Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. “OK, SO HE’S NEVER CREATED A JOB…”

 9. “MAYBE, JUST MAYBE…   YOU COULD KEEP YOUR DOCTOR…”

 8. “AS WASHINGTON CROSSED THE DELAWARE, BIDEN PEERED OUT FROM HIS BASEMENT…”

 7. “EVEN IF HE KNEW ABOUT SPYING ON THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN, HE’S FORGOTTEN SINCE THEN…”

 6. “’DEFUND THE POLICE’ MEANS WE CAN AFFORD MORE SWEETHEART DEALS FOR BIDEN FAMILY MEMBERS…”

5. “IF YOU LIKE THIS SHUTDOWN, YOU’LL LOVE JOE’S GREEN NEW DEAL!”

 4.  “TRULY, FRIENDS: HE IS PLAGIARIZING A LOT LESS THAN HE USED TO…”

 3.  “I WOULD NEVER STEAL WHITE HOUSE FURNITURE LIKE THE CLINTONS…  A FEW CHEVY SUBURBANS…    MAYBE.”

 2.  “MY VICE PRESIDENT WILL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT STATE WE ARE IN…”

…and the NUMBER ONE ADVERTISING THEME BEING CONSIDERED by the JOSEPH BIDEN CAMPAIGN is:

1. “IN CHINA, WHILE JOE WAS GABBING, HUNTER WAS GRABBING…”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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 ​10.  I​n a 6-3 decision written by Justice Gorsuch, employment discrimination against LGBTQ individuals was struck down, based on a new interpretation of the 1964 Civil Rights Act.   

However, in a show of hands, all nine justices agreed that, in the workplace, show tunes ought never to be played above 102 decibels.  

​ 9.​  About ten feet from the Court’s official 2020 photo location, neatly draped over a chair, is one pair of men’s trousers.

​ 8.  ​Following the court’s 5-4 “McGirty v. Oklahoma” decision, ​ recogniz​ing the sovereignty of the Lakota & Cherokee nations, nine free passes to the Dancing Bear Casino arrived by courier from ​a Tulsa address.

​ 7. ​  Upholding the First Amendment’s freedom of religion clause, the Court’s “Little Sisters of the Poor v. Pennsylvania” decision enshrined the right of the Catholic nuns to avoid compulsion to provide benefits for what they consider to be sinful activity.   

In the ladies’ restroom at the court, there was gratuitous graffitto ​comparing the sisters​ to that Sally Field character.  

 6.  In the Justices’ Dining Room, a “bong” stained with lipstick was found near the microwave.

​ 5. ​With many arguments before the court taking place by telephone and “Zoom,” ​during one appeal, ​an unidentified voice referred to a  justice as “an over-educated twerp.”

 4.  The “Barr v. American Association of Political Consultants” decision concluded that robocalls for political causes and debt collection were protected free speech. 

However, two justices admitted, during oral argument, that they had personally stalked and threatened debt collectors.

 3.  A little known decision that strengthens officials’ ability to verify actual, legal residents of the state requires that those on line to vote in Texas must continually dance the two-step.

2.  The mixed ” Vance v. Trump” decision concluded that sitting presidents may be subject to criminal subpoenas, but referred the Congressional quest for the President’s tax records back to lower courts. 

 In his written explanation to the president, the Chief Justice suggested that the most effective way to respond to Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance ​may be a well-executed head lock. 

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISE AROUND the U.S. SUPREME COURT BUILDING as this SESSION ENDS is:

 1.  In “Kelmell v. Florida​​,” the court affirmed the long-standing requirement that police ​read the “Miranda rights” to all apprehended persons.   However, police may now inform arrestees about exciting current promotions from Amway, Mary Kay and Avon, as well.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “We’re Hidin’ with Biden.”

9. “This Is Your Summer of Love”

8. ” Here’s the Green New Deal: All Your Flights Home Have Been Cancelled”

7. “More Looting, less Prosecuting”

6. “Win with Sleepy, Creepy and Weepy”   (Biden, Harvey Weinstein & Schumer)

5. “A Convention on Zoom, to Nominate a Loon”

4. “Let’s Vote for Bernie’s Platform Before we Read It”

3. “You May be Able to Keep Your Doctor, Quite Possibly”

2. “No I.C.E., but Lots of Free Stuff”

…and the NUMBER ONE “OFFICIAL THEME” BEING CONSIDERED for the DEMOCRATS’ AUGUST CONVENTION isw:

1. ” Weed, Greed and Lots More Taxes”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Keep practicing:  “ZEE – know – PHO – bee – uh” …   ” ZEE – know – PHO – bee – uh…”

 9.  It’s exactly 14 steps up from the basement to the ice maker.  So here’s my 14 point plan where you can actually keep your doctor. 

8. These AOC talking points for halting air travel and gas-powered cars…   That wouldn’t include Air Force One and my limos… would it? 

7. Pull together a plan for ending the Vietnam war. 

6.  Wow, these hair plugs do need a tune-up before my convention speech.  How ’bout rainbow colors? 

5.  How else can I say “tax hike?”   “Contribution?”   “Patriotic gift?”  

4.  Attack Justice Clarence Thomas again. 

3.  What’s my plan if President Trump actually meets me behind that gym? 

2. I can see Hunter as an ambassador, can’t you? 

…and the NUMBER ONE CHECKLIST ITEM for JOSEPH BIDEN this WEEK is:

1. Sure, I’m all for debating.   How about five lightning rounds on the topic of Delaware rest stops?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .