Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.   “Olaf, it’s your turn to lead him around today.”

 9.  “Emanuel, can we buy some of your nuke power?”

 8. “Don’t tell anyone, but I could go for some mean tweets right about now.”

 7. “What is your preferred pronoun, Boris?”

 6.  “No, not smart.   Then we’d get Kamala!”

 5.  “The way he’s yelling about the Supreme Court… he really thinks he’s on Rehoboth Beach.”

 4.     “Joe, three of us crossed your southern border yesterday….    just to prove we could!”

 3.    “Vladimir is pounding on the front door.   What do I tell him?”

 2.     “Trudeau really modeled his gun ban on North Korea’s ?

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD at the G-7 MEETINGS in the GERMAN ALPS THIS WEEK was…

1. “In Tokyo, we call it ‘Bidenflation.'”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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(Now that a photo with VP Kamala has been discounted from $15,000 to $5,000 !! )

10.   Personal Tweet from Anthony Weiner….  ( $6)

         (With Photo Included, $26)

 9.  An Evening of Controlled Substances Sampling with Hunter (16 hour commitment)…   ($75,000, including China’s finest narcotics)

 8.  Slow Dance with Andrew Cuomo…    (YOU get free dinner, courtesy of Matilda Cuomo)

 7.  Ice Cream Cone with the “Big Guy” — (Must use Rehoboth Beach Venue Only….)    ($10, plus, you treat, including sprinkles)

 6.     Front-Row Seat for VP Kamala remarks on “the importance of the passage of time”….      (DNC will pay YOU $100 to remain seated for entire speech.)

 5.  DVD of Bernie Sanders reading three chapters from Das Kapital,  ($4)….   Spanish language Version, as Read by Comandante Maduro,  ($3)…

 4.      Join Nancy Pelosi for her Regular Botox Treatment,     ($5.49, plus cost of your treatment…)

 3.     Arrange for Adam Schiff to say something truthful about you in public…   ($250,000)

 2.    Take-out dinner from the French Laundry, with Gov. Gavin Newsom.    Paparazzi OK; masks and hoodies provided.        ($100 + your share of the food bill.)

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW PROMOTION from the DEMOCRAT NATIONAL COMMITTEE is…

 1.  Photo with certified non-female “Menstruating Person”….    ($1,500,000 cash   )           (Event to take place within Area 51, Nevada)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.    No, sir.   Kamala is heading to that fund-raiser, not to the border.

 9.    I need a break!   Can you put a Rudy Vallee record on the Victrola?

 8.    Um…   I believe he is napping, but he’ll be up for Jim Acosta.

 7.  Sorry, sir.   We cut back on pretzels due to rising costs.

 6.   Of course we can tax our way out of this!

 5.  Let’s see:   the police are “the enemy,”  so let’s disarm regular Americans.   Now watch the fun.

 4.  No, that door’s to a gaming arcade, not the men’s room.

 3.      Are those voters I see, marching towards the southern border?

 2.  On Tuesday, could we blame inflation on Kim Jong-un?

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD AROUND the WHITE HOUSE THIS WEEK is…

 1.     Sir, we believe you should change out of your robe for this TV speech.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  Fireworks.

 9.  Create a “Truth or Dare” segment, featuring Geraldo Rivera wiring up Adam Schiff to the very latest lie detector equipment.

 8.   Whenever a lie is detected, Nancy Pelosi is dunked into a large pool of cold water.

 7.  Switch TV hearings to Fox News, sponsored by “No-Doz.”

 6.    Pay whatever is required to bring back Bob Barker and Vin Scully as co-hosts…

 5.  Provide live coverage from wherever Hunter is hanging out.

 4.   Encourage Adam Kinzinger to cry throughout the entire series of shows.

 3.  During obligatory 15-minute recess, televise video of Kamala updating the nation on all her successes at the southern border.

 2.   Post an “inflation calculator” in lower corner of the TV screen, showing Americans the shrinkage in their paychecks and savings, minute-by-minute.

…and the NUMBER ONE IDEA to IMPROVE the TV RATINGS for the DEMOCRATS’ JAN. 6th “HEARINGS” / SHOW TRIAL is:

 1.    For the grand finale, Committee Chairman Bennie Thompson and Joseph Biden reprise their famous “tumbling jugglers” routine, before viewers doze off.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.   Successfully deflected all national media questions about the arrest of her drunk-driving husband  (Wait! Were there any questions at all?).

 9.    Handed over her Speaker’s gavel so she could continue to pour cups of coffee for husband Paul Sr..

 8.    Gave commencement address at Brown University, urging graduates to support clean water, equity and compassion.

 7.   Diverted Congressional staff to guard the liquor cabinets in her DC and San Francisco homes.

 6.   Issued proclamations of support for LGBTQ “Pride Month,” Pacific Islander Hall of Fame Week and the “Identity Politics World Championships.”

 5.   Passed legislation to arm Ukrainians and disarm Americans.

 4.    Praised the critical work of her January 6th committee, which, after all, is safeguarding our democracy.

 3.     Received briefing from staff, only to learn that Americans are opposed to inflation and higher taxes.

 2.   Added to her 250,000 air miles and 76 trips this year, courtesy of the U.S. Air Force… (but none to the southern border).

…and the NUMBER ONE NANCY PELOSI ACCOMPLISHMENT THIS WEEK is:

 1.   Visited Walter Reed Medical Center, received botox tune-up.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  While calling on the Air Force One phone, yells at staff to “turn down that Victrola!”​

 9.  Referred to​ the ​ “Fingerization” of that nation governed from Helsinki.​   (This one is true!)​

 8.   With a live mic nearby, praises Hunter as “the Biden family meal ticket.”

 7.   President lashes out at man, calling him a “lyin’, dog-faced pony-soldier…,”   only to realize he’s in a confessional.

 6.  As Transportation Secretary Pete Bud​d​igieg arrives in the Oval Office, Joseph asks him for “a Coke and a hot dog.”

 5.  Calls President Xi and assures him that “I am indeed ‘The Big Guy.’”

 4.  Looking out of a bedroom window toward the Potomac, asks Dr. Jill: “… is that the border​, honey​?”

 3.  Threatens military action if Canada doesn’t stop sending us comedic actors, affordable energy and TV game show hosts.

 2. After introduction from his new White House Press Secretary, President utters:  “Thanks so much, Kamala.”

…and the NUMBER ONE JOSEPH BIDEN GAFFE THIS WEEK is…

 1.  While in Seoul,​  Joseph greets new South Korean President Yoon Suk-yeol with a “Hey, Moon!” shout-out…. then apologizes with “Sorry, Kim,” and proceeds to forcefully denounce “Jim Crow 2.0​.​”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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 (​This​ memo left in the Press ​Secretary’s​ desk drawer…)

10.    The ​ambient ​temperature in the White House Briefing Room is Putin’s fault.

 9.    Remember, abortion is “health care.”   Yeah, and you can keep your doctor.

 8.    If Dr. Jill is present, feel free to refer to the Vice President as “that woman.”

 7.    “Sure, some prices have increased, but not used Pelotons, Victrolas or CD players.”

 6.   “Remember, you are a pioneer.    No press secretary has ever had to defend so many catastrophes at once.”

 5.     If you head to the White House Mess for lunch, try the “Ultra-MAGA Chili.”   It’s about time this administration created some new sources of gas.

 4.     No presidential Press Secretary has ever gone hungry.   On the other hand, our boss has already created some truly amazing shortages.

 3.     “This administration is not in monkeypox denial.”

 2.​     Repeat this one:   “The climate is in crisis, but the border is secure.”​   

…and the NUMBER ONE SUGGESTION LEFT by DEPARTING WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY JEN PSAKI for her SUCCESSOR, KARINE JEAN-PIERRE is…

 1.  If you see Joseph wandering around after hours, it is OK to close his robe.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  You still haven’t heard about Hunter’s laptop.

 9.  Visitors to your home are greeted by a bust of Brian Stelte​r​.

 8.  You say: Thank you for ​fighting inflation​, Joseph Biden.​

 7.    That Homeland Security guy says the border is at peace.

 6.   Russian gas pipeline​ = good​, Keystone pipeline = bad.

 5.    Illegal migrants​ need all that baby formula.​

 4.   Of course Kamala is ready to run the country.

 3.     You are passionate about women’s rights…   but can’t define “woman.”

​ 2.     Y’know, there’s a good side to $7 gasoline.​

…and the NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU’VE BEEN RELYING on the TIMES and CNN for YOUR NEWS is:

1. Your greatest fear is being perceived as “transphobic.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  At today’s​ prices​, Air Force One has​ just​ ​enough fuel for PR trips to Europe…    but not to our own border. 

 9.  To add sprinkles to ​Joseph’s​ ice cream cone, server charges an extra $11​.​

 8.  Just since last year, the taxpayer cost for the Vice President’s “NO BAIL” tattoo has gone from $2,000 to $5,000.

 7.  President Zelensky emerges from secret location to request foreign aid in pesos, not dollars.

 6.   Cost of 33 RPM ​Victrola​ record players and rotary-dial phones are through the roof!

 5.    From the Oval Office window, you can see hot dog vendors pushing wheelbarrows of cash to the bank.

 4.     New Federal poverty level ​for 2023:   $96,753 per annum​.

 3.   Joseph’s “hair plugs tune-up” will cost taxpayers $7,000 this year, versus $4,000 last year​… (​even in Delaware​!)​

​ 2. ​ Remember that $8 billion worth of military hardware Mr. Biden left in Afghanistan?     The Taliban is willing to sell it back to us for a mere trillion.

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY JOSEPH BIDEN and KAMALA are BEGINNING to SENSE THAT INFLATION is a PROBLEM is…

​ 1.   According to Hunter, an “escort” charges $200 more today than on St. Paddy’s Day.​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  At today’s​ prices​, Air Force One has​ just​ ​enough fuel for PR trips to Europe…    but not to our own border. 

 9.  To add sprinkles to ​Joseph’s​ ice cream cone, server charges an extra $11​.​

 8.  Just since last year, the taxpayer cost for the Vice President’s “NO BAIL” tattoo has gone from $2,000 to $5,000.

 7.  President Zelensky emerges from secret location to request foreign aid in pesos, not dollars.

 6.   Cost of 33 RPM ​Victrola​ record players and rotary-dial phones are through the roof!

 5.    From the Oval Office window, you can see hot dog vendors pushing wheelbarrows of cash to the bank.

 4.     New Federal poverty level ​for 2023:   $96,753 per annum​.

 3.   Joseph’s “hair plugs tune-up” will cost taxpayers $7,000 this year, versus $4,000 last year​… (​even in Delaware​!)​

​ 2. ​ Remember that $8 billion worth of military hardware Mr. Biden left in Afghanistan?     The Taliban is willing to sell it back to us for a mere trillion.

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY JOSEPH BIDEN and KAMALA are BEGINNING to SENSE THAT INFLATION is a PROBLEM is….

​ 1.   According to Hunter, an “escort” charges $200 more today than on St. Paddy’s Day.

​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .