Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. ​ Wheels Down,​ Palms Up in Ukraine

 9.   Self Portrait of the Artist on Cell Phone with “Big Guy”

 8.  Marijuana Plants at First Light

 7.  Prodigal Son on Air Force 2 with Mr. Jim Beam

 6.  A Last Supper (in Beijing)

 5.  Nudes in Motion, Rock Creek Park

 4.  Bimbo in Plain Sight at White House State Dinner

 3.  Cocaine Residue and White Castle Boxes at 5:00 AM

 2.  Coquette-ish Waitress at Burisma Reception

…and the NUMBER ONE ORIGINAL PAINTING by HUNTER BIDEN, NOW AVAILABLE for YOUR PURCHASE is:

 1. Hookers Reclining at the Motel 6 in Wilmington

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.  Audible ping alert whenever Hunter Biden is paid more than $200,000 by foreigners for access to his father

 9.  Live satellite or drone-camera feed when Nancy Pelosi appears in public without mask

 8.  Pre-installed app featuring high-decibel air horn when a member of the Congressional “Squad” wanders within 100 yards of the phone

 7.  As I-phone powers-up, hologram of Tucker Carlson welcomes you

 6.  “Waze” -prompted directions to all college “Safe Spaces” within 1/4 mile of I-phone

 5.   High-decibel alarm triggered as Congressman Eric Swallwell initiates verbal conversation with Chinese espionage agents (females only)

 4.   Phone delivers electric shock to owner when Bill DeBlasio, Don Lemon or any Cuomo uses the word “equity”

 3.    “Siri” voice-generated command admonishes I-phone user if Jill Biden’s “Dr.” title is not used properly

 2.    Special “sweep” feature on face of I-phone enables you to leave voicemail for Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Majorkas whenever he claims “The border is closed.”

…and the NUMBER ONE FEATURE WE’D LIKE to SEE on the NEW I-PHONE 19, EXPECTED in 2022, is:

 1. Text message will be sent to you whenever the Wuhan Institute of Virology cashes a US Treasury check issued to them by the CDC

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10. Pre-order your full-body Burka OR black Turban from our duty-free shop.

 9. Book your stay at the Kabul Ritz-Carlton, receive complimentary camel-limo service to your thatched hut.

 8.  Newest landmark:    Bagram Air Base renamed “Joseph R. Biden Jr. International Airport and Detention Center.”

 7.  Attend Catholic Mass in Kandahar.    Become martyr the same day.

 6.  Bring the kids to “Jihad-World” theme park.   Torture scenes will only be simulated, at least until closing time.

 5.  See President Biden’s national mask mandate policy in action.    Over here, that means women only.

 4.  Got a spare year or three?   See just how “cleansing” our re-education camps can be.

 3.  Buy one-way commercial flight ticket; the U.S. State Department will fly you back for free.

 2.  For excitement lovers:   Remember that Afghanistan is the “Gateway to Turkmenistan.”

…and the NUMBER ONE “TALIBAN TOURIST TIP” for VISITORS to AFGHANISTAN is…

 1.  Visit the wild nightclubs of the Afghani capital; your first goat is free.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  “Wow, Kamala really placed flowers at the memorial to honor the Communist soldiers who shot down John McCain?”   -North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un

 9.  “Joe, these 22,000 American Humvees are great in mountainous terrain…    but how do you open the gas caps?”    —  Taliban Interior Minister Haibatullah Akhundzada   (yes, he’s on the FBI Terror Watch List)

 8.  “No, Angela, I didn’t hear from him before the surrender, either….”    — U. K. PM Boris Johnson

 7.   “Can I catch a free ride to Dulles, boys?”    — Supreme Leader Ali Khamenai of Iran, in disguise without his turban, at Kabul International Airport

 6..  “Don’t vurry, Joseph.    You can buy Russian Gasprom gas from us if your Green New Deal gets passed. ”   – Prime Minister Mette Fredriksen of Denmark

 5.   “I am seeking asylum here in Del Rio, at least until we solve the toilet paper challenge.”   – Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro

 4.  “How long do we really have to carry Hunter on the payroll?  – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky

 3.   “I thought WE had deficits.  But at least we don’t have Pelosi.”   –  Prime Minister of Greece Kyriakos Mitsotakis

 2.  “So New York state is offering $15,000 to migrants, no questions asked.   Time for a road trip?”   –  Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau

…and the NUMBER ONE PRIVATE COMMENT from a WORLD LEADER, OVERHEAR this WEEK is:

 1.  ” But if you come to the next summit with me, ma Cheri, this guy might start sniffing your hair…”    — French President Emmanuel Macron, speaking with wife Brigitte.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  Pearl Harbor:    The ​Japanese “probe”​ was over with by afternoon, and limited to just one island.

 9.  The Alamo:    ​An e​xciting ​example of ​cultural “intersection​ality,​”  resulting in Tex-Mex cuisine.

 8.  Stalingrad:   A waste that so many expired prior to officially declaring their new genders.

 7.  1979 Iranian Hostage crisis:   “That Embassy was not energy efficient, and deserved a Green make-over anyway.”

 6.  Explosion of the USS Maine in Havana harbor in 1898:   “See, we told you about fossil fuel power.”

 5.   1929 Stock Market crash and depression:   “A real victory against income inequality.”

 4.   Mount St. Helens Volcanic Explosion:    “We can learn from this experience and utilize similar strategies for urban renewal.”

 3.   The Signing of the Declaration of Independence:  “The signatures and votes of Tories were clearly suppressed in this Jim Crow operation.”

 2.    Adam and Eve banned from the Garden of Eden:  “Free fruit?  Over here we’ve got free housing, free medical care, free college and high paying jobs in corporations and universities.”

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY the BIDEN WHITE HOUSE MIGHT HAVE EXPLAINED CERTAIN “INCIDENTS” in HISTORY is:

 1.   2021:  “The border with Mexico is now closed.“

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  $850 million for the printing of 150 million mail-in ballots for all “residents” of Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, Wisconsin, Michigan, Nevada and New Hampshire.

 9.  $3.2 billion in “therapeutic counseling” for those (anticipating 2022) experiencing anxiety and panic in blue states and cities.

 8.  $7.8 billion in private jet rentals for Climate Czar John Kerry and EPA officials traveling to necessary conferences to combat climate change.

 7.  $80,000 for purchases of Red Bull and No-Doz for the White House.

 6.  $745 billion for replacement of all bridges on the Mississippi River.     New structures will accommodate pedestrians, electric cars and bicycles.

 5.   Voice-vote rider:     Henceforth, all transgender recruits in the Armed Services will enter with the rank of “major.”

 4.  To “help America vote,” $567 billion for state-of-the-art Chinese vote-tabulating software.

 3. $7.2 billion for Federal electric vehicle charging stations in Guam and U.S. Samoa.

 2.   $4.1 billion to create a government cable/ satellite TV channel devoted to 24/7 “white fragility” training.

…and the NUMBER ONE LESSER-KNOWN PROVISION in Ms. PELOSI’S MEGA $3.5 TRILLION “INFRASTRUCTURE” BILL is:

 1.   $1.1 trillion so each American can select among free rent, free college or free day care.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  “When Kamala’s cackling, she’s cackling for YOU.”

 9. “Biden, Pelosi, Schumer:   Fresh New Ideas for the Digital Economy”

 8. “Finally, a World at Peace.”

 7.  “There’s More to Congressman Eric Swallwell than Just Ms. Fang-Fang.”

 6.  “What Hostages?”

 5. “DeBlasio for Governor.  Proven Results in De-funding Cops.”

 4.  “Vote and Check for Your Direct Deposit.”

 3. “This Era of ‘Low’ Taxes is Over, Man.”

 2. “Don’t Recall Governor Gavin Newsom:  Keep California Moving.”

…and the TOP TRIAL TV AD SLOGAN for the 2022 DEMOCRATS is:

1.   “Make America Like Portland.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.   Check with Mom to see if pull-out sofa is free tomorrow night

 9.   See if I can finagle a no-show, 6-figure job at the Port Authority.   Who would notice?

 8.  Procure phone number of that other cute State Trooper

 7.   Buy lots of acreage ​along the Pennsylvania border​, then, at midnight: lift my ban on fracking.

 6.  Figure out schedule with brother Chris about standing guard at ​my​​ green “Mario M. Cuomo Bridge”​ highway signs.​

 5.   Change my Match.com moniker to “StillYoLuvGov.”

 4.   Do Kathy Hochul some solids: Remove Hugh Hefner’s water bed from mansion, then suspend state income tax collections

 3.   Requisition the state airplane once last time, then ​drop​ water balloons ​on Mayor DeBlasio’s Gracie Mansion.

 2.  Draft ​yet more​ “volunteers” from state government to write my new book:   “​ Groping and Official Business: Pitfalls and Opportunities “

…and the NUMBER ONE ANDREW CUOMO “TO DO” LIST ITEM for AUGUST 23rd is…

1.  Get those official “New York Governor” golf shirts back from mansion laundry​. Then, post on E-Bay.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Get “objective” CNN anchor to conduct a “hard hitting” interview with him

 9.  When appearing with females at public events, wear catchers’ mitts on both hands

 8.  Reveal plan to abolish NY state income tax by 2024   (How did this crazy idea slip in here?)

 7.  During marshal arts cage match, get Mayor DeBlasio to cry “uncle” during headlock

 6.  Offer Assembly Speaker Carl Heastie 24/7 use of the Governor’s state airplane

 5.  Point out that if impeached & convicted, he would instantly become homeless and remain on the state payroll

 4.  Claim that he’s turned over a new leaf, then appear in a male burka

 3.  Get taxpayer-funded Governor’s staff to begin ghostwriting his next book:    You Too Can Become an Irresistable Albany Bachelor

 2.  Quickly produce supportive TV ads from Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Gov. Ralph Northam

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY THAT Governor ANDREW CUOMO MIGHT REMAIN in OFFICE is:

1.  Come out as a female in transition.  “Andrea” would make sense.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “This economy sure is robust, ain’t it?”

 9. “As a matter of fact, that latte IS worth $11.”

 8. “What’s a little temporary blip among millions?”

 7. “This administration does not believe in wage or price controls”

 6. “Gas prices?  Why aren’t you driving electric?”

 5.  “Let’s talk about that possible national mask mandate.”

 4.  “Prices are certainly healthy.”

 3.  “That’s just another dog whistle from supremacists.”

 2.  “Even as we speak, we’re searching the White House for some old “WIN”  (Whip Inflation Now) buttons from the 1970s.”

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY the WHITE HOUSE AVOIDS SAYING “INFLATION” is…

1. “If a mojito costs $19 at the Hay-Adams, switch to a Bud at the 7-11.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .