Your Weekly American Top Ten List

Eight of these 10 “gaffes” are accurate quotes. The other two were made up by your humble editor. Can you guess which two are fake?

10. “We choose truth over facts…”

9. “This is a big $%&@#$% deal!” (heard over open microphone at the White House Obamacare bill signing ceremony)

8. “It’s great to be back here in North Carolina.”  (during remarks in Danville, VA.)

7. “…Avoid planes, subways and classrooms.”   (comment while other officials discouraged overreaction during swine flu epidemic)

6. “This isn’t a real massage, honey.”  

5. “Why is it that Joe Biden is the first in his family ever to go to a university?”   (part of a speech plagiarized from British political extremist Neil Kinnock)

4. “Folks, I can tell you I’ve known eight presidents, three of them intimately.”

3. “Believe me, Barack Obama has a big stick.”

2. “Tulsi, Tulsi…  If I was only 30 years younger.”

…and the NUMBER ONE GAFFE from a CERTAIN FORMER VICE PRESIDENT is:

1. “I mean, you get the first African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice looking guy.  I mean, that’s storybook, man.”

(Quotes #2 and #6 are completely fake. The rest were actually uttered by former VP Joe Biden).

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  So, you’re a “vegan,” Senator Booker?    I liked that Mr. Spock character too.

  9.   Sorry, Congresswoman Gabbard.   Ain’t no “lettuce on a stick” around here.

  8.  A huge cow made out of butter?   Back in San Francisco, we have a 20-foot rat made from marijuana joints.

  7.   No, I won’t eat meat.   But as your president, I would defend Lady Gaga’s right to wear it.

  6.   Senator Warren, does the Constitution really protect cannibalism?

  5.   I thought Pork Rinds played the fiddle for Rascal Flatts.

  4.   Maybe if I told you this steer died of natural causes…

   3. Governor Enslee, the most carbon-friendly meat is actually squirrel.  Boiled or grilled?

  2.   If your magic crystals can make this watercress taste like pulled pork, y’got my vote, Miss Williamson.

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT MADE to a PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE at the MEAT-FRIENDLY IOWA STATE FAIR is:

  1.   Senator Sanders, the “Wing Ding” dinner isn’t named for the entrees, but for your crazy platform.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  If you win the nomination, can I be the Ying to your Yang?

 9.  No, this isn’t a sugar high.   I ​hop-scotch​ around El Paso like this​ all the time​.

 8. Suppose, just suppose…  instead of giving everybody cash, we gave ’em a grand’s worth of weed​ each month​…?

 7. No, I’m not the “chrystals” lady, I’m a US Senator.

6.   So your vacation White House would be in Newark?

​ 5. ​  So your winter White House would be in Minnesota?​ ​

 4.   ​​Would you support giving each ​“​undocumented​“​ person a​ free electric car​?   Show of hands, please.    

 3.   Please, please.  Just put this Indian headdress on just once, just for me….. 

2. OK, there was no Gillibrand singing in “Abba.”   Are you in the “tribute” band?

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD AFTER or PRIOR to the DEMOCRAT DEBATES is:

1. With some hard work, you could be ready for prime time in 2024, Joe.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

Guess which 8 entries are from an actual dating site, and which 2 were created by your editor…

10.   31, gender unimportant. ​Hitchhike with me ​along Comrade Che’s South American motorcycle paths this fall.  Along the way, we will sleep under the stars ​and steal from plutocrats.

 9.  (He/they) baby anarchist, a tad religious, super queer, early 20s, Dumb brain w/ social anxiety impedes me from mtg people  the old fashioned way…..

 8.   38, he/him likes women.  Sometimes described as an eclectic mix of value form theory, autonomism, Maoism, and Star Trek.   Here to cook dinner or argue about social reproduction theory and Gritty.   Just trying to keep socialism weird.

 7.  23, black​&puertorican pan trans girl (she/her) socialist looking for something casual/non/monog.  Fairly reformist. w/ an appetite for the rich.  Love biking+dancing in pretty dresses.

 6.   26 he/him genderless, looking for she/her, they/them.  unaffiliated.  writes poetry.   grand ambitions (delusional). silly.

 5.   significantly left (maybe anarcho-syndicalist) cis hetero male, 23yo looking for fwp, something casual, convos, possibly somethin’ serious.  Interested in imperialism, feminist legal theses, Palestinian rights, food & movies.

 4.  28 trans-fem queer socialist satanist (she/her) seeking any/all genders for fun and book recommendations.  tell me queer county commune must-haves.  no cops, no chasers.

 3. 26 yr old cornbread communist. trans and queer gentlethem.  misandry-adjacent.  giallo-obsessed.  graphic designer, artist and occasional gaymer.  let’s cook dinner, build a fire, or go on a hike!!  into moral clarity, painterly distraction.

 2.   29, straight, autistic, n.b. acid convert, Music and literature, but nowadays mostly music.   Let’s jam and get rid of right to work laws together.

…and the NUMBER ONE AD GLEANED FROM a LEFT-OF-CENTER DATING SITE is:

1.  Atheist? Trotskyite?  Celibate?  Me too!

Which two entries were written by your editor?  Numbers 10 and 1.   All others actual ads are from a lefty dating site.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

(Whew! We had a 14-hour power and Internet outage, so we barely got this “Top Ten” to your inbox on time….)

10.  Why wait?  ​Call for the immediate abolition of the gasoline-powered engine. ​Hold your “press avail” at the​ Indianapolis 500​.​

 9.  Find and announce another five genders.

 8.  When comparing air-conditioned processing centers for illegals to Nazi death camps, be brave and do so at a gathering of Holocaust survivors.​

 7.   Try to reclaim a former stronghold of Democrat voters.   Hold your next “Green New Deal” news conference outside ​the Marshal County Coal Mine in West Virginia.

 6.  If your government health plan is enacted, tell us if Medicare will go bankrupt before Congresswoman Ocasio becomes eligible to run for president (2024).

 5.   Historically, ladies, how often does “democratic” socialism remain democratic?

 4.  ​ Kindly explain how criticism of ideas equals racism.

 3. Of course “the Squad” has ideas on dealing with the Strait of Hormuz, nukes in Korea, the South China Sea and eastern Ukraine.​  Back to-ya in a minute.

 2.  Prank Speaker Pelosi by wearing your Antifa masks on the floor of the House.

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY the FOUR RADICAL CONGRESSWOMEN can PROMOTE THEIR “PROGRESSIVE” AGENDA is:

1.  As soon as US Senator Mazie Hirono lands in Honolulu’s Daniel K. Inouye Airport, make good on your promise to shut down airplane travel.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Is that anything nutritious on your head?

9. Hair?  That is so 2015.

8. As a matter of fact, I actually do keep a weapon up there.

7. I have found that my mohawk has assisted me in closing high-end sales.

6. Indeed, I have other similarities to Rasputin….

5. That message I shaved in to my skull says:   “GIVE ME THIS JOB.” Impressed?

4. I just prefer housepaint to shampoo…

3. My hairdresser says this is  “Friar Tuck light.”

2. Yes, others have also called me “aerodynamic.”

…and the NUMBER ONE WORKFORCE DISCUSSION POINT NOW THAT “HAIRSTYLE DISCRIMINATION” is to BE DISCOURAGED is:

1. And if you hire me, you’ll find that cell phone reception improves in the vicinity of my skull…

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Drivers’ licenses are one thing, but how how about free Priuses ?  (a worthy addendum to that ‘Green New Deal​!​’)

9. Oppose all efforts to build a border wall, which would unfairly exclude non-track & field athletes from immediate​ government benefits in the U.S.

8.   Cross the border, marry an American   (-but not the punitive, patriarchal kind of marriage so horribly typical ​in America​)​.

7.    Vote against any ​Congressional funding to create more facilities and hire ​needed​ staff for the border.

6.    Refer to all the migrants in a​n endless​ caravan of thousands as “refugees.”

5.   By all means, have a photo-op and ​a high-volume ​news conference , but never speak with​ actual​ Federal agents.

4.     Remember, this is all Trump’s fault.

3.   Free buses to El Paso, Tucson, Tempe and San Diego.   Sorry, only chilled food service available.​

2.  Sanctuary cities?  States?   We need a sanctuary nation, baby!

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY “PROGRESSIVES” ARE REALLY PROVING THEY WANT to END ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION is:

1.Have all current candidates for President support free ​care​ for illegals in America’s oppressive, inferior health care system. ​ ​ 

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.   Which is preferable to you :  President Trump’s strong sanctions against Russia, or Hillary Clinton’s sale of American uranium assets to Vladimir Putin?

9. When and where did you last hunt for your own food?

8. You have all been running for president for months now.   Who wants to admit that your city or state is operating better without you?  Show of hands, please.

7. How many illegal immigrants have you granted sanctuary to in your own house?

6. Senator Bernie Sanders doesn’t seem to comprehend the difference between “revenue” and “profit.”   Can any of you explain this to him?

5.  If it was wrong for past members of Congress to work with segregationist Senators….  what about anti-semitic extremists like Representatives Omar and Tlaib today?

4. Do you agree with Secretary Castro that transgender women require abortion rights?

3. If Presidents Harry S. Truman, John F. Kennedy or Lyndon B. Johnson were running for re-election today, would you or another “progressive” deserve support in opposing them?

2. You all agree that illegal aliens deserve free, unlimited health care at taxpayer expense.  What other “free stuff” do you propose for illegals?

…and the NUMBER ONE SUGGESTED “LIGHTING ROUND” QUESTION for the NEXT PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE is:

1.  Most of your states have decriminalized marijuana possession.   Are you high at this very moment?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10. A CREEPY GUY for EVERY LADIES ROOM !!

  9.  N​OBODY WILL EVER HAVE to PAY for​ ALL THIS FREE STUFF I am PROMISING.

​                -Kamala 

 8.   “I’​LL do for the COUNTRY WHAT MY WIFE did for BURLINGTON COLLEGE!”

           (–Bernie Sanders’ wife drove the college in to bankruptcy.)

​ 7. MAKE AMERICA LIKE NEWARK!

              -former Newark Mayor Cory Booker

 6. MAYBE VENEZUELA ISN’T MY IDEAL MODEL….

              -Elizabeth Warren

 5.  AS SOUTH BEND GOES, SO GOES the NATION!

              – Mayor Pete Buttigieg​

 4.  REPARATIONS NATION, BABY!

               – Kirsten Gillibrand

 3.  FULL EMPLOYMENT is OVER-RATED

               – Joe Biden

  2.  WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE, 170,000 FLEEING NEW YORKERS….. or YOUR LYING EYES?”

               – Mayor Bill DeBlasio

… and the NUMBER ONE SLOGAN to COUNTER “KEEP AMERICA GREAT” is:

1.  BUT ALTOGETHER, WE HAVE A COMBINED NAME RECOGNITION OF 11%…         -candidates Bennet, Bullock, Castro, Delaney, Gabbard, Gravel, Hickenlooper, Inslee, Klobuchar, Moulton, Messam, O’Rourke, Sestak and Swallwell

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. THREE HUNDRED NORMANDY CIVILIANS KILLED IN SURPRISE U.S. ​RAIDS

9. LOOKING AHEAD TO ELECTION, PRESIDENT SEEKS TO BURNISH HIS “AMERICA FIRST” IMAGE​

8. WHY NORMANDY AND NOT BRITTANY? STRATEGISTS DEBATE.

7. SOME FEAR  THAT ATTACK COULD PROVOKE HITLER TO INTERFERE IN U.S. ELECTIONS

6. AFTERMATH OF LANDINGS AT UTAH AND OMAHA BEACHES REVEALS UNPRECEDENTED ENVIRONMENTAL DEGRADATION

5. CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE QUESTIONS PRESIDENT’S LACK OF TRANSPARENCY IN PLANNING​ ​INCURSION ACROSS ENGLISH CHANNEL

4. SOME BELIEVE THAT SECRET MEETINGS WITH RUSSIAN MILITARY WARRANT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR

3. WASHINGTON POST OBTAINS DOCUMENTS THAT REVEAL EXACT LOCATIONS OF ALLIED SHIPS, AIRCRAFT AND TROOPS

2. IN PLANNING LAVATORIES FOR 156,000 TROOPS, TRANSGENDER ​ISSUE​S FALL ​BY​ THE WAYSIDE

…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE if TODAY’S MAINSTREAM MEDIA WAS COVERING the D-DAY LANDINGS is:

1.MUSSOLINI CRITICIZES D-DAY FOR PALPABLE IMPACT ON CLIMATE CHANGE

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .