Your Weekly American Top Ten List

​10. ​ I am relevant…   I AM relevant!​

9.​ Wh​y​ was I ​gonna​ tak​e​ him behind the gym, sonny?​

8. ​ I’ve got it!   I’ll come out against that damn war in Vietnam.

​ 7. ​Remember… don’t forget… be sure to pronounce that “Z” in “xenophobic.”

​ 6. ​Maybe it’s time to attack Clarence Thomas again.​

5.​ ​Dang, I  did promise a woman for vice president.   Eleanor Roosevelt?   Frances Perkins? 

4. Jill.  Jill!    Get my shotgun.   I haven’t fired it off the back porch in ages!​

3.​ This ​%#$​ basement.   I feel like I’M back in chains!​

2. ​ Barack endorsed me?​  Barack WHO?​

…and the NUMBER ONE INNERMOST JOE BIDEN THOUGHT DURING QUARANTINE is…

​ 1. I was never involved with any woman, Tara ​Lewinsky or ​whomever….

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  $155 million to purchase ice cream for every Californian.

                           (Amendment announced in front of Nancy Pelosi’s industrial home refrigerator)

 9.   An amendment to the Urban Mass Transit Administrations’s (DOT) appropriation, providing for $509 billion for construction of a 63-mile under-the-Pacific tunnel linking the Honolulu Rail Transit Project with the island of Kaui.     

 -Sponsored by Reps. Lyndon Schatz (D-HI) and Zoe Cohen (D-TN)

 8.  $21 billion to provide for “individual usage” subway cars in New York City.

                                  -Sponsored by Rep. Nydia Nadler (D-Brooklyn)

 7.  Bill to block access to the Interstate Highway System for any vehicle not mileage-rated at 50 miles-per-gallon (Voila!!  Your permanent Green New Deal lockdown​.​)

                                   -Sponsored by Rep. Ilhan Tlaib (D-Illinois)

 6.  $95 supplemental appropriation for the World Health Organization (WHO) to provide first-class air travel and Michelin-rated restaurant meals for deserving WHO bureaucrats 

                            -Sponsored by Rep. Joaquin Abzug (D-MN)

 5.  An amendment to the Department of Homeland Security’s budget, authorizing the Secret Service to enforce “social distancing” perimeters around  Al Franken, Joe Biden, Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner and Katie Hill.   

                    -Sponsored by Rep. Rose DiSwallwell  (D-MD)

 4.  A bill to impeach Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue  (from the Speaker’s “Why Not?” legislative priorities)  

                      – Sponsored by Rep.Maxine Schiff (D- Ga.)

 3. $41 million for the National Science Foundation (NSF), to study the dating habits of Star Trek convention enthusiasts. 

                       -Sponsored by Rep. Nita Shalala (D-VA

 2.  $67 million to underwrite cultural performances at the Kennedy Center, Wolf Trap Performing Arts Center and the William J. Clinton Adult Film Festival

            -Sponsored by Reps. Tulsi Wasserman Schultz (D-AR), Rep. Major Weiner (D-NY) and Rep. Beto Menendez (D-TX)

…and the NUMBER ONE HOUSE DEMOCRAT “AMENDMENT” to SLOW DOWN EMERGENCY RELIEF to AMERICAN FAMILIES and BUSINESSES is…

1. An amendment to the Department of Homeland Security authorization, to re-name “I.C.E” (US Immigration & Customs Enforcement) as “N.I.C.E” (No Illegal Can be Expelled)     

                    -Sponsored by Rep. Hakeem Pascrell (D-AZ)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy! To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]

10. ​”​On-line, you said you were 31.​  And nothing about Congress.​​”​

 9.  ​“​Are those children in the background?​“​

 8.  ​“​In all this clutter, I can’t seem to find my Congressional Medal of Honor here.​“​

 7. ​“​I am indeed a fan of John Kennedy.   He’s the current Senator from Louisiana.​“​

 6.  ​“Sure, ​I’m pro-choice….    school choice.​“​

 5.  ​  ​“​​When you said that you loved ‘The Wall,’ you didn’t mean the Pink Floyd song?​“

 4. “Could you turn on some lights?”

 3. “Didn’t I hear the screen name ‘Carlos Danger’ somewhere else?”

 2. ” Zzz.   Sorry… I’m back… I’m back.  That was just my Joe Biden impression.”

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT HEARD via SKYPE (live video) this MONTH is:

1.  ​”​Mr. ‘Chappaqua,’ aren’t you a former president of the United States?​”​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.   NBC’S CHUCK TODD ASSAILED FOR SUGGESTING THAT DUE TO SLOW RESPONSE, GOVERNOR CUOMO HAS “BLOOD ON HIS HANDS”

                                 – Stanford Journalism Review

  9.  STIMULUS PLAN NEGLECTS BAIL OUT CONCERNS OF TRANSGENDER AMERICANS

                                               – Breitbart After Dark

8. OFF THE RECORD, HOUSE DEMOCRATS CONCEDE THAT OBSESSION WITH IMPEACHMENT DIVERTED ATTENTION FROM VIRUS

                                                      – Baltimore Post

7.   ​GLANCING AT HIS SECURITY DETAIL, MIKE BLOOMBERG “​CAN’T FATHOM” AMERICANS’ RUSH TO GUN STORES 

                                                        – Daily Snooze

6.   SURVEYS REVEAL THAT DURING CORONA CRISIS, CONSERVATIVES DONATE MUCH MORE TO CHARITY THAN PROGRESSIVES

                                                – Philanthropy Times

5.  ​ON ​FIRST HEARING OF VIRUS CHALLENGE, SPEAKER PELOSI SAID TO HAVE ASKED ‘CORONA, CALIFORNIA OR NEW YORK?'”

                                                         – San Francisco Tribune

4.    WIDE-ANGLE CAMERA SHOT ​AT MAYOR DeBLASIO NEWS CONFERENCE ​REVEALS MOST REPORTERS ​TO BE SOUND ASLEEP

                                  – Dartmouth Review of Media & Society

3.   GORE, DiCAPRIO REVEL ​IN​ IDLE AIRLINERS AT MAJOR AIRPORTS, ENABLING PRIVATE JETS TO SPEED V.I.P. TRAVEL

                                                          –  Nashville Scanner

​2.  IN ​SKYPE INTERVIEW, JOE BIDEN SEEMS TO CONFUSE “PANDEMIC” WITH NORTH FLORIDA BEACH TOWN 

​                                                            – Jacksonville Gator​

…and the NUMBER ONE MAINSTREAM NEWS HEADLINE WE WON’T be SEEING THIS WEEK is…

1,  EMPTY STREETS, CRASHING ENERGY USAGE, MASS UNEMPLOYMENT PROVIDE WINDOW INTO REALITY OF A FUTURE “GREEN NEW DEAL”

                                                -New York Globe

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .