING this THANKSGIVING 2022 is….

 1.At the annual Thanksgiving Parade down Broadway, the huge “Kamala Harris balloon” will be positioned between the “Snoopy the Aviator balloon” and the “juggling Santas.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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10.      47% OF FETTERMAN for U.S. SENATE SUPPORTERS HAVE NEVER SEEN “THE ADDAMS FAMILY” ON TV

 9. ​ ​ OF THOSE SURVEYED, 9​6​% OF AMERICAN VOTERS SUPPORT “EQUITY”

 8.   9​7​% OF AMERICANS COULD ​“​NOT DEFINE​“​ EQUITY

 7.   38% OF SAN FRANCISCANS SURVEYED BELIEVE THAT ASSAULT CHARGES SHOULD BE INCREASED WHEN YOUR ATTACKER IS A NUDIST

 6.   3% OF NANCY PELOSI VOTERS SUSPECT THAT SHE WAS THE NUDIST WHO ATTACKED PAUL PELOSI

 5.    12% OF WISCONSINITES BELIEVE THAT LT. GOVERNOR MANDELA BARNES WAS PREVIOUSLY THE  PRESIDENT OF SOUTH AFRICA

 4.     3% OF FLORIDIANS VOTED FOR GOV. DeSANTIS BECAUSE HIS MIDDLE NAME IS “DION”

 3.     ​43% OF ​A.O.C. VOTERS ADMIT THAT THEY “LOVE FREE STUFF” FROM THE GOVERNMENT

 2.      2% OF “LATE VOTING DEMOCRATS” FAVOR AN IMMEDIATE U.S. WITHDRAWAL FROM VIETNAM

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING RESULT from EXIT POLLS on ELECTION DAY was…

 1.    AMONG LEGAL MARIJUANA ADVOCATES, 7% WANT RUSSIA TO STOP ATTACKING “THE YUKON”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.    Kim Jong-un as LeBron James

 9.     Sen. Maggie Hassan as “Angry Hillary”

 8.    Joseph Biden as Lenny (“Of Mice and Men”)

 7.    Gov. Kathy Hochul as the ghost of Bella Abzug

 6.    Bernie Sanders as HBO’s Larry David

 5.    Kamala Harris, cackling, with broom

 4.    Charlie Crist as Benedict Arnold

 3.   Gavin Newsom as “High-Tax Dracula”    

2.   Chuck Schumer & Governor J.B. Pritzker in that not-too-convincing horse suit

…and the NUMBER ONE HALLOWEEN COSTUME SOMEONE HAS BEEN WEARING a BIT TOO LONG is:

1.   John Fetterman as Uncle Fester

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. “WASN’T  THAT JOHN FETTERMAN JUST GREAT?”
11.  “I FEEL SAFE, DON’T YOU?”  (statement made with 130 Secret Service and 80 local police present)
12. “WHO NEEDS DIESEL FUEL, ANYWAY?”
13.    “THANK GOODNESS, MARTHA’S VINEYARD IS WHOLE AGAIN!”
14.    “KAMALA AND I ARE VISITING ALL 54 STATES THIS MONTH…”
15.     “FORGIVENESS MEANS A WAITRESS PAYING OFF THE LOANS FOR A SURGEON.”
16.    “WE’RE ALSO BATTLING ALL THAT NEWFANGLED FREE SPEECH ON TWITTER NOW.”
17.      “THAT’S CRAZY.    SUPPOSE EVERY KID ATTENDED THE

SCHOOL OF HIS PARENTS’ CHOICE?”

2.   “WELCOME TO THE U.S.A.     REMEMBER, NO VOTE IS ILLEGAL.”

…and the NUMBER ONE “RALLY LINE” from JOSEPH and KAMALA this WEEK is…

1. “ELECT ME NEXT WEEK AND YOUR CHILD WILL SWITCH GENDERS NEXT MONTH!”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.  “You heard the President; we’re reducing the deficit and keeping gas prices low….”
11.   “It’s not really a tax….”
12.  “My bill would provide support to women and men who are pregnant…”
13.  “I have always enjoyed the​ deep​ love of my subjects…”
14.    “​Fellow citizens, thank you for inviting me here.  ​My pronouns are…”
15.     “What inflation?”
16.     “It’s only right for you​r tax dollars to pay off a surgeon’s student loan….”
17.   “The border is secure, but our town is a sanctuary….   just in case….”
18.      “Of course it’s ​y​our duty to buy $80,000 electric cars….    ​just don’t ​plug them in quite yet….”

1, “You’ve elected worse.”**

** I must credit the individual who gave me this phrase, decades ago.  He is former Ambassador & member of Congress Fred J. Eckert, one of my first bosses.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. Look!  Isn’t ​that the​ looter we saw on TV back in Caracas?
11. I’ll trade you my sushi snack pack for your Hostess Twinkies.
12. I was hoping I could score ​Yankee​s playoff tix when we got to New York.
13. We can walk from the bus terminal to this cute little wine bar…
14. New York City has ​TWO income taxes?​   I’m outta here.​
15. I am migrating here because of D. A. Alvin Bragg.
16. You were in prison for armed robbery?
17.   I hear that “Leopoldstadt” is all the rage on Broadway.
18.  I took the bus only after Joe Biden’s luxury jet flights were overbooked.

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD on the BUS FROM EL PASO to MANHATTAN was…

1. How come the buses BACK to Texas are filled with New York taxpayers?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.  Draw a “red line in the sand” with the same paint spray can used by Obama in Syria.
11.  If a “No-Ko” missile should strike Japan, Joseph will personally boycott kim-chee.
12.  If Vladimir doesn’t exit Ukraine, we will stop importing those high-end sports cars from Russia.   
13. NBA  ​tele​casts​ in​to​ North Korea​ will be jammed.​
14. Anthony Blinken, in sleeveless muscle-shirt, will call news conference to denounce “disrespect, even if unintentional, to the new world order.”
15.  Kamala will express how proud she is to be “allied with Russia,” but then refer to Vlad as “Czar.”
16. White House Mess is poised to remove spring rolls, Stolichnaya and North Korean dog meat from menu options.
17. To mock Supreme Leader Ali Khameini, President will conduct entire White House news conference wearing a black turban.
18. In an offending nation​,​ USA will cut back tourism advertising by 10%.

…and the NUMBER ONE JOSEPH BIDEN RESPONSE if a FOREIGN ADVERSARY “CROSSES the LINE” is…

1.  Should China threaten Taiwan, Joseph will demand another $1 billion for Hunter to “invest.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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​10.​  $2,587 for official “Chuck Schumer portrait​“​ lunch boxes for each member of the US Senate

​  9.​  $​4​67,000 to purchase luxury coaches ​from​ Willie Nelson, Garth Brooks and Billy Joel, in order to transport migrants in a non-threatening, non-judgmental mode.

​  8.  ​$43,682 ​(​added to the Medicare budget​)​, to cover a “tune up” for the President’s hair-plugs.

​  7.​ $11.2 million for multilingual tourist guidebooks for New York, Washington, D.C. and Martha’s Vineyard.

​  6.​   $900 million to hire IRS agents, whose audits will be ​focus​ed ​on​ family-run dry cleaners in municipalities with fewer than 75,000 residents 

​  5.​   $51 million for training and sidearms for th​ose​ IRS agents…..​          

4.  $4 million to hire 6 ​W​hite ​H​ouse caregivers for​ ​an ​“u​nspecified person​“​ and 2 English translators for an ​“u​nspecified person​“​ in the Vice President’s residence.

​   3.​  ​(​Requested by Transportation Secretary Buttigieg) $ 2.3 million for a ​study to determine the level of racism caused by the Interstate Highway System.  

​   2.​  $43.2 million to hire staff for the newly created office of the “Assistant Secretary of State for Plant and Animal Protection.”

…and the NUMBER ONE LESSER-KNOWN RIDERS ATTACHED to this WEEK’S RESOLUTION THAT KEEPS the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT RUNNING is…

​   1.   ​ $52 million for a new, second “Gulfstream” private jet, so that John Kerry w​ill never​ ​feel​ forced to fly  to ​”​climate​”​ meetings​ ​with staff or servants.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  Why would you need a gun?      That’s what we pay my armed guards for!

 9.  Eventually, we will have metal detectors in the subways.

 8.  My new “Gun Free Zone” signs in Times Square will scare off all those bad guys.

 7.   The “Son of Sam” is still in prison, right?

 6.   We don’t want the “wild west” here, like dangerous Boise or West Palm Beach.

 5.   Even Hunter Biden threw out his gun.

 4.  Nobody’s going huntin’ in the Bronx!

 3.  Look at how scary that rifle grip looks!

 2.  New gun stores could crowd out those cappuccino and potpourri shops….

…and the NUMBER ONE REASON WHY GOVERNOR KATHY HOCHUL WANTS EVEN MORE GUN CONTROL is…

 1.  The police get to nearly every home invasion within 45 minutes.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  You proudly show your Ilhan Omar tattoo to most everyone.

 9.   You are for choice….   but never parental school choice​, of course.​

 8.   You identified with a new gender this week….

 7.  “Paying one’s fair share” in taxes is always for someone else.

 6.  You’ve really learned a lot from Greta Thunberg and AOC.

 5.  When you saw a migrant out yonder from your “Vineyard” mansion, you actually did clutch your pearls.

 4.   You lecture your immigrant cab driver on his duty to pay off your Harvard Law School student loans.

 3.  You ​hated​ Joe McCarthy’s goals, but love his methods.

 2.  ​From your private jet’s mobile phone​, you call in to CNN about the “existential threat” from climate….

…and the NUMBER ONE TIP-OFF THAT YOU are a GENUINE PROGRESSIVE is…

 1.  Your big idea:   transfer border patrol officers and their weapons to the IRS​.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .