10. At local gas station, attendant tells you: “Dollars?” We don’t take no stinkin’ dollars!!”
9. Your drive-through ATM line clogged with burros, camels and Yugo convertibles.
8. City Council of nearby Springfield votes 5-2 to change name to “East Murmansk.”
7. Blue plate special at historic diner now involves animal-burning ritual on formica table tops.
6. Your long-time neighbor owns a simple ranch house, but is now digging a moat for security.
5. At local high school, English now a “foreign language” option.
4. On Superbowl Sunday in your TV market, the big football game is second in ratings to “Cooking in Caves.”
3. Nearby college track & field team replaces “pole vaulting” with “fence and wall jumping.”
2. Daily newspaper cancels “Letters to the Editor” feature in favor of “Supplications to our Supreme Leader.”
…and the Number ONE Sign your Neighborhood COULD be Experiencing Excessive Illegal Immigration is:
1. Newly-elected mayor in a quandary as to which of his four wives will be featured in his swearing-in ceremony.
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