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TOP TEN ENTRIES in the NEW, REQUIRED PRINCETON UNIVERSITY CAMPUS LEXICON GUIDE:

 

 

  1.  Incoming students will no longer be called “freshmen,” an oppressive male-oriented term.   Instead, they will be called “Future Masters of the Universe.”

 

  1.  Scratch that.  “Masters” is gender-specific, too, darn it.    How about “Mistresses of the Universe?”

 

  1.  No, “mistresses” is out too.   How about a plain and simple:  “Future Nobel Laureates?”

 

  1.   Masculine “Dean” of Students is now “Adult Peer” of entitled youth .

 

  1.   “Prince” -ton is a holdover from male domination and perhaps even misogyny.  Let’s try “Royalton” University.

 

  1.    “Manhole covers” on campus will henceforth become “Human Egress /  Entrance Lids”  (“HEELs”).

 

  1.    Archaic and oppressive gender-specific “Male” and “Female” bathrooms must have new signage offering “Temporary Safe Space.”

 

             ( Lavatories must not be limited to humans.  How can we anthropromorphise the entire Galaxy?)

 

  1.  “Upper Classmen” terminology must be ended at Princeton / Royalton.    Please see numbers 10, 9, 8 above.

 

  1.   The break from classes beginning around each December 20th will henceforth be known as the “Winter Solstice Respite,” avoiding controversial references to a male Deity.

 

…and the NUMBER ONE ENTRY IN THE NEW, REQUIRED, PRINCETON UNIVERSITY LEXICON GUIDE is:

 

  1.   Offerings to be removed from Princeton / Royalton’s food and adult beverage menus:   “Po’ Boy,” “Shirley Temple,” the Queen Elizabeth, Oysters Rockefeller, the Longfellow,  the Bloody Mary and Tom Collins for starters.

 

 

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Enjoy and Happy Labor Day !

 

 

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