Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  HILLARY CLINTON E-MAILS REVEAL AS MANY AS 40 LIKELY FELONIES COMMITTED BY FORMER SECRETARY

 9.  PLOT TO KIDNAP MICHIGAN GOVERNOR ​LED BY​ ANTI-TRUMP ZEALOTS

 8.  CHINA’S XI OPENLY EXPRESSES SUPPORT FOR DEMOCRATIC NOMINEES, WONT COMMENT ON INVOLVEMENT IN U.S. ELECTIONS

 7.  JUDGE BARRETT NOW EXPECTED TO LOSE SOME SENATE​ DEMOCRAT​ VOTES FOR BEING “TOO BORING”

 6. SPEAKER PELOSI UNABLE TO​ RECITE HOUSE RULES ​FOR​ REMOV​ING​ A SPEAKER WHO IS “UNABLE TO EXECUTE” HER ​DUTIES​

 5.  BIDEN WILL ANNOUNCE HIS POSITION ON NUDE ADS FEATURING HOLLYWOOD SUPPORTERS “AFTER THE ELECTION”

 4.  SENATOR HARRIS OVERHEARD BY REPORTER, RE-ASSURING MR. BIDEN “IT IS O.K. TO STAY IN THE BASEMENT” TODAY

 3.   SECRET PHOTOGRAPH FROM NORTH KOREA REVEALS “HILLARY’S REVENGE” LOGO ON NEW ICBM MISSILE 

 2.  RARE AGREEMENT BETWEEN CUOMO AND DeBLASIO: RELEASING VIOLENT CRIMINALS HAS NO IMPACT ON CRIME

…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE WE WON’T BE SEEING THIS WEEK is:

1.   PRESIDENT REJECTS “VIRTUAL” DEBATE, BUT REMAINS SILENT ON POTENTIAL CAGE MATCH

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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10. Responses from the incumbent will be delivered in writing, and read aloud by Morgan Freeman.

  9. After a candidate interrupts his opponent a second time, moderator may call for a mixed-martial arts cage match.

  8. Through the magic of television, any candidate invoking the term “white supremacist” will himself be fitted with a virtual white hood.

  7.  The challenger shall be afforded a stand-by teleprompter, in the event his earpiece fails.

  6.  There will be no references to “nap time” during any intermissions.

  5.  Since one debate moderator will be a Biden advocate and former intern, final debate will be hosted by Jared Kushner.

  4.  To appear more presidential, both candidates will be required to wear top hats.

  3.  Any candidate who works in a quote from James Madison or Alexander Hamilton will be awarded $50, presented by a descendent of  “You Bet Your Life” host Groucho Marx.

  2. Debaters must provide the costs to taxpayers for any new government spending they advocate.  Lie detectors will be readied.

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW RULE from the COMMISSION on PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES is:

  1.  Candidates will arrive in wrestling team Spandex — just in case.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.   “Say It.   Say it, NOW Joe… I am not a socialist!”   (Say it every 3 minutes, your turn or not…)

 9.  “We could have saved every life if you just did your job!”  Biden:  “What’s the job, again?”

 8.  “His name is CHRIS Wallace, not George Wallace.”

 7.  “My son Hunter isn’t the one running for mayor….   I mean president.”

 6.  “Joe, your zipper’s open!   Just kiddin’… gotta keep you loose, fella.”

 5.  Tell them: “You can keep your doctor!”

 4.  “We’ll get those monies by taxing the billionaire class, except for Bloomberg, Steyer, Soros and Bezos.”

 3.  “It’s great to be here in OHIO.   That’s OHIO, Joe.”

 2.    “Barack Obama was articulate and CLEAN, Joe…   not MEAN, sir.” 

…and the NUMBER ONE DEBATE TIP PIPED in to JOSEPH BIDEN’S HIDDEN EAR PIECE this TUESDAY is:

 1.  “And when I am president, every illegal will get free health care and we’ll ship planeloads of cash to the terrorists in Iran.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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Can you guess which six are actual college courses, and which four have been invented by your editor? Read on….

​10.​ “Gender in Gaming  “

​ 9.  ​“Eco/Queer/ Feminist Art Practices”

​ 8. ​  “Unsettling Whiteness”

​ 7.​  “Mike Pence and Joseph Goebbels:  The Eery Parallels”​ (Condensed Graduate Seminar)​

​ 6.​  “Kamala Harris:  a Joan of Arc for Our Times”

​ 5. ​ “Latinx Sexual Dissidence and Guerilla Translation”

​ 4.​ “Queering Childhood”

​ 3.  ​“Humanity or Nah?  Blackness, Gender, Resistance, and Memory in Monuments, Maps and Archives”

​ 2.  ​”Homophobia and Capitalism:  The Road to Exploitation and Genocide”

…and the NUMBER ONE “MOST WOKE” COURSE BEING OFFERED at UNIVERSITIES this SEMESTER is:

 1.  “A Survey of NAMBLA and its Iconoclastic Roots Over the Millenia”​

The real courses are: # 10, 9, 8, 5, 4 and 3 are ACTUAL COURSES. The fake courses are # 7,6, 2 and 1. Here are the references to the actual courses:

10. University of Illinois (ENGL 277)

9. University of Michigan (WOMENSTD 434)

8. Northwestern University (AFAMST 339)

5. Davidson College (LAS 394)

4. Pomona College (GWS 142)

3. Brown University (GNSS 1061)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. Mr. Trump, if re-elected, how rapidly will you move this nation toward pure fascism?

 9. Mr. Biden, what powers of persuasion did you deploy to turn Senator Harris into such a starry-eyed enthusiast of yours?

 8. Mr. President, would a million COVID deaths be acceptable to you? 

7. Joe, based on the experience he’s gained in Ukraine and China, do you agree that Hunter has the “creds” to be our Secretary of State? 

6. Sir, haven’t your comments from the White House podium stoked the righteous passions of all those peaceful protesters? 

5. Mr. Vice President, why is it so important for you to condemn Antifa or BLM rioters?   Nobody’s ever asked you to denounce Hitler or Charles Manson, have they? 

4.  Mr. Trump, why is your opponent wrong for merely opposing racism and demanding safety for all Americans? 

3. The policy of the Democratic platform and elected leaders across the nation is to allow abortion right up to the moment of birth.  Joe, you’re a good Catholic, aren’t you? 

2. Mr. President, your mother emigrated from Scotland.    How can you hate immigrants? 

…and the NUMBER ONE QUESTION THAT CAN DEMONSTRATE “MODERATOR FAIRNESS” in the UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES is…

1.  Joe…   Joe…  (Hey, will someone wake this guy up??)   I’m only trying to ask you a leading, softball question.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. Joe, if I may be so bold, many observers believe that Mr. Trump won’t leave the White House voluntarily.   What are your thoughts?

9. Mr. Vice President, your hair plugs seem well-tuned up for this election campaign.   Would you agree that such a vital medical procedure should be covered by Medicare?

8.  Boxers or briefs?   Please don’t let our minds run wild.

7. Once you are elected, what should we call your Delaware mansion’s basement?   The Eastern White House?  The Subterranean Shrine of the Oracle?

6. Isn’t it true that you did take that cognitive ability test, and now you are officially “Mensa-light?”

  5. Sir, when you and Senator Harris gaze into each other’s eyes, do you attain a sense of mind-melding?

4. Could you repeat that for the camera, Joseph?  You really are against rioting, killing and even looting, correct?

3. Was it your strong Catholic faith that enabled you to forgive Kamala for her campaign attacks ?

2. For which country would Hunter be the ideal ambassador: China or Ukraine?

…and the NUMBER ONE HARD-HITTING QUESTION JOSEPH BIDEN MAY be ASKED THIS WEEK by REPORTERS is:

1. Is there any world issue for which you don’t have a detailed plan, sir?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. CUOMO CLAIMS THE “REPUBLICAN” CDC URGED COVID-19 PATIENTS INTO NURSING HOMES.   THEN ADDS, “SCIENCE SHOULD BE NON-POLITICAL.”

 9. ​STANDING BEFORE A CITY ABLAZE, ​CNN ANCHOR ​REFER​S TO ​“​PEACEFUL PROTESTS​” ​IN KENOSHA​.​

 8. BIDEN WON’T CONFIRM OR DENY THAT CHINESE INTERESTS HELPED HIM TO PURCHASE LARGEST MANSION IN DELAWARE.​

FORMER VICE PRESIDENT THEN TRIUMPHANTLY RETURNS TO BASEMENT.

 7.   GOVERNOR OF OREGON SEES NO REASON WHY “ARSON SHOULD BE A CRIME.”

 6.  BIDEN SAYS HE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO ​THE ​REBATES.    “DR.” JILL WHISPERS, ​“​THOSE ARE DEBATES, HONEY.​“

 5.  “KILLER CUOMO” ​ RECOILS AT NEW NICKNAME, BUT INSISTS ​“​ANY AND ALL​“​ INFECTED PERSONS SHOULD BE RE-DIRECTED TO NURSING HOMES

 4.  BIDEN REPEATS ATTACK THAT BANNING FLIGHTS FROM EUROPE AND CHINA WAS “XENOPHOBIC.”   AIDES THEN PRONOUNCE AND DEFINE THE WORD FOR HIM.

 3.  SENATOR HARRIS ATTACKS TRUMP FOR ‘180,000’ DEATHS.   POINTS TO GOV. CUOMO’S ‘GREAT JOB’ WITH NURSING HOMES.

  2. AS THOUSANDS FLEE HIS CITY, MAYOR DeBLASIO SAYS ​”​WE NEED TO REDISTRIBUTE THE WEALTH OF THOSE TRAPPED IN MY CLUTCHES.”

…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE YOU MAY HAS MISSED DURING the LAST TWO WEEKS of CONVENTION COVERAGE is…

 1.  PRESIDENT PROMISES RETURN TO BOOMING FREE ECONOMY AS MEDIA, DEMOCRATS DENOUNCE “DARK, DYSTOPIAN” VISION.

(Editor’s Note: On August 24th, the 10AM “edition” of the TOP TEN actually featured the August 17th TOP TEN list. The 12 Noon version offered the correct August 24th version. If you are unsure if you received both the August 17th and 24th TOP TEN list, simply scroll below…)

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“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Police who are defunded will also be subject to a 50% marginal income tax rate.

 9. The US-Mexico Border Wall shall feature swinging doors, moving walkways and welcome centers with Michelin-starred chefs.

  8.  Cities that experience 20% increases in murders will be eligible to tap a $5 billion Federal pool to hire social workers.

 7. Milwaukee, the host city of the Democrat convention, will be returned to the Chippewa Nation.

 6. Public and private higher education will be billed to the taxpayers, except at faith-affiliated institutions.

 5. Women who have never undergone an abortion will be “referred” to culturally-appropriate Federal re-education camps.

 4. A massive new program within the U.S. Export-Import Bank will be be known as  “Hunter Biden Capital.”

 3.  Failure to refer to Mrs. Joseph Biden as “Dr. Biden” will trigger an automatic 120 hours of community service.

 2.  The “public option” Indian Health Service is an “unmitigated disaster.”    Therefore, Democrats demand a public option for the entire country.

…and the NUMBER ONE LITTLE KNOWN PLANK in the 2020 DEMOCRAT NATIONAL PLATFORM is:

1.  Having already experienced the trauma of expiration, the deceased should not be “suppressed” from voting by this Administration.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. “ANTIFA: Good….. Little Sisters of the Poor: Bad.”    –Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler (D)

 9.  “The CHOICE Roundtable (that’s for Abortionists, not for school children)    — AFT Chair Randi Weingarten

 8. “JFK:  White Supremacist.”   – Cong. Ilhan Omar  (D-Minn).

 7.  “Police Don’t Deserve Qualified Immunity….   but I sure do.”   – Sen. Kamala Harris accepts VP nomination 

 6.  “No, you can’t keep your doctor.  Get over it!”  – remarks by Cong. Ra​shida​ Tlaib (D-MI)

 5.  “No Experience Necessary” (How to Profit from a Biden White House) – genius entrepreneur Hunter Biden

 4. “Make ​everyone else​ pay their fair share in taxes.”    –   ​Q & A with​ legendary tax cheat Rev. Al Sharpton

 3. “How Crystals Could Revitalize Joseph Biden’s Mental Capacity”   – with Marianne Williamson

 2.  “Imagine There’s No Israel” (Take the Democratic Socialists “pledge”)  – Cong. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) (& Video Hook Up with Mahmoud Abbas in the Palestinian Territory).

…and the NUMBER ONE SESSION NOT-to-MISS at this WEEK’S DEMOCRAT NATIONAL CONVENTION is…

1. “Where the Hell am I, man?”   –  Joseph Biden’s speech accepting the presidential nomination

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. “When Joe checked out these biceps, he cried ‘uncle.'”                                                 -Michelle Obama

 9.  ” No, Joe.   I am your running mate, not the Avon person.”                                                -US Senator Kirsten Gillibrand

 8.  “Joe picked me because of a scurrilous video.”                                              – Susan Rice, former National Security Advisor

 7. “When I am your vice president, absolutely no one, in any of our 50 states….        … will be able to buy house paint.”                                            -Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer

 6. “We will not stand by and let those Republicans suppress the votes of the departed.” –Former GA State Legislator Stacey Abrams

 5. “To pay for free health care for illegals, here’s my zippy new wealth tax.”                                           -US Senator Elizabeth Warren

 4. “I just can’t wait to be your Vice Commandante.” -Congresswoman Karen Bass

 3. “As vice president, Joe will let me oversee the critical ‘more free stuff’ give-aways we are planning.”                                             -US Senator Tammy Duckworth

 2. “I am prepared to be your president if the need arises.   In the meantime, I will be the very best caregiver.”  – US Senator Kamala Harris

…and the NUMBER ONE PRE-WRITTEN LINE for THOSE EXPECTING a VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION is:

 1. “He may not realize that I’m his running mate, but give me a few days.”                                             -Generic comment approved for multiple candidates

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .