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TOP TEN NEW ANNOUNCEMENTS on the NEW YORK SUBWAY SYSTEM:

 

(NOTE:   This week, NYC Transit informed customers that it would no longer address riders as “Ladies and Gentlemen,” since that identification is too gender-confining. “Everyone” is the new preferred salutation.)

 

 10.   “Good morning, Earthlings.    And a warm New York City Transit welcome to visitors from elsewhere.”

 

 9.    “All riders of privilege should proceed to car #3, where they will be subject to re-education.”

 

  8.    “Smoking is to be discouraged.”     (An actual, official posted message at the United Nations)

 

  7.     “Buy a MetroCard, vote today.”

 

   6.    “Ride free if you are a victim.”

 

  5.    “Customers in the new clothing optional car should be standees only.”

 

  4.    “Rats on the tracks are property of NYC Transit.”

 

   3.  “There are now 63 distinct genders.  A big New York City howdy toy’all.”

 

  2.  ” Hunting is not permitted from a moving subway car.”

 

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW ANNOUNCEMENT on the NEW YORK SUBWAY SYSTEM is:

 

  1.    “Need to report a crime? Please avoid stereotyping a perpetrator with an embarrassing ‘male’ or ‘female’ identification.”

 

 

 

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