Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  It’s a very pleasant 5 block walk from Trump Tower to the Russian Tea Room.

 9.  Showing off memory prowess, Paul Manafort chortingly recited  John Podesta e-mails about Hillary from Wikileaks.

 8.   Until this month, the most credible secret informer claiming collusion with Russians was Jussie Smollett.

 7. In candidate Trump’s office, Roger Stone rolled up his sleeve to reveal a “Vladimir Putin tattoo.”    Turned out to be a prank henna that washed off in 3 days.   That Roger!

 6. Christopher Steele just seemed so sincere and so honest.

 5. During the Miss Universe Pageant in Moscow, businessman Donald Trump accepted a cold borscht sent over by the mayor.

 4. Trying out future campaign nicknames on his escalator, Trump was undecided between “Little Vladimir” and “Lyin’ Vladdy.”

 3.   On tape, we can hear candidate Trump wondering if he too could get “$250,000 a speech in Moscow, like Bill Clinton.”

 2. Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was sighted chugging a machiato at the Starbucks in the Trump Tower lobby.

…and the NUMBER ONE PRELIMINARY FINDING in the DRAFT MUELLER REPORT is….

 1.  There IS an embarrassing tape from that Moscow hotel room.   A voracious Trump can be seen clearing out that entire mini bar.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.    ” No, I’m Not that Castro.”    – former San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro

 9.   “Kirsten Just Looks Like She Sings Backup in ‘Abba.’ ”   – Gillibrand 2020

 8.   “If we Get High Together, You’ll Forget Who’s President!”        -Kamala’s the One

 7.    “He’s Rested and Ready to be Released from the Attic.”   – Uncle Joe Biden 2020

 6.    “Y’never Know:  Elizabeth Warren Could be Related to You, too.”

 5. “We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Walls!   You can “Beto” Your Life on That!”    (Maybe literally…)

 4. “Elect a Vegan President!  We can End Meat & Seafood Consumption Now!”    -Corey Booker for America 2020

     (Slogan will not be targeted to dairy farmers of Wisconsin, pork farmers of Iowa, lobstermen of Maine or cattle ranchers in the Southwest….)

 3.  “Vote Howie, Grab Free Machiato!”  –  (Starbucks founder) Howard Schultz

 2. “No, You Can’t Keep Your Doctor!”   – Vote Bernie Sanders                               (co-sponsor of  ‘Medicare for All’ bill) 

…and the NUMBER ONE PRELIMINARY TRIAL SLOGAN for 2020 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES is…

1. “You Could Easily Elect Worse.”   – President Donald Trump

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.   Beginning  January 2, 2022,  public shaming of Americans driving gasoline powered vehicles will commence.

 9.  A 70% marginal income tax rate will be imposed on “wealthy” Americans, except those determined to be “progressive” in a majority vote of Ms. Ocasio, Elizabeth Warren and Nicolas Maduro.

 8.  Airplane travel will be limited to those signing the “Green New Deal” pledge prior to taking their first-class seats.

 7.   Those found idling their vehicles will be shot by escaping Venezuelan “security forces.”

 6.    The Hamptons, Martha’s Vineyard, Marina del Ray, San Francisco Bay and Key West will be exempt from off-shore wind farms, to avoid disturbing the ocean views of certified, worthy progressives.

 5.   Solar panels will be mounted on cows, steers and other bovines to offset the greenhouse gases they emit.

 4.  Fracking is henceforth determined to be a hate crime.

 3.   Those exposed as having complained about the “Green New Deal” will have their Internet, telephone and writing privileges withdrawn. 

 2.  Despite billions in private wealth available to enlightened celebrities, tax credits will subsidize luxury private jets for Leonardo Di Caprio, Al Gore, Mark Ruffalo and Michael Bloomberg, so that they might warn about the dangers of our “carbon footprint.”

…and the NUMBER ONE LESSER KNOWN FEATURE IN THE OCASIO-CORTEZ “GREEN NEW DEAL” is:

 1.SUV & truck drivers will be properly humiliated with public shaving of their heads (includes all 64 genders).

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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:

10.  ​ ​Leading off New York’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade​:    ​30 flatbed trucks displaying Soviet-era SS-20 missiles ….

 9.  Jimmy ​Fallon​ takes a week off from The Tonight Show.    Guest host:   Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov.

 8.  Angela Merkel, Viktor Orban, Emmanuel Macron and Theresa May arrive on Cape Cod in a rickety raft, seeking asylum.

 7.   For three weeks now, the lunch menu at the White House Mess always features borscht and Stolichnaya.

 6.    Jaded​ Bostonians ​ don’t notice that the “Washington Shuttle” jet they just boarded is operated by Aeroflot.

 5.   ​C​all​ers​ to Warsaw, Rome and Oslo always h​ear​ that creepy “busy circuit.”

​ 4.   The Good News:   Finally, a woman appears on the US $20 bill.    

  The Bad News:   It’s Catherine the Great​.

 3.  Most popular American baby names – 2017:    Liam and Emma   

  Most popular American baby names –    2019:  Nikita and Klementina

 2.  Strangely familiar man without shirt seen driving on Route 66  “road trip,” with Raul Castro, Daniel Ortega and Nikolas Maduro “riding shotgun,” in a manner of speaking.

…and the NUMBER ONE JUST-REVEALED SURE-FIRE SIGN to “TIP OFF” PRESIDENT OBAMA and SECRETARIES CLINTON & KERRY THAT the RUSSIANS are CHEATING on the INF (MISSILE) TREATY is:

 1.  St. Petersburg’s iconic Hermitage Museum partly obscured by casually stacked nuclear warheads.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  ​Is the blonde ​your translator or mine?​

 9.  So, if, ​ ​just IF you were to build a hotel in Moscow,  just if, who would supply you with Stol​i​chnaya?

 8. Yeah, imagine being married to Angela.  

 7.  You stop nagging me about Ukraine, and I’ll ​cut way back on my​ MSNBC​ ads​ next year.

 6. There’s no video, right?  Is there?   Stop grinning.

 5.   I once had a wisemouth like Nancy Pelosi, too.

​4. Really, how did you get down to a 13% flat income tax?

 3.  Yes, Ivana is still single.  Why do you ask?

 2.  If I bought at Mar-a-Lago, would you throw in a golf cart?

…and the NUMBER ONE ACTUAL PHRASE OVERHEARD in RECENT TRUMP – PUTIN CONVERSATIONS is…

 1.  Believe me, you remove shirt, jump on horse, and approval rating will be 60%.  

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “The North American Olympic Pole Vault Training Center”

 9. “Frozen Dunes”

 8. “The Gladiator Challenge Experience”

 7. “The Pelosi Palisades”

 6. “Big Bend National Park – WEST”

 5. “Schumer – Trump Towers”

 4. “Caravan Welcome Center”

 3.   ‘”Chavez-Maduro Rest Stop” (stocked with good ol’ US toilet paper)

 2.    “Won’t You be my Neighbor Fencing”

…and the NUMBER ONE “ALTERNATIVE” NAME for “the WALL” that MIGHT GAIN DEMOCRAT SUPPORT is….

 1.   “The Ocasio – Cortez Handball Courts”  (applicable to concrete border barriers only)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  LAS VEGAS ODDS-MAKERS TAKING BETS ON “DELIVERY DATE” OF MUELLER ​REPORT​  

9.  CNN’S ACOSTA OBLIVIOUS TO FACT THAT HIS NEWS REPORT MAKES A STRONG CASE FOR A BORDER WALL​

​ 8.  DATA REBUTS CUOMO CLAIM THAT NEW YORKERS FLEE THE STATE “DUE TO THE WEATHER”​ 

​ 7.  RATINGS CRASH FOR GOLDEN GLOBES TELECAST LINKED TO FAR-LEFT DIATRIBES IN SOME ACCEPTANCE SPEECHES 

 6. SCHUMER, PELOSI SEEN AS INCREASINGLY UNHINGED, EVEN ​PROCLAIMING​ WALLS TO BE “IMMORAL”

 5. INCLUDING REBOUND WEEK, STOCK PRICES CLIMB TO 27% GAIN SINCE TRUMP INAUGURAL

 4.  SECRETARY POMPEO CELEBRATED FOR COGENT ASSERTION OF U.S.​ DOCTRINE IN CAIRO SPEECH

 3. FATHER OF PARKLAND HIGH SCHOOL SHOOTING VICTIM APPLAUDS PRESIDENT’S OUTLINE FOR SCHOOL SAFETY, DECRIES OBAMA POLICIES of “LENIENCY”

 2. FOLLOWING U.S. LEAD, BRAZIL AND OTHER NATIONS PLAN EMBASS​Y MOVES​ FROM TEL AVIV TO JERUSALEM

…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE WE WON’T BE READING in the WASHINGTON POST THIS WEEK is…

 1.DISAPPOINTED BY REACTION TO HIS DENTAL APPOINTMENT VIDEO, “BETO” O’ROURKE ​PONDERS​ LIVE ​STREAMING​ OF ​HIS UPCOMING​ PROSTATE EXAM

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.

To subscribe for free to the Top Ten list, please visit  www.gipperten.com  .    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens by scrolling back through posts from 2016-2019,   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Senator Schumer is holding up the President’s Ambassadorial nominations….   (Wait — Wasn’t that happening anyway?)

 9. Paramours at Department of Justice have even more time for extra curricular activities.

8.   White House Mess now offering only KFC and Taco Bell at lunch.  (Now the President may never compromise).

 7. Despondent Federal employees available for interviews at nearly all ski resorts near major media markets.

 6. Government workers around the US will need a few extra years to replace Federal building lobby portraits of President Obama with those of President Trump.

 5. “Vital” winter Federal trainings in Las Vegas, the US Virgin Islands, Atlantic City and San Diego postponed for weeks (WEEKS, I tell you!)….    (These are all actual locations of past Federal trainings!)

 4.   A few guys down at the bar are wondering if maybe big government isn’t as necessary as they’ve been telling us.

 3. Federal GSA workers lament that whitewashing of the Washington Monument must be postponed until spring.

 2. U.S. Embassy in Cuba just might have to be closed.

…and the NUMBER ONE LITTLE KNOWN CONSEQUENCE of the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT “SHUTDOWN” is:

1.Nancy Pelosi flew back to DC on a commercial flight.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news. To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please log on to www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016 – 18 by scrolling back. Enjoy!

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10. Tons of cars keep entering Columbus Circle…. but very few seem to exit….

 9. “News” anchors at CNN and MSNBC wear sunglasses all the time now.

 8.  Mayor DeBlasio delivers his “State of the City” message three hours late, and begins with a huge grin and a hearty “Wow, man.”

 7.   95% of summer outdoor movie screenings to feature “Cheech and Chong” films.

 6. Now, 73% of New Yorkers actually “look forward to chatting with telemarketers.”

 5.   At LaGuardia and Kennedy Airports, hundreds of planes are taxiing around, but not many are taking off….

 4. At his weekly Sunday news conference, US Senator Schumer uses the word “toke” eleven times and just can’t stop giggling.

 3. Fully 21% of Hudson River commuter ferries wind up docking in Bermuda.

 2. Most common response from 311 operators is :  “Like , what?”

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY we can TELL THAT GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO has SIGNED the BILL to LEGALIZE RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA is:

1. The Governor keeps referring to “our beautiful new Andrew M. Cuomo Bridge.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news. To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens by scrolling back through 2016, 2017 and 2018.

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail to: [email protected] .

Enjoy!

YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST wishes all of our faithful subscribers and readers the very best for 2019, with health, opportunity and blessings for each of you…. and success, strengthened sovereignty and expanding freedoms for our beloved nation. -HWS

10.   New Socialist Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez:    Promise to learn a few simple “Supply and Demand” lessons…

9. Bill and Hill:  Resolve to avoid further embarrassment by bailing out on their  “Underwhelming World Tour”

8. Brian Stelter and Chris Cuomo:  Figure out how to make CNN Fake News more believable

7.  Jeff Flake and Bob Corker —  Flashy Grand Openings for their “Subway” franchises in Tombstone, Arizona and Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

6. James Comey:  Plead for a pardon from the President

5. MSNBC:    Get more than 5 people to watch them…

4. Kim Jong-un:   Start discarding nukes, get Dennis Rodman as U.S. Ambassador

3.  President Trump: Replace Twitter feed with some nice, low-tech radio “Fireside Chats”….

2.   Vladimir Putin:   Manipulate elections in Venezuela, Cuba and Nicaragua — IF they hold them!

…and the NUMBER ONE RESOLUTION for 2019 is….

1.    Those 30 potential Democrat candidates running for President:   Ensure that audience always exceeds the number of candidates on stage…

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news. To subscribe for free, please log on to www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through 2016, 2017, and 2018.

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail: [email protected] . Enjoy!