Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.   Vladimir Putin — Win an old-fashioned election victory (running unopposed)

   9.   Cong. Sheila Jackson – Lee — resolve to only fly private jets from here on​

    8.   President Trump — 2018 on Twitter:  No more Mr. Nice Guy

   7.    Outgoing Gov. Chris Christie –​ issue himself​ lifetime NJ beach passes​ before leaving office​

   6.   Hillary Clinton — secure a pardon from Pres. Trump

   5.   Gov. Andrew Cuomo — ​master an Iowa accent

   4.   CNN’s Wolf Blitzer​, Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo:   ​resolve to make fake news seem more believable

   3.   Former President Obama —  f​inagle free​ golf passes at Mar-a-Lago 

   2.   Mayor Bill DeBlasio —  somehow, somewhere, find a tax he doesn’t like

..and the NUMBER ONE RESOLUTION for 2018 is: 

    1.  Kim Jong – un   —   discard nukes, get NBA franchise 

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YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST wishes all of our subscribers, co-conspirators and fellow travelers a HEALTHY, PROSPEROUS and BLESSED 2018…..

– On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

       –  A tax cut for you and for me.

– On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

         – Two Frankens leer- ing .

-On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

       –  ​a Three ​percent growth rate.

– On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

       –  Four Cuomos preaching.

– On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

       – Fi-i-i-ve  Gor – such – es.

– On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

        –  Six Harvey gropings

– On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

        –  Seven ​Feds a – bilking

– On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

         – Eight Biden shotguns.

– On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

          –    Nine fake newspapers.

–  On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

          –  Ten Clinton scandals.

–  On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

           –  Eleven ​ISIS captured.

–  On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

            – Twelve new job offers.

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please sign on to  www.gipperten.com .    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017.   Enjoy !

Blessings at Christmas to all “Top Ten” subscribers and their families.

 10.     Socks (any color but black) for former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer.

 9.  One day,  just one, of favorable news coverage for you-know-who.

 8.   Five knee-slapping jokes gift wrapped for Mitch McConnell.

 7.   An AR-15 rifle for Sen. Chuck Schumer.   Shooting lessons courtesy of Ted Cruz and Wayne LaPierre.

 6.   “Free” tuition for Nancy Pelosi to attend the next FEE seminar, “Capitalism for Dummies.”

 5.    Rosetta Stone Arabic lessons for Angela Merkel.

 4.   Red-and-green robes for top jurists through January 6th (approved by a 5-4 Supreme Court vote.)

 3.   No-females-allowed road trip across the USA for John Conyers & Roy Moore.

 2.   Trump Transition team e-mails for Bob Mueller   (sorry, the Federal GSA just gave him these!).

…and the NUMBER ONE CELEBRITY CHRISTMAS GIFT for 2017 is:

 1.   (In exchange for a no-nukes North Korea…)  An NBA franchise for Kim Jong-un (Pyong Yang Predators?)

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please log on to  www.gipperten.com .    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through 2016 and 2017 lists.   Enjoy !

10.    Extra-heavy duty oven mitts     –  for Al Franken

  9.    Mel Gibson dart board        – for Sandy Koufax

  8.    Southern Drawl  (and lots of other people’s money)     – for Bernie Sanders

  7.    J-date premium membership    – for Bill Clinton

  6.    VIP Invite to Roy Moore’s still-secret 2018 Bar Mitzvah        – for  Steve Bannon

  5.     Lower East Side Gift Basket, featuring pastramis, latkes, Kedem wines and other traditional fare         

                                                                     – for Rosie O’Donnell, Debbie Stabenow, Barbara Mikulski & Roseanne Barr

  4.   Mel Brooks Anthology DVD Set               – for Maxine Waters (winner, “most humorless” competition)

   3.    Collected Writings of Natan Sharansky, David Ben-Gurion and Andre Sakharov

                                                                                         -for Barack Obama, John Kerry & Josh Earnest

   2.    Another fund-raising lunch AND photo-op with Harvey Weinstein    – for Hillary Clinton

…and the NUMBER ONE MOST MEMORABLE HANUKKAH GIFT for 2017 is:

   1.    The United States Embassy in Jerusalem!!                    -for PM Benjamin Netanyahu

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please log on to  www.gipperten.com .    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017 by scrolling back.    Enjoy !!

10.   US Senators from Minnesota may only pose for photos with both hands clearly visible.

   9.   Bathrobes for men sold in Los Angeles County must have chastity belts sewn in.

  8.   All “door locking buttons” to be installed under office desks must include pop-up pepper spray feature for innocent visitors.

  7.   Dairy companies will voluntarily feature “Perv of the Day” photo on milk cartons.

  6.   Anyone declared an “icon” by Rep. Nancy Pelosi must be given 72-hour warning prior to arrest.

  5.   Secret payouts from Congressional slush fund to victims of harassment will be matched with checks issued by Kevin Spacey.

  4.   Adults “cruising” malls for companionship may not loiter near animated movie showings, nor “H & M” or “Forever Twenty One” stores…

  3.   PBS installs female host for new “Prairie Grope Companion” program.

  2.   Charlie Rose now restricted to all-male Turkish baths.

…and the NUMBER ONE SUGGESTION to REDUCE SEXUAL HARASSMENT by CELEBRITIES is:

  1.  On-line service will use GPS to track movements of Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby in real time.

To subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please visit  www.gipperten.com  .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.   While on the website, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back to through 2016 and 2017 submissions.    Enjoy!

10.   New write-off for private legal expenses incurred by U.S. Senators from Minnesota.

  9.   Chuck and Nancy re-classification: “Wealthy” is anyone working at least 20 hours per week.

  8.   IRS forms shall abandon outdated “Mr./ Ms./ Mrs.” salutations in favor of the 63 distinct genders now identified.

  7.   Death tax exemption for estates of families not subscribing to Fox News Channel.

  6.  Presidential pardon for illicit activities committed by elected officials from Michigan who are at least 87 years old.

  5.  “Charlie Rose Amendment” grants tax credit for office shower stalls re-equipped with solar hot water and prominent “panic” buttons.

  4.  Taxpayers henceforth defined by IRS as “Swamp Enablers.”

  3.  Low income housing credit now accessible to college graduates returning to parents’ basements.

   2. Remove tax-exempt status from any non-profits featuring “patriot,” tea party,”  “conservative” or “Stop DeBlasio” in organizational appellations.

(Wait… this sounds familiar….)

and the NUMBER ONE LATEST AMENDMENT PLANNED by SCHUMER and PELOSI for TAX REFORM LEGISLATION is:

  1.   $1 voluntary check-off for those wishing to donate to Lois Lerner Legal Defense Fund.

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.   While on the site, you can scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2017 and 2016.  Enjoy!

10.    That horrible “Atlas” in Rockefeller Center!   Another half-naked male running the world.

  9.     Furthermore, George Washington’s false teeth were made from illegal Honduran mahogany.

   8.   No, really.   Columbus is the one who first said, “Drop the gun, take the cannoli.”

   7.   Shakespeare’s plays never included a single transgender character.

    6.   No, no…  there’s no Stonewall Jackson statue in Harlem; that’s Michael Jackson.

    5.   No mention in Grant’s Tomb of his imperialistic cavalry on actual Mexican soil.

    4.   Sure, Augustus Roebling built the Brooklyn Bridge.    But how many women did he hire for construction?

     3.  OK, glad to know.   Bryant Park is not named for Anita Bryant.

     2.  Tell me again, which Indians did Leif Erickson exploit?

…. and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT HEARD at the “MAYORAL ADVISORY COMMISSION on CITY ART, MONUMENTS and MARKERS” is:

    1.   And what is the most “progressive” way to return the Statue of Liberty?

Subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten List” by logging on to  www.gipperten.com  .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, catch up on past “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017.    Enjoy !!

(NOTE:   This week, NYC Transit informed customers that it would no longer address riders as “Ladies and Gentlemen,” since that identification is too gender-confining. “Everyone” is the new preferred salutation.)

 10.   “Good morning, Earthlings.    And a warm New York City Transit welcome to visitors from elsewhere.”

 9.    “All riders of privilege should proceed to car #3, where they will be subject to re-education.”

  8.    “Smoking is to be discouraged.”     (An actual, official posted message at the United Nations)

  7.     “Buy a MetroCard, vote today.”

   6.    “Ride free if you are a victim.”

  5.    “Customers in the new clothing optional car should be standees only.”

  4.    “Rats on the tracks are property of NYC Transit.”

   3.  “There are now 6​3 distinct genders.  ​A big New York City howdy​ to​ y’all.”

  2.  ” Hunting is not permitted from a moving subway car.”

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW ANNOUNCEMENT on the NEW YORK SUBWAY SYSTEM is:

  1.    “Need to report a crime? Please avoid stereotyping a perpetrator with an embarrassing ‘male’ or ‘female’ identification.”

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please visit   www.gipperten.com  .    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.    While on the website, catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016 and 2017 by simply scrolling back.   Enjoy !

10.     From Leer to Eternity

  9.     The Silence of the Libs

  8.    Dirty Harvey

   7.   A Degenerate Grows in Brooklyn

   6.    Director Unchained

   5.    Horndog Millionaire

    4.   No Studio for Old Women

    3.   The Constant Philanderer

    2.   All Quiet on the Liberal Front

…and the NUMBER ONE MOVIE CONCEPT AT HARVEY WEINSTEIN’S “MIRAMAX” STUDIOS THIS MONTH is:

   1.   12 Years a Perv

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten” list, please log on to  www.gipperten.com .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.  While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back  through 2017 and 2016 entries.   Enjoy!

10. Hillary Clinton in full-length mink… dossier in hand.

9. (Less-is-more) Russian President Vladimir Putin rides shirtless on horseback (see #8).

8. Robert Mueller and Charles Schumer share that 2-man “horse suit” (with Vladimir logo).

7. Kim Jong-un wears Chicago Bulls road uniform… and platform sneakers.

6. Former President Obama in a white medical coat with stethoscope. (Repeating “You can keep your doctor” mantra.)

5. Extra-tall Dracula: Mayor Bill DeBlasio with custom fangs to suck taxpayers dry,

4. Harvey Weinstein rolls out his new “bathrobe-and-chastity-belt” wardrobe combo-creation.

3. This is too easy:   Nancy Pelosi dresses as that obvious character from the Wizard of Oz.

2. Bill Clinton as an ascetic Hare Krishna monk.

…and the Number One most scary Halloween costume this year is:

1. Colin Kaepernick as Captain America.

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,”  please visit  www.gipperten.com  .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through 2017 and 2016 entries.