10. Sure, I’ll trade you the gravy for the stuffing. Finally, some real collusion!
9. Please pass the cranberry sauce, which is as red as Orange County used to be.
8. That’s OK, Turquoise — I just had no idea you could bake tofu in the shape of a turkey.
7. “Bless us oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty,
… and the most successful free economy in the world.“
6. Thanks to climate change, we grew these avocados right here in International Falls.
5. Grandma, did the pilgrims really come here for all the free stuff from government?
4. I was pleasantly surprised to see that cheating quarterback of yours handing out a few turkeys this morning.
3. Without those tax cuts, you’d be eatin’ canned string beans, Buster.
2. No, the Stolichnaya was not a gift from Paul Manafort. Nor Vladimir Putin, either.
…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT USED to SMOOTH OVER DIFFERENCES DURING THANKSGIVING WEEKEND is:
1. Sweatheart, be a doll and, just for today, don’t call my family “The Caravan,” OK?
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