Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.   “MICRO-AGGRESSIONS DURING THE THIRD ICE AGE”

 9.    “CLIMATE CHANGE and  OCEANFRONT PROPERTIES OF THE OPPRESSED”

 8.    “FREE SPEECH AS AN INSTRUMENT OF MISOGNY”

 7.    “RETHINKING THE SOVIET MINDSET”

 6.    “PACIFIST STRATEGIES IN 1940s GERMANY, JAPAN and ITALY”

 5.    “THE BILL OF RIGHTS:   CHECKLIST for PRIVILEGE”

4.    “THE NEW CHALLENGE OF SEGREGATION: LAVATORIES, LOCKER ROOMS and the LEGACY of WESTERN GENDER IMPERIALISM”

3.    “SAFE SPACES THROUGH THE MILLENIA”

 2.    “THE SUSTAINABLE, EGALITARIAN ECONOMY” 

                                                      (e.g., Devil’s Island)

 …and the NUMBER ONE COURSE OFFERED TO IVY LEAGUE UNDERGRADUATES this FALL is:

 1.    “PROGRESSIVE CENTRAL PLANNING:  ALL THAT MATTERS is the DREAM”

Please visit  www.gipperten.com  to subscribe to “Your American Top Ten list” for free.   On the home page, simply fill out the “subscribe” boxes and submit.   You will receive one e-mail per week.   You can also catch up on previous “Top Tens” on the website.   Enjoy !

10.   Drink lots of high test coffee prior to debate.

9.    Make a big deal out of a perfectly legal tax deduction by your opponent’s running mate.

8.    Perfect that “What, me worry?” grin.

7.    The louder you are when interrupting, the more respect you will command.

6.    Navy Seals risked their lives to land in a Pakistani compound and hunt down Osama bin-Laden…

          But give all credit to a politician watching on TV in Washington.

5.    Decide prior to debate if you want to present a rabid image, or just a barkingly aggressive one.

4.    Downplay your running mate’s criminality.  

           (E-mails?   To whom?    Donations to which foundation, again, sir ?)

3.    Pretend not to hear these words:  “Benghazi,”  “pay-to-play,”  “server bleaching.”       

2.    Always refer to your partner / running mate by her first name only.

        Exemptions encouraged for Madonna, Beyonce and Cher, where applicable.

…and the NUMBER ONE TIM KAINE DEBATING POINTER is:

1.    Never stop talking, no matter what.

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .    Complete the “subscribe” boxes and receive one e-mail per week.

You can also catch up on previous Top Tens on the site.   Thank you and enjoy!

10.   At local gas station, attendant tells  you:  “Dollars?”   We don’t take no stinkin’ dollars!!”

9.    Your drive-through ATM line clogged with burros, camels and Yugo convertibles.

8.    City Council of nearby Springfield votes 5-2 to change name to “East Murmansk.”

7.    Blue plate special at historic diner now involves animal-burning ritual on formica table tops.

6.    Your long-time neighbor owns a simple ranch house, but is now digging a moat for security.

5.    At local high school, English now a “foreign language” option.

4.    On Superbowl Sunday in your TV market, the big football game is second in ratings to “Cooking in Caves.”

3.    Nearby college track & field team replaces “pole vaulting” with “fence and wall jumping.”

2.     Daily newspaper cancels “Letters to the Editor” feature in favor of “Supplications to our Supreme Leader.”

…and the Number ONE Sign your Neighborhood COULD be Experiencing Excessive Illegal Immigration is:

1.       Newly-elected mayor in a quandary as to which of his four wives will be featured in his swearing-in ceremony.

Please visit www.gipperten.com to subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list.’    You can also catch up on previous Top Ten lists on the website.

On the home page, see “subscribe” to newsletter feature on right side.   Simply complete and submit, and you’ll receive your Top Ten list on Monday mornings.   Thank you and enjoy !!

10.   On the voting line ahead of you are “Brad” AND “Angelina.”

 9.    More votes cast at your polling pace than total population of your town. **

 8.    Your state prevents prisoner balloting, but 20 voters in a row are shackled to each other at the ankles.

 7.    New York Times insists there is no election fraud.  **

 6.    Man in gorilla suit gets his ballot immediately, but you are questioned and frisked prior to voting.

 5.    At the nudist colony, carloads of angry, fully-clothed people show up to vote.

  4.    The Saudi royal family, wearing white robes in a discreet stretch limo, arrive to cast their ballots in Staten Island.

 3.    Entire roster of the Dallas Cowboys is enrolled at your polling place. **

 2.    Absentee ballots are in the mail to former Gov. Rod Blagojevich and Richard M. Nixon.

…and the NUMBER ONE way to Tell IF Your Area MAY be Experiencing Election Fraud is:

 1.    No one asks for your photo I.D. **

( ** – These dubious actions have actually taken place in recent years.)

Please visit www.gipperten.com , where you can sign up for “Your Weekly American Top Ten List” for free.

On the home page, just complete the “subscribe to newsletter” boxes and submit.

Enjoy !

10.  Sir Edmund Hillary

 9.   Misogynist

 8.   Deplorable(s)

 7.   What difference does it make?

 6.  Honestly, to tell you the truth…

 5.   My achievements as your Secretary of State…

 4.   The little people…

 3.   All those jobs I created in upstate New York…

 2.   If you want to keep your doctor….

…and the NUMBER ONE REFERENCE HILLARY CLINTON SHOULD not UTTER DURING DEBATES is:

 1.   My loyal subjects!

Log on to www.gipperten.com to subscribe to the weekly “Top Ten list” for free.   Use the “subscribe to newsletter” feature on the home page.

You can also catch up on previous Top Tens on the site.

 10.   “WIKILEAKS REVEALS FOREIGN DONORS TO CANADIAN ENTITY LAUNDERING MONEY FOR CLINTON FOUNDATION”

   9.    “AS SENATOR REID PONDERS DEPARTURE FROM OFFICE, HE IS AT LOSS TO CITE ANY ACCOMPLISHMENTS”

    8.    “IN FIRST DEBATE, CLINTON FAILS TO DEFEND REVERSALS IN BENGHAZI, SYRIA AND IRAN”

     7.    “AS U.S. NATIONAL DEBT APPROACHES $20 TRILLION, NO CANDIDATE OR CONGRESSIONAL LEADER CAN EXPLAIN HOW ‘FREE’ PUBLIC COLLEGE TUITION AND EXPANSION OF OBAMACARE CAN BE FUNDED”

   6.      “FORMER PRESIDENT FOUND TO BE REGISTERED WITH AT LEAST SEVEN DATING WEBSITES”

    5.     “SENATOR KAINE, ROMAN CATHOLIC, ABANDONS CHURCH POSITION ON LIFE TO CONFORM WITH RUNNING MATE’S RIGID AGENDA”

     4.     “CLINTON DENIES CALLING FOR VIOLENT OVERTHROW OF U.S. GOVERNMENT IN HER 1969 WELLESLEY COLLEGE GRADUATION SPEECH”

      3.    “STUDIES CONFIRM PRIVATE FIREARMS POSSESSION LINKED TO REDUCTIONS IN CRIME”

       2.     “OBAMACARE FAILS TO FULFILL 93% OF PROMISES MADE BY PRESIDENT IN 2009”

     …and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE WE’LL NEVER SEE in the NEW YORK TIMES this AUTUMN is:

       1.     “MRS. CLINTON’S ENDURING SCANDALS HARMING FORTUNES OF DOWN-BALLOT DEMOCRAT CANDIDATES”

Please visit  www.gipperten.com   to subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list.”    On the homepage, complete the “subscribe to newsletter” boxes and submit.

You can also catch up on previous “Top Tens” there.   Thank you !

10.  Incoming students will no longer be called “freshmen,” an oppressive male-oriented term.   Instead, they will be called “Future Masters of the Universe.”

9.  Scratch that.  “Masters” is gender-specific, too, darn it.    How about “Mistresses of the Universe?”

8.  No, “mistresses” is out too.   How about a plain and simple:  “Future Nobel Laureates?”

7.   Masculine “Dean” of Students is now “Adult Peer” of entitled youth .

6.   “Prince” -ton is a holdover from male domination and perhaps even misogyny.  Let’s try “Royalton” University.

5.    “Manhole covers” on campus will henceforth become “Human Egress /  Entrance Lids”  (“HEELs”).

4.    Archaic and oppressive gender-specific “Male” and “Female” bathrooms must have new signage offering “Temporary Safe Space.”

             ( Lavatories must not be limited to humans.  How can we anthropromorphise the entire Galaxy?)

3.  “Upper Classmen” terminology must be ended at Princeton / Royalton.    Please see numbers 10, 9, 8 above.

2.   The break from classes beginning around each December 20th will henceforth be known as the “Winter Solstice Respite,” avoiding controversial references to a male Deity.

…and the NUMBER ONE ENTRY IN THE NEW, REQUIRED, PRINCETON UNIVERSITY LEXICON GUIDE is:

1.   Offerings to be removed from Princeton / Royalton’s food and adult beverage menus:   “Po’ Boy,” “Shirley Temple,” the Queen Elizabeth, Oysters Rockefeller, the Longfellow,  the Bloody Mary and Tom Collins for starters.

Please log on to  www.gipperten.com , where you can subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” for free.   Simply complete the “newsletter” boxes and submit.   You can also catch up on previous Top Tens on the website.

Enjoy and Happy Labor Day !

• 10. $400 MILLION in cash? Finally, Obama, Hillary and John Kerry made good on their Super Bowl bets with Supreme Leader Ali Khameni.
•  9.   Mel Gibson played a fine role in that movie.
•   8.   Did you say “transom?”
•    7.   John Kerry just wanted to “offshore” his 2015 IRS tax refund.
•    6.   I agree he is sort of “handsome.”
•     5.   400-mill will pay for a heckuva bachelor party at that swingin’ Ramsar resort on the Caspian Sea.   It might be Bani Sadr’s last wedding,        guys!
•    4.   One man’s “ransom” is another man’s Boeing purchase.

                                      “We can dream…. Iran favors Airbus.”

•    3.   For $400 million and A-Rod’s contract, we get that ace 49 year old soccer player from Hamalan, Mohammad Pahlevi.
•     2. Nowadays, $400 million isn’t even a decent-size Hillary pay-to-play scandal.

And the NUMBER ONE WAY to AVOID SAYING “$400 MILLION RANSOM” is:

1.        We not only got four Americans back, but 500 free designer turbans thrown in to the deal.

LOG ON TO www.gipperten.com , where you can subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” for free.   You can also catch up on previous Top Ten lists.

Just complete the boxs marked “Subscribe” on the homepage.    Enjoy !

10.    “All Sides Now” with Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth  Warren, Michael Moore, and from Caracas, Commandante Victor Maduro.

9.     The “All New Crossfire Debates,” featuring Bill Maher head-to-head vs. Chris Matthews

8.     Your ” Nightly News”  anchored by Al Sharpton.

7.     “NBA Preview” with Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman.

6.       Bill Clinton’s “Blue State Bachelor”

5.     “You Bet Your Life!” with the Castro brothers.  (Live from MSNBC Havana.   Network will cut away during actual firing squad  operations.)

4.     “Name that Felon”  (the best of Clinton home movies)

3.       The all-new “What’s My Line?” with Brian Williams.

2.       “The Price is Right,” co-hosted by John Kerry and Supreme Leader Ali Khameni.

… and the NUMBER ONE NEW PROGRAM in MSNBC’s FALL LINEUP is :

1.       “BONANZA!”   (Donor profiles and other tales from the Clinton Foundation Ponderosa…)

Please visit www.gipperten.com to subcribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten List” for free.    Just complete the “newsletter” boxes on the home page.   You can also catch up on previous Top Tens at Gipperten.com.

Thank you.