Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  Czarina for the northern border

9. Chair of ​ the​ new​ Federal​ “Disinformation​ Junta,​“​ with power​ to order IRS audits and cancel restaurant reservations

8.  Primary researcher of the “root causes” for police resignations across the nation

7.    Warden and Minister of Re-education ​for​ the prisons holding January 6th ​detain​ees still awaiting trial

6.   Oversee US Naval strategy to protect and pacify the Taiwan Strait 

    ​5.  Care Manager for any cognitively-challenged residents of the White House      

4.  Surrogate speaker and translator for Transportation Secretary Buttigieg

3.  ​Attending any and all head-of-state funerals to come in Micronesia

2.  Chair of new “bail fund” to spring non-white supremacists arrested for looting, arson, shoplifting, riot, assault, home invasion, auto theft and other “infractions”

​                                      (Not applicable in “no bail” New York state.)

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW ASSIGNMENT (based on dazzling achievements) BEING CONSIDERED for our VICE PRESIDENT is…

1. Exclusive Washington-area distributor of 500,000 just-discovered 1970s-era “Whip Inflation Now” lapel buttons 

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. As a thank you for the $1.5 billion investment from Red China, Hunter delivered 10 complimentary toasters to Ambassador Zhang Jun for opening ​those ​new accounts.

9. Joseph Biden has asked architects in Delaware to draw up plans for a large pagoda.   Construction costs will be paid in cash.

8. Overlooking the beautiful Yangtze River in Shanghai, there is a 9,000 square foot penthouse condo​, purchased​ in Dr. Jill’s maiden name.

7. Based on explicit photos in the laptop, Hunter might actually benefit from some of those arcane medications seen on TV.

6.  That $3.5 million “consultancy fee” from former Moscow First Lady Yelena Baturina was spent mostly​on ​private tasting​s of Russian vodkas.

5.  To keep tabs on each other, Biden family members read Miranda Devine in the NY Post​,​to see who is out-grifting whom.

​      4.  At the Rehoboth Beach mansion, Joseph and Dr. Jill order Chinese takeout from a local restaurant, only to have it delivered by Defense Minister General Wei Fenghe.

3.  In a lesser-spoken Ukrainian dialect, “Burisma” means “grease the American’s palm.”

2.  Classified reports on hypersonic missile technology are available near the hot fudge machine in the Wilmington Dairy Queen.

…and the NUMBER ONE REVELATION DURING EARLY INVESTIGATIONS by CONGRESSMAN JAMES COMER’S HOUSE OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE is…

 1. Second cousin “Bridie” Biden has been hired for the summer as a $200,000 receptionist in the Chinese Mission to the United Nations.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Wearing a fake Groucho nose and glasses, FBI Director Wray sighted handing Gatorade and a bullhorn to Ray Epps.

9.  CNN’s Wolf Blitzer briefly anchored the Capitol protest coverage wearing Viking horns.

8.   When the Secret Service wouldn’t drive him, President Trump got to the Rayburn Building in 97 seconds on a high-speed segue.

7.   Suddenly having a free afternoon, Nancy Pelosi got her hair done.   Still no mask.

      6. When lawmakers arrived at  their secret temporary location, many did not realize it was the Biden basement in Wilmington.

5.    Graffitto seen in the House Cannon building elevator:  “For a good time, call ​Antifa-Dating ​at 202-555-0000.” 

4.    Congresswoman Lauren Boebert fired four shots into the air, but no one seemed to notice at the time.

3.   We think that was Bill Clinton near the Senate Hart Building, running after an individual in leg warmers.

2.  The images were blurry, but it appeared that six people were carrying illegal Redskins flags while wearing black judicial robes.

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISE in the NEW JANUARY 6^th VIDEOS SEEN on TV THIS WEEK is…

1. Once evacuated from the Capitol, Jerry Nadler rushed back in, knowing he had the House cafeteria buffet all to himself.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “‘Canceling’ all customer debts currently held by tavern owners.”

9.  “Re-naming Sequoia National Park in California as ‘First Gentleman Doug Emhoff Toxic Masculinity National Forest​.​‘”

8. “Ordering the use of Federal Eminent Domain to Evict that dang Wilmington, Delaware Computer Repair Shop, so that an Ice Cream parlor can replace it.”

7.   Ordering the Lifting of Restrictions on Gas & Oil Drilling and Fracking….     but only on Trump properties.”   

6. “Creating new taxpayer-funded free tuition scheme, exclusively for Gender Studies majors.”

5.   Ordering that during “press availabilities” in the state of Delaware, questions will be limited to ice cream flavors and toppings.

4.  The Keystone Pipeline is herewith donated to the U. S. Olympic Luge Team.

3.    ​Camp Beauregard in Louisiana is forthwith named for non-Confederate Hunter Biden.

2.   All successful applications for Federal grant funding must utilize the term “equity” at least twenty times.

 …and the NUMBER ONE EXECUTIVE ORDER to be ANNOUNCED this WEEK by JOSEPH BIDEN is…

1.  “Re-naming the Rio Grande River in Texas as ‘Kamala Krossings.‘”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .