Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. (Andrew Cuomo) When announcing a new run for elective office, (to prevent involuntary groping) wear catcher’s mitts on both hands.

9. (Adam Schiff) Come up with new and better hoax than Russia-Collusion, get elected to U.S. Senate.

8. (Joseph Biden)  Go on vacation once in a while.

7. (Kamala Harris) As “Border Czarina,” relocate official VP residence to Eagle Pass, Texas.  Once there, wait to see if you’re on the `24 ticket.

6. (Kim Jong-un)   Find a new, empty body of water for missile-lobbing.

5. (Donald Trump)  Avoid conviction, take golfing weekend on Taiwan.

4. (Eric Adams)  Figure out how to blame Republicans for the $9 billion NYC deficit caused by spending on 150,000 migrants.

3. (MSNBC and CNN)   Keep saving democracy by cheering Trump removals from ballots.

2. (Chuck Schumer)  Be more open and willing to accept reporters’ questions and free media coverage. 

…and the NUMBER ONE RESOLUTION for 2024 is…

1. (Gavin Newsom)  Build your own border wall, to keep fleeing California taxpayers IN.

                                                         BLESSINGS for 2024 to all “Weekly American Top Ten” list readers!! 

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  For the Cuomo brothers: An all-male detention facility

9.  For Karin Jean-Pierre: some believable material

8.  For Charles Schumer: a “hot” microphone, broadcasting 24/7

7.   For Antony Blinken: a teachable moment from trusting the mullahs in Iran  (though a vigorous “caning” would be part of their tradition)

      6.​  For George Santos:  a professional resume-writing consultation

5.  For Kamala Harris: a 3-D relief map of our southern border, and charm lessons from Hillary

4.  For Kim Jong-un:  trade North Korean nukes in exchange for an NBA franchise

3.  For Elizabeth Warren, AOC and Ilhan Omar:  Free tuition to “Economics for Dummies,”  taught by Larry Kudlow and Kevin Hassett

2.  For Volodymyr Zelensky:  Vital military aid from the EU and the USA, with $99 earmarked for a new suit

… and the NUMBER ONE CHRISTMAS GIFT for our POLITICAL CELEBRITIES is:

1.  For Joseph and Hunter Biden: Full and unconditional pardons from President K. Harris

MERRY CHRISTMAS to ALL.  GOD BLESS US, EVERYONE!

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

For the uninitiated who want to sing this version around their Christmas trees (also approved for Hanukkah celebrations), here is how the traditional “12 Days” is sung:  You sing each of the song’s 12 lines, in ascending numerical order.   But then you only repeat the “gifts” already received.  

For example:  Start the song with “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a partridge in a pear tree.”  But here is how your verse would sound in mid-song:  “On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six geese-a-laying, five go-o-o-ld rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

 Try that format with today’s creation, below.  Note that singers are expected to dra-a-ag out the syllables on the gift of the “5th Day of Christmas,”in this case “Fi-i-ve impeach – ment probes.”    

Now:   Your NEW 12 Days of Christmas….

1. On the first day of Christmas, my true love game to me:

           –   “Cash for the Big Guy from Xi.”   (JEE)

2. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

             –   “Two Cuomos groping.”

3. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

       – “Three open borders.”

      4.  On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

       –  “Four Rashidas wailing.”

5. On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

   –  “F-i-i-ve impeachment probes.”

6. On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love to me:

    – “Six healthy justices.”

7. On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

       – “Seven spies for Swalwell.”

8. On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

         – “Eight million migrants.”

9. On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

          –  “Nine fake newspapers.”

10. On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

          –  “Ten FBI raids.”

11. On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

           –  “Eleven trillion new debt.”

12. On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

          – “Twelve wars out- breaking.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!N

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “Dear Occupant: Season’s Greetings! Here are 20 more unsolicited, blank paper ballots for Election Day 2024, just for you.   If you would like an additional supply, just call.”                 -Democrat State Committee

9. “T’is always the season to reach out and touch someone.”    –former NY Governor Andrew “Frisky” Cuomo, considering a run for NYC Mayor

8. “Feliz Navidad from 35,000 feet above the Rio Grande River.”               – ​Your Border Czarina,  Kamala Harris

7. “May you get all treats and no tricks this month.”          – Joseph Biden, writing from his Delaware basement

6. ” I wish you an early Meli Kalikimaka, before climate change floods my state.”     -US Sen. Maisie Hirono (D- Hawaii)

5. “Dear students and ​university staff​: ​We can’t define “woman.”   “Genocide” requires “context” to comprehend.  Hate-driven harassment is protected speech here.   But…  let us celebrate an equitable, secular winter solstice in one of the many ‘Safe Spaces’ on our beloved campus.”  ​                                                                                               – Selected Ivy League & other top university presidents

4. “If you can just believe in Frosty the Snowman… you can believe our southern border is secure.”                                                                                                                                   – Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Majorkas

      3.  “​Officially Atheistic H​oliday Greetings to my loyal subjects.  With no gasoline available, we are proudly delivering on our Paris “‘climate’ emissions targets.”                                                                        – Venezuelan Comandante Nicolas Maduro

2. “Thanks for nuthin.” ​ former Congressman George Santos, in his holiday CandyGram messages to all members of the House

…and the NUMBER ONE CHRISTMAS/ HANUKKAH/ HOLIDAY CARD INSCRIPTION for 2024 is:

1.  “Dear Mr. President: Thank you in advance for the expected resumption of holiday ‘gratuities’ to our peace-loving nation.    Nevertheless, death to America.”                                                       -Iranian President Hassan Rouhani

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. White House staff progressives replace Hanukkah menorah of lights with:  “the NATIONAL COLD WEATHER CANDELABRA”

9. George Santos is offered a consolation job as “Prancer” in the Radio City Christmas show.

8. At the President’s “surprise” 81st birthday party, Ilhan Omar sings her version of “Santa Baby.”

7.  Prince Harry and Meghan issue their annual Thanksgiving news release:  “We join all concerned citizens of the planet in celebrating this “sustainable” Thanksgiving.”

(News release is FAXed from their private jet, while circling LAX for more great photo shots.)

6. Supreme Leader Kim jong-Un asks:   “With enough kimchee, can we divide this turkey among 26 million people?”

     5.​ Pro-Hamas disrupters of  Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade accidentally impede the “cackling Kamala Harris” balloon.

4. ​ Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib claims the holiday is “racist and colonialist,” but discreetly asks for some “Jello mold leftovers.”

​    3.   Andrew and Chris Cuomo call home to ask: “Mom, you want takeout again this year?”

2. New York Daily Times headline:   “GRATITUDE? FOR WHAT?”

…and the NUMBER ONE “WOKE” HAPPENING THIS THANKSGIVING is…

1. ​As cameras are turned off, Joseph Biden kills the turkey, then pardons Hunter.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2023 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .