Your Weekly American Top Ten List

​10.  Sure, I’ll trade you the gravy for the stuffing.   Finally, some real collusion!

 9.  Please pass the cranberry sauce, which is as red as Orange County used to be.

 8.  That’s OK​, Turquoise​  —   I ​just had no idea you could bake tofu in the shape of a turkey​.

 7. “Bless us oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty,

                  …   and the most successful free economy in the world.​“​

 6.  Thanks to climate change, we grew these avocados right here in International Falls.

 5.    ​Grandma​,​ did​ the pilgrims ​really​ come here for all the free stuff from government​?​

 4.    I was ​pleasantly ​surprised to see that cheating quarterback of yours handing out a few turkeys this morning.

3.    Without those tax cuts, you’d be eatin’ canned string beans, Buster.

2.   No, the Stolichnaya was not a gift from Paul Manafort.  Nor Vladimir Putin, either.

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT USED to SMOOTH OVER DIFFERENCES DURING the THANKSGIVING WEEKEND is…

 1.  ​  Sweatheart, be a doll and,  just for today, don’t call my family “The Caravan,” OK?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.    To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.   While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens by scrolling back through 2016, 2017 and 2018 lists.   To communicate with the Top Ten’s editor, please e-mail  [email protected] .   Enjoy!

10.  Sure, I’ll trade you the gravy for the stuffing.   Finally, some real collusion!

 9.  Please pass the cranberry sauce, which is as red as Orange County used to be.

 8.  That’s OK​, Turquoise​  —   I ​just had no idea you could bake tofu in the shape of a turkey​.

 7.  “Bless us oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty,

                                     …   and the most successful free economy in the world.​“​

 6.   Thanks to climate change, we grew these avocados right here in International Falls.

 5.    ​Grandma​,​ did​ the pilgrims ​really​ come here for all the free stuff from government​?​

 4.    I was ​pleasantly ​surprised to see that cheating quarterback of yours handing out a few turkeys this morning.

 3.     Without those tax cuts, you’d be eatin’ canned string beans, Buster.

 2.   No,  the Stolichnaya was not a gift from Paul Manafort.  Nor Vladimir Putin, either.

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT USED to SMOOTH OVER DIFFERENCES DURING THANKSGIVING WEEKEND is:

 1.   ​  Sweatheart, be a doll and, just for today, don’t call my family “The Caravan,” OK?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.   To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, log on to  www.gipperten.com .

Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.   While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through 2016, 2017 and 2018.   To communicate with the Top Ten’s editor, please email  [email protected] .    Enjoy !

10.   I’ll trade you four Rick Scotts for three Pat Buchanans.

 9.  How come that guy keeps bragging about his”chads” collection?

  8.  What do we do with these two mail-ins for Al Gore?

  7.  OK, Brenda Snipes couldn’t get it done.   Did we call Wesley Snipes?

 6.  Since when is it against regs to have a cocktail when counting paper ballots?

 5. That’s not a vote marked for Bill Nelson.   That’s tomato sauce!

 4.   Hey look!   Brenda says 35 more ballots arrived with the Chinese food delivery!

  3.  How come I can’t vote for Cuomo in New York and Gillum in Florida?

  2.    I don’t care if you are here illegally and demand to vote.   But can you keep the llama outside?

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD DURING the VOTE RE-COUNT in FLORIDA’S BROWARD and PALMBEACH COUNTIES is:

  1.   This Agriculture Commissioner recount is so exciting.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.   To subscribe to the Top Ten for free, visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.  While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back.

To communicate with the editor of the Top Ten, please e-mail  [email protected] .   Enjoy!

10.   21% of South Carolina voters identified Nancy Pelosi as a soap opera villain.

 9.  Of those voting for Keith Ellison for Minnesota Attorney General, 48% believe he is opposed to domestic violence.

 8.  4% of New Yorkers selected Kirsten Gillibrand as a “Swedish rock band.”

 7.  In Arizona, 6% of those marking “Sinema” for US Senate thought they would be issued free movie tickets.

 6.  23% of South Bronx residents support Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ‘s version of socialism, even if it means rationing toilet paper.

 5.   17% of Vermonters identified incumbent Senator Bernie Sanders as a “scrumptious Ben & Jerry’s flavor.”

 4.   9% of Kentuckians believe Bernie Sanders to be related to the Colonel.

 3.    99% of Haitian-American Republicans in Utah voted to re-elect Congresswoman Mia Love.

 2.    52% of male Missouri voters told pollsters that US Senator Claire McCaskill reminded them “of their first wives or their mothers-in-law.”

…and the NUMBER ONE MOST INTERESTING RESULTS from “EXIT POLLS” on ELECTION DAY 2018 is:

 1.   76% of South and North Dakotans admitted that they would rather “actually dance with wolves” than support Andrew M. Cuomo for president.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.  To subscribe for free, log on to  www.gipperten.com   .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.   While on the site, catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back.   To contact Your Weekly American Top Ten list, please e-mail:  [email protected] .   Enjoy!

10.  In New Jersey, 23% of voters support challenger Bob Hugin for U.S. Senator, 22% support incumbent Bob Menendez, but 53% strongly oppose their daughters becoming interns for Senator Menendez.

9.   10% of Californians would prefer to live in Nepal.

8.    17% of people randomly surveyed in Jerrold Nadler’s Manhattan Congressional district consider him to be a sex symbol.

7.    47% of Texans admit they just like saying “Beto.”

6.    32% of South Dakotans told pollsters they consider North Dakotans to be “crass.”

5.     An astonishing 97% of residents of Arctic Village, Alaska favor re-incorporating as “Palm Springs.”

4.   87% of self-described Evangelicals do not own a single “rap” CD.

3.   39% of Californians favor the Republican candidate for U.S. Senate (though there is none!).

2.     6% of all Americans identified PBS character Ross Poldark as the British Prime Minister.  

…and  the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING POLL RESULT from the FINAL DAYS PRIOR to ELECTION 2018 is…

   1.  47% of New York voters would endorse Andrew Cuomo for President, as a way of getting him out of the state.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.   To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” log on to  www.gipperten.com  .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.  While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016, 2017 and 2018 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected] .