Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  Unknown airborne craft in US Navy’s Norfolk air space merely waiting for takeout crabcake orders.

 9.   During his supposed nightly Amtrak commutes to Delaware while in the US Senate, Joseph Biden was actually transported by “progressives” from Neptune.

 8.   Producer Michael Moore wears large baseball hats in order to conceal a disturbing conehead.

 7.  Body of alien recovered from Roswell, N.M. in 1947 found to have counterfeit Food Stamps on his person.

 6. Slow moving flying craft near New York State Fair sponsored by “Re-elect Chuck Schumer” campaign.

5.   UFO crash reveals thousands of frozen vegetarian lasagna meals intended for JFK-LAX flights.

 4.  Intergalactic spokesmodel says his leader felt “obligated to shuttle Congresspersons Ocasio, Tlaib, Omar, Swallwell, Pressley, Nadler and Bowman back home” to the planet Remulac.

 3.  As a gesture of friendship, alien males make sure to wear Biden-style hair plugs.

 2.  Interplanetary visitors “de-saucer” and request “take me to your leader.”  They were whisked directly to Kamala.

…and the NUMBER ONE ADVANCE REVELATION from the GOVERNMENT’S COMING RELEASE of U.F.O. FILES is:

 1.   You were correct—   US Senator Mazie Hirono is not of this earth.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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8:30 – 9:15AM   – Phone call with Al Sharpton for scholarly briefing on Critical Race Theory

9:30 -10:15AM        – Snack and warm milk.   Recharge time.

10:30 – 11:00AM   –   Private Meeting with Hunter to check on Biden interests in Ukraine, Red China and Russia.

12 Noon – 2:00PM  –  Lunch with Teachers’ Union executives.   Bring trusty Hopalong Cassidy lunch box to NEA headquarters.

2:15 – 3:00 PM  – Briefing from Acting OMB Director Shalonda Young regarding plans for new “stimulus” checks.  President is requesting explanation on the difference between “trillions” and “gazillions.” 

3:00 – 3:30PM  Meeting with Domestic Advisor Susan Rice.   Learn more cool stuff about Biden domestic agenda, receive talking points.

3:45 – 4:15PM    – Snack of Delaware corn dog, then power nap.

4:30 – 5:15PM  –  Briefing from CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky.    Ask her directly if there are ways we can keep the US economy and daily life locked down.

5:20 – 5:30PM –  Phone call with VP Kamala to see what makes more sense: visiting the Mexican border in 2023 or in our re-election year, 2024.

6:00 – 8:15PM –  Private dinner and White House screening of latest Michael Moore movie.   Invited guests: Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Sen. Bernie Sanders, Congresswoman Ilhan Omar, Jussie Smollett, Cong. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

8:30 – 9:00PM  –  Video call with Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin III to see how implementation is going on Dr. Jill’s decor changes for Air Force I.   This close to bedtime,  avoid all unpleasant foreign affairs matters.

9:15 PM –        President retires to private family quarters.    Brings DNC briefing book:   “Photo I.D. Never Matters”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  When he hears the new term “cis,” he thinks of the nun who rapped his knuckles with a yardstick in 8th grade.

 9.  Inspired by Governor Cuomo, he longs to drive a “muscle car,” even if only to the therapist.

 8.  After radical Congresswomen spoke of “birthing people,” he wondered what to call “Mother’s Day” this​ week​.

 7.  He fantasized about compet​ing​ in female college sports​… ​ but only for a moment.

 6.  Due to her bulky winter clothes, he inadvertently helped an older lady to cross an intersection.

 5.  He refused a free offer to shave “AOC” into his back hair.

 4.  He casually accepts that more men than women go into engineering, fire fighting, lion taming​, ​ Army artillery, Star Trek conventions, Pamplona bull runnings, bear tracking, plumbing, pearl diving, rodeo work,​ and​ street demonstrations in Iran​.​

  3.   While hanging a Helen Reddy poster, he wonders if it’s OK to enjoy using his power tool.

  2.   Offered a complimentary drink with a little umbrella, he opted to pay for a shot of whiskey.

… and the NUMBER ONE SIGN that SOMEONE YOU KNOW MAY be IMBUED with “TOXIC MASCULINITY” is…

  1.  He knows he has more common sense than our Vice President.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.  President Biden offered to build him the “West Virginia Comprehensive Subway Authority.”

  9.  Mitch McConnell promised to extend the subway from WVa right to the Senate Hart Building.

  8.  New “Robert K. Byrd Theme Park” near Parkersburg to feature a locally familiar “alternative” to Mount Rushmore.

  7.  There’s nothing like having Chuck Schumer and Dick Durban serving you coffee and croissants on trays each morning.

  6.  As he enters the Senate chambers, John Denver tunes drown out anyone who happens to be speaking.

  5.  Post-pandemic concert tickets are being printed for the “Kennedy – Manchin Center.”

  4.  Open survey of female Senators lists him as the “most magnetically handsome” member of their institution.

  3.  Air Force 2 had previously never been used for commuting. 

  2. Jeff Bezos to order Washington Post to run daily flattering photo and “Manchin Witticism.”

…and the Number One Reason it’s Good to be Senator Joe Manchin in 2021 is:

  1.  During his visit to the House Speaker’s office, she excused herself to “slip into something more comfortable.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  That meeting with Senator Majority Leader Andrea Cousins: don’t bring up ANY kind of poker

 9.  Taxes?    Where on earth would rich New Yorkers move to?

 8.  Check with Counsel: Is it OK to have a business meeting with female staffers in the mansion pool?

7.  Do not drive my 10-miles-per-gallon GTO muscle car to “Earth Week” ceremonies.  Leave GTO in mansion garage, pellegrino.

 6.  “It’s still Trump’s fault.”   “But it’s Bill DeBlasio’s fault, too.”

 5.  My promise of $15,000 for each migrant…    Check with staff:  what if Canadians start coming over for it?

 4.  Remember:  bring baked goods for that nursing home visit.  They’ll love me!

 3.   Put the “nipple ring” controversy to rest:   wear a jacket, guy.

 2.  Be sure security detail is beefed up for my “More Gun Control” outdoor news conference.

…and the NUMBER ONE ANDREW CUOMO “MEMO to SELF” THIS WEEK is:

 1.  Arrange nice photo op with female legislators.  Convey charming best “non-predator” smile.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  “Expand the court”   New Meaning: More politicians from one party on the taxpayers’ payroll,  now resplendent in black robes

  9.  “Peaceful protests” –  New Meaning:   deaths, injuries, rampant arson and looting

  8. “Equity”      New Meaning:  Judging people by race, ethnicity or sex (best option: “all of the above”)

  7. “Infrastructure ”    New Meaning:  Free health care for illegals, subsidized tuition for the wealthy

  6.  “Green New Deal”   New Meaning:  More Solyndras, but on steroids

  5.  “White Supremacy”      New Meaning:  Support for the family and western civilization

  4. “Climate Justice”    New Meaning: Wait for your new fuel, utility, and transportation bills

  3.  “Paying Their Fair Share”   New Meaning:  This means you

  2.  “Gender”     New Meaning:  A fluid concept of self-identification

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW “WOKE” 2021 GLOSSARY DEFINITION is:

  1.  “Police Brutality”    New Meaning:   Simply wearing a blue uniform

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.   Henceforth, all really scary looking guns are banned.

 9.  National gun ​“​buy back​“​ will offer free​ hot dog ​at​ the All Star game in Denver,​ in exchange for your home defense revolver.​

 8. For his past gun felonies, Hunter is pardoned forthwith.

 7.  Free health care is nice, but: AR-15s confiscated from law abiding owners will be issued to​ illegal migrants as part of their “Welcome to America” package.​

 6.  Firing shotguns from back porches in Delaware will ​be permitted while the President is in- state​.

 5.  A Federal “gun free zone” will exist within a 3-mile radius of Dr. Jill, Nancy and Chuck​, at all times​.  ​Naturally, newly enlarged ​Secret Service​ details​ will be issued automatic weapons within these zones.

​ 4. ​(In recognition of their longtime suffering…)  Lifetime Federal concealed carry pistol permits are hereby allotted to Hillary R. Clinton, R. Hunter Biden, Eric Holder, Adam Schiff, and Anthony Weiner.

 3. In the event of home invasion, operators will be available for “chat” on the White House website, 24/7.

 2.  All references to “the Second Amendment” will be blocked on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube, as requested by the President of his friends.

…and the NUMBER ONE LESSER KNOWN BIDEN EXECUTIVE ORDER REGARDING FIREARMS is:

1.  Federal tax credits will be available to homeowners installing metal detectors at their front doors.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10. On election day, the weather is rather cloudy.

9. Elderly volunteer in my polling place did not properly refer to me as “they.”

8. I wanted to “same-day register,” but the police kept chasing me all the way from that bank.

7. Major League Baseball is played somewhere in the state.

6. Board of Elections guy wants me to divulge my address.  Can you imagine?

5. Look, there’s a police officer outside the polling place.

4. It says right here that early voting can only take place in the same year as the election.

3. No portrait-size photos of President Harris on display in or near the voting machines.

2. Fox News truck sighted within 1/2 mile of voting site.

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY THAT STACEY and JOE CAN SPOT “VOTER SUPPRESSION” IS:

1. You live in a state where Coca Cola is available, and Delta flies there.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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​10. ​ Trickster alters Joe’s teleprompter to keep r​epeat​ing:  “I’m not in Wilmington anymore…. I’m not in Wilmington any more…”

​ 9.​  President s​hout​s “I am speaking!” even when alone in the Oval Office.

​ 8. ​Vice President taunts Joe by using the nuclear football to play “pickle in the middle.”

​ 7.​  Even Dr. Jill refers to the “Harris administration.”

​ 6. ​Stimulus checks are prioritized for looters bailed out by Kamala in Minneapolis.

​ 5.​   Vice President informs Joe that with his new gender rules, he can declare himself the first female president

 4.  Joe requisitions Air Force One only if Kamala isn’t heading out of town.

 3.  During 3AM trip to the bathroom, Joe bumps into Kamala, busy delivering “to do” memos to staff.

 2.  As Marine Corps band plays “Hail to the Chief,” Kamala jumps out of her seat, clenched fist in the air.

….and the NUMBER ONE TIP-OFF that KAMALA is REALLY in CHARGE is:

 1.  Arguing for passage of HR 1, Vice President declares that “death ought not be an impediment to voting.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10. Chinese Communist (CCP) diplomats publicly berate the USA, attacking “systemic racism,” quoting the violent BLM.

9. Biden-Harris diplomats publicly berate the USA for “systemic racism,” endorsing the violent BLM.

8. CCP basic training features drilling with fixed-bayonets and hand-to-hand combat against American “devils.”

7. New Biden-Harris executive order “enables all Americans to serve in uniform,” include all genders, orientations and pregnancy statuses.

6.  Chinese generals have nicknames like “Human Butcher” (Gen. Bai Qi) and “War Lord” ( Xiahou Yuan).

5. Biden “Equality Act” and fluid gender selection mean that Defense Secretary (Gen.) Lloyd Austin could choose to be “General Linda.”

4. President Xi Jinping is using coal power plants to drive manufacturing of next-generation CCP weapons systems.

3. President Biden canceled the vital Keystone Pipeline and signed onto Paris Climate Accord rules that would cripple US world influence and our economy.

2.   President Xi’s daughter Xi Mingze graduated from Harvard, and advises her father on the American psyche.

…and the NUMBER ONE CONTRAST BETWEEN THE CCP and the BIDEN-HARRIS APPROACHES to FOREIGN AFFAIRS is:

1. President Biden’s son Hunter stepped off Air Force 2, accepted $1.5 billion in Chinese cash for investment, and thinks he’s a genius.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .