Your Weekly American Top Ten List

​10.  ​Presidents Trump and Obama share .09% German DNA​.​​ 

9. ​ Joe Biden is a second cousin to malaprop king “Professor” Irwin Corey​.​​ 

8.​  An MSNBC personality discovers he is distantly related to Stalin & Hitler, but responds: “Who?” ​ 

7.​   President Trump, Vice President Pence and actor Jay Silverheels share a common distant ancestor: Geronimo. 

6.  It’s no coincidence that US Senator Bernie Sanders and “Kentucky Colonel” Harlan Sanders share a surname.​ 

5. ​ Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard is a first cousin, thrice removed, of Hillary Clinton. 

4.  CNN’s Jim Acosta is told he is a 5th cousin of William Howard Taft, but asks: “Is he up for re-election?” 

3.  Dan Rather is a long lost nephew of Richard Nixon.

  2.  A re-test may be advised, but former presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke appears to have descended from Bill Clinton.​ 

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING DISCOVERY FROM THOSE HOME-DNA TESTS TAKEN DURING SHUTDOWN is:

1. ​ ​Test after test​, Elizabeth Warren remains zero percent Native American.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  The US Air Force’s new “F-31 Cougar” fighter will somehow be manufactured in Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s San Francisco district.

 9. If this bill exceeds 1,800 pages, Yosemite National Park’s “El Capitan” will be renamed for Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA).

 8.  Residents of foreign birth in “pre-citizenship status” immediately qualify for a $2,400 stimulus check, Food Stamps, a mail-in ballot for November and early admission to Oberlin College (free tuition).

 7. $159 million is appropriated for a new Boeing 787 “Dreamliner,” to shuttle Speaker Pelosi more efficiently to vital climate change rallies.

 6.   $12,500 is appropriated for new suits for Congressman Jerrold Nadler (D-Manhattan).

 5.  400 million paper ballots (200 million extra in the event of an “immigration” surge) will be printed in the district of House Majority Whip James Clyburn (D-SC).

 4.  Henceforth, Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley and Rashida Tlaib may insist, on the House floor, to be addressed as “highness.” 

 3.  No matter the outcome of the election, $310 million is approved to add likenesses of Michael Avenatti and Joe Biden to Mount Rushmore.

 2.  Of the 6,000 tanks in the Defense Department’s arsenal, 2,500 will be re-purposed to deliver free meals, US grown cannabis and mail-in ballots to low-voting cities and college towns.

…and the NUMBER ONE LITTLE-KNOWN PROVISION IN HOUSE DEMOCRATS’ $3 TRILLION SO-CALLED STIMULUS BILL is…

1. Mere use of the racist term “illegal alien” will be punishable with a 39% marginal income tax rate.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy! To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]

10. Among likely Joe Biden voters, 34% want him, if elected, to continue operating from his Delaware basement.

 9.  In New Jersey, incumbent U.S. Senator Cory Booker only outpolls Spartacus, 48-45%.

 8.  On Staten Island, NY, 54% of registered voters agree that “Mayor DeBlasio has done more to damage NYC than the virus.”

 7. On the west side of Manhattan, 52% of adults like this “Re-elect Rep. Jerrold Nadler” slogan:

“Our Jerry:  He was impeaching while Wuhan was screeching.”

 6. Fully 62% of Delaware voters want “Senator Chris Coons to do more to assist poor Mr. Biden in his basement.”

5. 71% of self-identified independents believe that “if they debate, Trump will actually put Biden in a headlock.”

 4.   41% of Rhode Islanders are voting to re-elect Senator Jack Reed because they believe he was a Major League outfielder.

 3.  73% of adult Oklahomans support early release for “Tiger King” Joe Exotic….    but only if he is replaced in prison by Hillary.

 2.  Among voters who “support Nancy Pelosi’s $3 trillion stimulus plan,” 62% cannot differentiate among “a trillion, a megazillion and a gazillion” dollars.

.and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING RESULT FROM THIS WEEK’S POLLING RESULTS is

1. A national survey asked 952 respondents about their faith in the “truthfulness of the following list of institutions and individuals”

Percentage of those who believe in the truthfulness of:

         –59%   – Professional wrestling

         –38%   -Lawyers

         –19%    -Speaker Nancy Pelosi

         –15%    -Three-Card Monte sharks

         –11%     -CNN

         —9%     -Michael Avenatti

         —8%     -MSNBC

         —7%      -the New York Times

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10.  By Halloween, Hillary will have figured out how to get paid for “virtual” speeches…

 9.  Environmentalists be danged, Governor Andrew Cuomo will start driving everywhere in his gas-guzzling 1968 GTO.​

8. ​ Joe Biden:  “Why can’t I just get inaugurated right here in the basement?”​

7.  ​President Trump to the White House Press Corps:  “Next time around, no more Mr. Nice Guy.”​

6.  ​Aware of their mortality after months of pandemic, Elizabeth Warren’s brothers confess: “We aren’t Indian at all.”

​ 5. ​Embarrassed by mass snoring, prior to his A.M. briefings​, Mayor deBlasio ​will ​set out a buffet of chilled Red Bull and free “No-Doz”​ for reporters.​ 

4.  ​Michigan “Strongwoman” Governor Gretchen Witmer ​to ​name​ ​Congresswoman Rasheed Tlaib (D-M​I​) as “Director of Re-Education” for the new detention camps ​housing​ disobedient business owners.​

3. ​On his dating profile, Bill Clinton will swear ​to​ abide by social distancing norms for at least 90 minutes. 

2. Following a self-imposed quarantine after the election, Nancy Pelosi will emerge looking mysteriously younger.

…and the NUMBER ONE ASPECT of “NEW NORMAL” LIFE WE CAN EXPECT LATER in 2020 is…

 1. Sign to be seen in front of “progressive” church in Berkeley, California:  ‘WELCOME BACK FROM VIRUS LOCKDOWN!   

Special this Week:    OBEY ANY SIX of the TEN COMMANDMENTS.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10.    Check out Hillary’s “study.”    Isn’t that the furniture she carted out of the White House?

 9.    Gee, you can hear those sounds every time Eric Swallwell is interviewed.

 8.  Isn’t that a 1993 photo of Tara Reade on the credenza behind Joe Biden?

 7.  Wow, I never noticed that “I LOVE AHNOLD” tattoo on Nancy’s forearm…

 6.   How come Mayor deBlasio’s briefings​ have that hazy smoke cloud​?  

 5.  Y’know, I think Chuck Schumer even has a camera and mic in the shower…

 4.  Who knew that Governor Ralph Northam favored the “VA-is-for-Lovers” design on his boxers? 

 3.  Those are new Lakota moccasins by the door. Y’think Senator Warren wears them door-to-door?

 2.  Isn’t that man strolling in to the picture behind Kamala Harris our 42nd president?

…and the NUMBER ONE OBSERVATIONS WE’VE MADE DURING THOSE “ZOOM” INTERVIEWS at V.I.P. HOMES is:

 1.   Bernie Sanders has a copy of “Das Kapital” actually inscribed to him by Karl Marx.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .