Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. Hillary Clinton in full-length mink… dossier in hand.

9. (Less-is-more) Russian President Vladimir Putin rides shirtless on horseback (see #8).

8. Robert Mueller and Charles Schumer share that 2-man “horse suit” (with Vladimir logo).

7. Kim Jong-un wears Chicago Bulls road uniform… and platform sneakers.

6. Former President Obama in a white medical coat with stethoscope. (Repeating “You can keep your doctor” mantra.)

5. Extra-tall Dracula: Mayor Bill DeBlasio with custom fangs to suck taxpayers dry,

4. Harvey Weinstein rolls out his new “bathrobe-and-chastity-belt” wardrobe combo-creation.

3. This is too easy:   Nancy Pelosi dresses as that obvious character from the Wizard of Oz.

2. Bill Clinton as an ascetic Hare Krishna monk.

…and the Number One most scary Halloween costume this year is:

1. Colin Kaepernick as Captain America.

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10.    TRUMP ADMINISTRATION DEDICATES RECORD RELIEF EXPENDITURES FOR PUERTO RICO

 9.     ADVOCATES AGREE THAT OBAMA EDICT TO COVER “D.A.C.A.” RESIDENTS WAS UNCONSTITUTIONAL

 8.     SPEAKER RYAN WOWS CATHOLIC ELITE WITH HUMOR AT AL SMITH DINNER;  DeBLASIO, CUOMO BOOED

 7.    U. S. RHETORIC and MANEUVERS FORCING NORTH KOREAN TO RE-CONSIDER BELLICOSITY

 6.   COUNTRY-WESTERN LISTENERS FOUND TO BE MORE CHARITABLE AND LAW ABIDING THAN U.S. AS A WHOLE

 5.   CLINTON ACTIONS RELATED TO URANIUM-TO-RUSSIA DEAL APPEAR TO MEET LEGAL DEFINITION OF BRIBERY

  4.   TRUMP TAX CUTS PROJECTED TO INCREASE REVENUES, CONTRARY TO EARLY CBO MODEL PROJECTION

  3.  MULTIPLE WOMEN THWARTED VIOLENT ATTACKS WITH PERSONAL FIREARMS TODAY

 2.  ALLEGATIONS PERSIST THAT TAXPAYERS UNDERWROTE PELOSI’S FACELIFTS, SCHUMER’S HAIR PLUGS

…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE YOU WON’T GET from MAINSTREAM NEWS ORGANIZATIONS THIS WEEK is:

  1.  TRUMP PRAISED FOR SENSITIVITY AND RESTRAINT IN REFUSING TO COMMENT ON CONGRESSWOMAN’S CHOICE OF HATS

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 10.   Get Governor Spitzer on the phone, right away.

   9.   Wow, there really is an actual casting couch?

   8.  Once Hillary gets elected, I am home free.    (She’ll tolerate anything !)

    7.   You sure own a lot of bathrobes, mister.

     6.    Sure, send Rahm 50 grand for his re-election.

    5,    I was voted “most likely to become a stalker.”​  And that was in grade school.​

    4.   So you’re telling me that I am creepy, but Bill Clinton is still Mr. Wonderful?

    3.  You just don’t have my charming ways.

​    2.   No, not SCHOOL choice, dummy….    abortion choice!    We’re all feminists here, aren’t we ?

… and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD IN RECENT YEARS at the WEINSTEIN COMPANY OFFICES is:

​   1.     You won’t even consider a movie about a sleazy, creepy, grizzled liberal movie producer who uses his power to coerce young women?

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10.    Watch me stick it to those evil Carriage Horses!

  9.    All Confederate statues in NYC have been removed!

   8.   Special this month for “the rich”: Move to NYC, pay only 16% NY income tax rates.

   7.   In 2nd term, I will morph into gender-ambiguous “Billie.”

   6.    New LED announcements in subways:  “M Train to Metropolitan Avenue,  11 minutes,” and “Next Shake Down on this Platform in 7 minutes”

   5.    New City “Lost & Found” Office for vehicles disappearing in pot holes

    4.   Vote Bill — Get Premium Bed in Shelter

    3.     Support DeBlasio :  87% approval rating in Havana !

    2.    Christopher Columbus statues to be re-chiseled into Che Guevara and Daniel Ortega monuments

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW “HOME STRETCH” SLOGAN for the “RE-ELECT MAYOR DeBLASIO” CAMPAIGN is:

    1.    Sanctuary for all !!    — except you pesky “wealthy” taxpayers!!

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten” list, please log on to  www.gipperten.com  .    Then, complete the “subscribe”boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens’ from 2016 and 2017 by scrolling back.   Enjoy !

10.   Visit the North Korean National Zoo before all residents are eaten.

 9.    Tourist chances for torture now under 20%.

  8.   Dunk basketball, meet Supreme Leader.

  7.  Stay 3 nights, get one free at Korea Bay “Sandals.”

  6.  Smoking is to be encouraged.

   5.  Fly to Pyong Yang, earn free stopover in Guam.

  4.   Honeymoon in a romantic missile silo! 

  3.   ​Our​ new “Surf & Turf” —   Dog meat and Fish heads.

  2.       ​The Yalu River Extreme Weight Loss Spa Week.

​                                     Voted #1 on the peninsula.​  Mention this ad, receive extra gruel.

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW SLOGAN to PROMOTE “NORTH KOREA TOURISM” is :

  1.   Lots more toilet paper than Venezuela!

To subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” for free, please visit   www.gipperten.com  .     Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017.    Enjoy !

10.  Visit the North Korean National Zoo before all residents are eaten.

  9.   Tourist chances for torture now under 20%.

  8.  Dunk basketball, meet Supreme Leader.

   7.  Stay 3 nights, get one free at Korea Bay “Sandals.”

   6.   Smoking is to be encouraged.

   5.    Fly to Pyong Yang, earn free stopover in Guam.

   4.  Honeymoon in a romantic missile silo!  (25% discount if “launch alarm” is heard.)

    3.  ​Our​ new “Surf & Turf” —   Dog meat and Fish heads.

   2.    ​The Yalu River Extreme Weight Loss Spa Week.    ​ Voted #1 on the peninsula.​  Mention this ad, receive extra gruel.

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW SLOGAN to PROMOTE “NORTH KOREA TOURISM” is:

    1.    Lots more toilet paper than Venezuela!

To subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .      Complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens’ from 2016 and 2017.   Enjoy !

 10.  Now we will tell for sure if zombies are real.

    9.  I’m sure that nice lady in the sequined miniskirt can make change for you.

​     8.  Yoo hoo, Mayor!  We’re from the Hell’s Angels Welcome Wagon!

     7.   That’s right, no speed limits at all until 6AM.

    6.   I had no idea that clothing was already optional on certain streets.

    5.  140 decibels is so much more striking at 3AM.

   4.   Just before dawn, you can dance for free with Rosie O’Donnell​

   3.    At 11PM, third car on every subway train becomes a “club car.”

   2.   Thanks — an “Official Office of Nightlife Coupon Book?”   But why is this massage so expensive?

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD at MAYOR DeBLASIO’S “NYC OFFICE of  NIGHTLIFE” is:

   1.    Anthony Weiner is pre-occupied, and Bill Clinton is so yesterday.   Wouldn’t Elliot Spitzer be the perfect choice to run this office?

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,”  please visit  www.gipperten.com.    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.  While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017.   Enjoy !

10.   Oakland Bay Bridge to be re-named “Speaker Nancy Pelosi Bridge to Somewhere.”

 9.    Free anonymous rooms for Bill Clinton at any Trump hotel property

  8.   Prior to Obamacare repeal, President will personally OK new hairplugs for Biden and Schumer

  7.   Top marginal income tax rate back up to 90%, but New York and California wines to become tax deductible

   6.  Pell Grants to include supplements (pot stamps!) for cannabis purchases (ONLY where legal, of course.)

   5.   Federal PBS funding for “Charlie Rangel: A Life” twelve-part documentary

   4.   In the event of regime change, Chuck, Nancy & spouses fly on Air Force One to the first “Hedonist” resort in North Korea

  3.    If budget deal is delivered, President will wear “Vladimir Putin” t-shirt at Mar-a-Lago.   If not, Chuck Schumer wears complete Commandante Maduro military    uniform on the Senate floor.

  2.    Nancy gets to borrow Melania’s designer sweat clothing for one month

and the NUMBER ONE SECRET DEMAND from CHUCK and NANCY DURING BUDGET TALKS with the PRESIDENT is:

   1.    Full pardon for Hillary Clinton

To subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” for free, please log on to  www.gipperten.com .    Complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While you are on the site, you can scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens’ from 2016 and 2017.  Enjoy !

(Our thanks to “Imprimus,” the publication of Young America’s Foundation,  for identifying those absurd actual courses offered to students at major American universities, which were re-published in last week’s “American Top Ten list.”)

10. The metal detectors at the Sears Tower work just fine.

9. Gun shops might crowd out the latte and potpourri stores.

8. Chicago murder rate did not increase 50%, but rather only 40%.

7.  As soon as Obama moves back here, streets will be safer.

6.   Rahm hopes to attract more on-site filming of crime documentaries.

5.  The mere sight of ammunition may require new “safe spaces” for traumatized liberals on Lake Shore Drive

   4.    Supposed a Chicagoan is being robbed, but she pulls out a gun?

3.   Eventually, nearly all fatal home invasions are investigated.

2. You’re talking like John Dillinger is back in town.

 ...and the NUMBER ONE REASON MAYOR RAHM EMANUEL WON’T RELAX GUN OWNERSHIP LAWS in CHICAGO is:

1.  An armed populace might overthrow my regime!

To subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” for free, please log on to  www.gipperten.com  .     Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.   While on the site, you can scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017.   Enjoy!

 (Can you guess which of these college “courses” will actually be offered on campuses this fall?)

10.   The Antifa Reader:   Can weapons and masks save us from Fascism in America?

  9.     Ecofeminism 

  8.     Saul Alinsky:   Saint or Mere Mortal?

   7.   FDR and the White Privilege of Hyde Park

  6.    Queering God:  Feminist and Queer Theology 

  5.    Safe Spaces around the World

  4.   The Complete Writings of Jerry Rubin and Abbie Hoffman

  3.   Transgender Cultural Production 

  2.   No Migrant is Illegal:  Poetry Slam (weekly seminar) from Europe and the US

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW COURSE OFFERING at an ELITE COLLEGE this MONTH is:

  1.   Econ 101:  Inequality and the Superfluousness of Property

                             (Students: do not park your European sports cars in the faculty lot)

The actual college courses from this week’s Top Ten list:

#3 is an actual course at Yale University.   It’s an “introduction to Trans-Studies,” they say.

#6 is being imposed on the innocent students of Swarthmore College this autumn.

#9 is a real course at the University of South Carolina.    Apparently, there is a “connection between oppression of women and oppression of nature.”

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,”  please log on to  www.gipperten.com  .     Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.  While visiting the website, you can scroll back to catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016 and 2017.   Enjoy!