Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. “​I AM NOT A BIDEN RUBBER STAMP.    A RUBBER STAMP ​LEAVES AN IMPRESSION’

9. “I’M FOR THE SECOND AMENDMENT”   (for upstate TV markets)

8. “GUNS ARE THE PROBLEM” (for the NYC + suburban markets)

7.  “MY PLAN IS TO SERVE MY FULL TERM.  AS OF TODAY.”

6.   “ONCE VOTED THE HOTTEST MEMBER OF CONGRESS”

5.   “NEW YORKERS WANT EQUITY, NOT LOWER TAXES”

4. “’VOTED BY CAPITOL STAFFERS AS ‘ONE OF THE 98 SMARTEST SENATORS.'”

3. “MY CONSTITUENT SERVICE​ STAFF HELP THE MIDDLE CLASS EVERY DAY.   PRESS ONE IF YOU ARE A DONOR”

2.  “I SOLVED THAT STICKY BORDER CRISIS….      WITH CONNECTICUT”

…and the NUMBER ONE “TRIAL BALLOON” SLOGAN for the RE-ELECT SENATOR KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND CAMPAIGN is…

1. “VOTE GILLIBRAND.   SHE’LL NEVER USE THE WRONG PRONOUN.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “No, that box has my cash payments from China and Russia.”

9. “Mr. President?   Mr. President?    No, that means you, sir.”

8.  “Look, my Corvette never got stolen.”

7.  “Just because you raided Melania’s undies, don’t get fresh here, Sonny Boy.”

6.   “Leave my brother Hunter out of this.”

5.​  “Documents?   Are you my accountant?”

4. “You can’t charge me — I’m the dang U.S. Senator.”

3. “Here’s a really top secret file:   my plan to close the border.”

2.  “Hur?  Bob Hur?    I knew your grandpappy – –   Ben.”

… and the NUMBER ONE YET-UNRELEASED REMARK from SPECIAL COUNSEL ROBERT HUR’S REPORT on BIDEN MISHANDLING of CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS is…

1.  “Jill, show him the ‘Influence Peddling’ file cabinet, OK?”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. The pre-paid Food Stamp credit cards are fine, but​,​ OH! Those pre-paid “Fan Duel” gambling cards​!

9. Judgmental “illegal migrant” moniker to be replaced with “guest brand ambassador.”

8. “No-photo TSA clearance” to be outdone by No-photo drivers’ licenses.

7.  New ​NYC Adams administration “frequent guest” program:  ​“Stay 10 days in the $383-a-night Roosevelt Hotel, earn two free nights at any non-Trump hotel.​“

6. “Recreation hour’ in migrant housing is operated by Equinox Fitness.

5. Cash prizes at the “Migrant Olympics,” where  competitions include traversing a river, scaling a wall and stealing live poultry.

4.  Looks like we can actually use all these mail-in absentee ballots.

3.  Those “Times Square Gun Free Zone” signs don’t apply to us.

2.  Hey, it’s off-season. Let’s fly back to Martha’s Vineyard !

…and the NUMBER ONE “AMENITY” OFFERED by NYC, as VOTED by ILLEGAL MIGRANTS is…

1. You can trade fentanyl for weed almost anywhere.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was bicycling to Indiana to adopt triplets and “earn” triple paternity leave.

9. Attorney General Garland borrowed John Kerry’s private jet to take his annual “Continuing Legal Education” courses….    in Cuba.

8.  VP Kamala “took no calls” for three days at the Vice President’s Naval Observatory residence, so she could carefully study aerial and satellite images of our southern border.

7.  Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen took a 3-hour “mental health” and espresso break after processing the difference between a billion, trillion and gazillion.

6.  Although staff feared he might be in violent San Francisco, Governor Newsom was finally discovered in a Yountsville, California meadow, 146 yards from his beloved French Laundry, sleeping off the “caviar-and-vodka” tasting menu.

5. Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas flew to an ‘anti-impeachment coaching and spa’ weekend in Lebanon, Kansas, the remote point equidistant from both the Mexican and Canadian borders.

4.  Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm simply got stranded for 46 hours in Bourbon County, Kentucky, seeking a tow to an electric vehicle charging station.

3.  Miguel Cardona, Secretary of Education, was cloistered in “Dr. Jill’s” Northern Virginia Community College, taking the advanced “cursive writing” course.

2.  In full headdress, US Senator Elizabeth Warren drove across the NY state border to personally apply for a coveted “Native American Gaming Casino” license.   The round-trip and paperwork consumed 28 hours of “personal time.”

…and the NUMBER ONE EXCUSE a SENIOR OFFICIAL COULD GIVE for GOING “AWOL” is…

   1. Vladimir Putin was “off the Russian grid” nearly four hours.    Apparently, he was riding a horse in Red Square, shirtless.   There were no witnesses or recorded photographs.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe to newsletter” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .