Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  If you win the nomination, can I be the Ying to your Yang?

 9.  No, this isn’t a sugar high.   I ​hop-scotch​ around El Paso like this​ all the time​.

 8. Suppose, just suppose…  instead of giving everybody cash, we gave ’em a grand’s worth of weed​ each month​…?

 7. No, I’m not the “chrystals” lady, I’m a US Senator.

6.   So your vacation White House would be in Newark?

​ 5. ​  So your winter White House would be in Minnesota?​ ​

 4.   ​​Would you support giving each ​“​undocumented​“​ person a​ free electric car​?   Show of hands, please.    

 3.   Please, please.  Just put this Indian headdress on just once, just for me….. 

2. OK, there was no Gillibrand singing in “Abba.”   Are you in the “tribute” band?

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD AFTER or PRIOR to the DEMOCRAT DEBATES is:

1. With some hard work, you could be ready for prime time in 2024, Joe.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

Guess which 8 entries are from an actual dating site, and which 2 were created by your editor…

10.   31, gender unimportant. ​Hitchhike with me ​along Comrade Che’s South American motorcycle paths this fall.  Along the way, we will sleep under the stars ​and steal from plutocrats.

 9.  (He/they) baby anarchist, a tad religious, super queer, early 20s, Dumb brain w/ social anxiety impedes me from mtg people  the old fashioned way…..

 8.   38, he/him likes women.  Sometimes described as an eclectic mix of value form theory, autonomism, Maoism, and Star Trek.   Here to cook dinner or argue about social reproduction theory and Gritty.   Just trying to keep socialism weird.

 7.  23, black​&puertorican pan trans girl (she/her) socialist looking for something casual/non/monog.  Fairly reformist. w/ an appetite for the rich.  Love biking+dancing in pretty dresses.

 6.   26 he/him genderless, looking for she/her, they/them.  unaffiliated.  writes poetry.   grand ambitions (delusional). silly.

 5.   significantly left (maybe anarcho-syndicalist) cis hetero male, 23yo looking for fwp, something casual, convos, possibly somethin’ serious.  Interested in imperialism, feminist legal theses, Palestinian rights, food & movies.

 4.  28 trans-fem queer socialist satanist (she/her) seeking any/all genders for fun and book recommendations.  tell me queer county commune must-haves.  no cops, no chasers.

 3. 26 yr old cornbread communist. trans and queer gentlethem.  misandry-adjacent.  giallo-obsessed.  graphic designer, artist and occasional gaymer.  let’s cook dinner, build a fire, or go on a hike!!  into moral clarity, painterly distraction.

 2.   29, straight, autistic, n.b. acid convert, Music and literature, but nowadays mostly music.   Let’s jam and get rid of right to work laws together.

…and the NUMBER ONE AD GLEANED FROM a LEFT-OF-CENTER DATING SITE is:

1.  Atheist? Trotskyite?  Celibate?  Me too!

Which two entries were written by your editor?  Numbers 10 and 1.   All others actual ads are from a lefty dating site.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

(Whew! We had a 14-hour power and Internet outage, so we barely got this “Top Ten” to your inbox on time….)

10.  Why wait?  ​Call for the immediate abolition of the gasoline-powered engine. ​Hold your “press avail” at the​ Indianapolis 500​.​

 9.  Find and announce another five genders.

 8.  When comparing air-conditioned processing centers for illegals to Nazi death camps, be brave and do so at a gathering of Holocaust survivors.​

 7.   Try to reclaim a former stronghold of Democrat voters.   Hold your next “Green New Deal” news conference outside ​the Marshal County Coal Mine in West Virginia.

 6.  If your government health plan is enacted, tell us if Medicare will go bankrupt before Congresswoman Ocasio becomes eligible to run for president (2024).

 5.   Historically, ladies, how often does “democratic” socialism remain democratic?

 4.  ​ Kindly explain how criticism of ideas equals racism.

 3. Of course “the Squad” has ideas on dealing with the Strait of Hormuz, nukes in Korea, the South China Sea and eastern Ukraine.​  Back to-ya in a minute.

 2.  Prank Speaker Pelosi by wearing your Antifa masks on the floor of the House.

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY the FOUR RADICAL CONGRESSWOMEN can PROMOTE THEIR “PROGRESSIVE” AGENDA is:

1.  As soon as US Senator Mazie Hirono lands in Honolulu’s Daniel K. Inouye Airport, make good on your promise to shut down airplane travel.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Is that anything nutritious on your head?

9. Hair?  That is so 2015.

8. As a matter of fact, I actually do keep a weapon up there.

7. I have found that my mohawk has assisted me in closing high-end sales.

6. Indeed, I have other similarities to Rasputin….

5. That message I shaved in to my skull says:   “GIVE ME THIS JOB.” Impressed?

4. I just prefer housepaint to shampoo…

3. My hairdresser says this is  “Friar Tuck light.”

2. Yes, others have also called me “aerodynamic.”

…and the NUMBER ONE WORKFORCE DISCUSSION POINT NOW THAT “HAIRSTYLE DISCRIMINATION” is to BE DISCOURAGED is:

1. And if you hire me, you’ll find that cell phone reception improves in the vicinity of my skull…

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Drivers’ licenses are one thing, but how how about free Priuses ?  (a worthy addendum to that ‘Green New Deal​!​’)

9. Oppose all efforts to build a border wall, which would unfairly exclude non-track & field athletes from immediate​ government benefits in the U.S.

8.   Cross the border, marry an American   (-but not the punitive, patriarchal kind of marriage so horribly typical ​in America​)​.

7.    Vote against any ​Congressional funding to create more facilities and hire ​needed​ staff for the border.

6.    Refer to all the migrants in a​n endless​ caravan of thousands as “refugees.”

5.   By all means, have a photo-op and ​a high-volume ​news conference , but never speak with​ actual​ Federal agents.

4.     Remember, this is all Trump’s fault.

3.   Free buses to El Paso, Tucson, Tempe and San Diego.   Sorry, only chilled food service available.​

2.  Sanctuary cities?  States?   We need a sanctuary nation, baby!

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY “PROGRESSIVES” ARE REALLY PROVING THEY WANT to END ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION is:

1.Have all current candidates for President support free ​care​ for illegals in America’s oppressive, inferior health care system. ​ ​ 

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.   Which is preferable to you :  President Trump’s strong sanctions against Russia, or Hillary Clinton’s sale of American uranium assets to Vladimir Putin?

9. When and where did you last hunt for your own food?

8. You have all been running for president for months now.   Who wants to admit that your city or state is operating better without you?  Show of hands, please.

7. How many illegal immigrants have you granted sanctuary to in your own house?

6. Senator Bernie Sanders doesn’t seem to comprehend the difference between “revenue” and “profit.”   Can any of you explain this to him?

5.  If it was wrong for past members of Congress to work with segregationist Senators….  what about anti-semitic extremists like Representatives Omar and Tlaib today?

4. Do you agree with Secretary Castro that transgender women require abortion rights?

3. If Presidents Harry S. Truman, John F. Kennedy or Lyndon B. Johnson were running for re-election today, would you or another “progressive” deserve support in opposing them?

2. You all agree that illegal aliens deserve free, unlimited health care at taxpayer expense.  What other “free stuff” do you propose for illegals?

…and the NUMBER ONE SUGGESTED “LIGHTING ROUND” QUESTION for the NEXT PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE is:

1.  Most of your states have decriminalized marijuana possession.   Are you high at this very moment?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10. A CREEPY GUY for EVERY LADIES ROOM !!

  9.  N​OBODY WILL EVER HAVE to PAY for​ ALL THIS FREE STUFF I am PROMISING.

​                -Kamala 

 8.   “I’​LL do for the COUNTRY WHAT MY WIFE did for BURLINGTON COLLEGE!”

           (–Bernie Sanders’ wife drove the college in to bankruptcy.)

​ 7. MAKE AMERICA LIKE NEWARK!

              -former Newark Mayor Cory Booker

 6. MAYBE VENEZUELA ISN’T MY IDEAL MODEL….

              -Elizabeth Warren

 5.  AS SOUTH BEND GOES, SO GOES the NATION!

              – Mayor Pete Buttigieg​

 4.  REPARATIONS NATION, BABY!

               – Kirsten Gillibrand

 3.  FULL EMPLOYMENT is OVER-RATED

               – Joe Biden

  2.  WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE, 170,000 FLEEING NEW YORKERS….. or YOUR LYING EYES?”

               – Mayor Bill DeBlasio

… and the NUMBER ONE SLOGAN to COUNTER “KEEP AMERICA GREAT” is:

1.  BUT ALTOGETHER, WE HAVE A COMBINED NAME RECOGNITION OF 11%…         -candidates Bennet, Bullock, Castro, Delaney, Gabbard, Gravel, Hickenlooper, Inslee, Klobuchar, Moulton, Messam, O’Rourke, Sestak and Swallwell

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “LA LA LAND”  ( Kamala Harris and the bizarre California culture that spawned her.)

 9.  “ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK II”  (Bill De Blasio and Andrew Cuomo co-star in an all-too-real drive to depopulate a great city)

 8.   “LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE” starring Congresswoman Ilhan Omar

 7.  “JURASSIC BIDEN:  The Resurrection”

 6. “12 YEARS a MODERATE”  (Presidential hopeful Kirsten Gillibrand explains her time representing a mostly rural Congressional district)

 5.  “CROUCHING SOCIALIST, HIDDEN STRONGMAN” (Bernie Sanders really believes that bigger government is the answer – to everything!)

 4.  “THE CHARGE of the REALLY, REALLY LIGHT BRIGADE”  (All 24 Democrat candidates for President are willing to fall for any scheme that inflates government and raises taxes.)

 3.   BARACK’S LABYRINTH  (The untold story of  real Americans struggling to navigate a hopelessly complex and unaffordable Obamacare).

 2.  ETERNAL SUNSHINE of the CLUELESS MIND  (House Speaker Nancy Pelosi explains voting for bills prior to reading them…)

…and the NUMBER ONE SUMMER MOVIE RELEASE WE’D LIKE to SEE in JULY is…

1.THE NUTTY PROFESSOR   (The definitive Elizabeth Warren biopic…)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. THREE HUNDRED NORMANDY CIVILIANS KILLED IN SURPRISE U.S. ​RAIDS

9. LOOKING AHEAD TO ELECTION, PRESIDENT SEEKS TO BURNISH HIS “AMERICA FIRST” IMAGE​

8. WHY NORMANDY AND NOT BRITTANY? STRATEGISTS DEBATE.

7. SOME FEAR  THAT ATTACK COULD PROVOKE HITLER TO INTERFERE IN U.S. ELECTIONS

6. AFTERMATH OF LANDINGS AT UTAH AND OMAHA BEACHES REVEALS UNPRECEDENTED ENVIRONMENTAL DEGRADATION

5. CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE QUESTIONS PRESIDENT’S LACK OF TRANSPARENCY IN PLANNING​ ​INCURSION ACROSS ENGLISH CHANNEL

4. SOME BELIEVE THAT SECRET MEETINGS WITH RUSSIAN MILITARY WARRANT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR

3. WASHINGTON POST OBTAINS DOCUMENTS THAT REVEAL EXACT LOCATIONS OF ALLIED SHIPS, AIRCRAFT AND TROOPS

2. IN PLANNING LAVATORIES FOR 156,000 TROOPS, TRANSGENDER ​ISSUE​S FALL ​BY​ THE WAYSIDE

…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE if TODAY’S MAINSTREAM MEDIA WAS COVERING the D-DAY LANDINGS is:

1.MUSSOLINI CRITICIZES D-DAY FOR PALPABLE IMPACT ON CLIMATE CHANGE

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

(YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST WILL BE “ON HIATUS” for a FEW WEEKS AFTER THIS POST. SEE YOU SOON…)

10. “That rum-soaked Russkie!”

9.  “Yes, there is a secret American hotel video of Vladimir Putin.   And it’s from Branson, Missouri.”

8.  “True, there was no collusion between the President’s campaign and any Russian national or their agents.  But there was this pushy, annoying Canadian guy.”

7.  ‘That’s an irrelevant question, you pipsqueak!”

6.   “Of the $35 million you gave us to investigate the election, we spent $2.1 mil on obsolete FAX machines.    Hey, this IS our Federal government, y’know.”

5.   “No, YOU should resign, Senator!”

4.   “Let me answer you in the form of a limerick.”

3.   “M’am, you want me to trust the word of that certified boozehound?”

2.   “I know the President did not engage in obstruction of justice.    But sometimes he’s got this, like, ‘obstructive personality,’ y’know?”

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING COMMENT BOB MUELLER WILL USE in HIS TESTIMONY to the HOUSE & SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEES is…

1.   “Congressman, I can explain my answer again.   But I can’t comprehend it for you.”

REMINDER: “YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST” WILL BE “ON HIATUS” for a FEW WEEKS. SEE YOU SOON.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .