Your Weekly American Top Ten List

​10.​ “Where’s the shower?”​

9. ​”Thank you, Officer Muldoon.   That IS the guy who stole my I-phone.”

​ 8. ​”Who was that very tall guy in the suit?    His weed was really far-out, man.”​

7. ​”O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light….”​

6. ​ “Oh no, sergeant.   Defund the Police doesn’t mean YOU.”​

5. ​”I’m only here to meet some babes.”​

4.​ “I have to admit, Giuliani’s policies saved about 50,000 black & brown lives in recent decades.”​

3. ​  “What would I need a change of clothes for?”​

2. ​ “My appearance aside,  I was thinking of taking the NYPD entrance exam.”

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT QUITE UNLIKELY to be HEARD at that “OCCUPY” ENCAMPMENT OUTSIDE CITY HALL in NYC is:

1.   “We ain’t leavin’ until they cut marginal income tax rates.”​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10. ” Pelosi​ Pilates​ Lunge”  (for impeachment)

 9.   “​Chuck ​Schumer​ Tai-Chi”  ​(With slow, controlled eastern-inspired motion, the Senate Minority Leader alternates between scowling & high energy bloviating. Triple practice sessions on Sunday when cameras are detected.)

 8. “The Adam Schiff Shuffle”  (Emphatically claim you have evidence of Russian collusion, but never say you’re sorry when proven to be untruthful.)

 7.  “The Di Caprio Dash”  (Leonardo ​sprint​s​ to his private jet​, en route to this week’s climate change symposium​.)

 6.  “The Joe Biden Crawl”   (Up from his basement and over to China…)

 5. “House Bailout Bill bench press”  (Beef up the biceps by pressing a 21-pound [1,800 pages] multi-trillion dollar bill with each arm.)

 4.  The “Jerrold Nadler Promenade”  (Don a frayed suit and carry a bill of impeachment 1/4 mile to the Senate.    Return and repeat.)

 3. “Mayor DeBlasio Run-in-Place news conference”  (Reporters counteract the overwhelming impulse to drift into sound sleep as the Mayor drones on with another 2-hour monologue…  by combining jumping jacks with running-in-place, while re-hydrating with Red Bull.)

 2.  “Pyong Yang Alley-Oop”   (The Supreme Leader of North Korea takes chest-high passes from Dennis Rodman before dunking a basketball on a hoop a full five feet off the ground).

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW FITNESS ROUTINE DEVELOPED DURING IN-HOME LOCKDOWNS is…

1. The “Cuomo (Nursing Home) ​Elliptical​”   (Aerobic hemming-and-hawing, synchronized with two-handed finger pointing at Washington.)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10. ​ ​T​hat​ strangely familiar​ guy in the back of the “Speed Dating” bar party is a former president of the United States.

​ 9. ​With no more Corona virus briefings from Mayor DeBlasio, reporters emerge from NYC City Hall fully alert and awake.

​ 8. ​Protesters advocating a “correct” cause can congregate in crowds, without masks. (No, not YOU, not yet)….

​ 7. ​Joe Biden is spotted in the sunshine, waving to people.   Police soon deliver him back to the family in Wilmington.

 6. Looters pause to apply sun block they’ve just stolen.

 5. Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio emerge from quarantine to hop on their private jets en route to the next Climate Change symposium.

​ 4. ​Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer​‘s husband, Dr. Marc Molloy, manages to avoid​ say​ing ​ “do you have any idea who my wife is?” for ​five whole hours.​

 3. Astronauts return from the space station, only to ask:  “What virus?”

 2. Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot no longer feels a need to explain how she “takes her personal hygiene very seriously.”

…and the NUMBER ONE SIGN that YOUR STATE is FINALLY “OPENING UP” is…

 1. New York Governor Andrew Cuomo goes “cruising” in his 1968 GTO convertible, yelling: “I’m available!  I’m available!”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.​  “Fraternity Pledge“

9.​  “​Global​ Studies ​honor student​”​

8.​  “​A​ member of Joe Biden’s base”​

7.​  “Concerned Youth”​

6.​ “Our Best and Brightest”​

5.​  “Income Equality Champion”​

4.  “​Ad-Hoc​ ​Gasoline Broker”​

3.​  “Police Brutality opponent”​

2.​  “Human Rights attorney” 

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW MEDIA EUPHEMISM for “LOOTER,” “VANDAL,” “RIOTER,” “ARSONIST,” and ‘GANG-BANGER” is:

1.  “Interim Store Manager”​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2020 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .