10.    Burning the American flag is protected “speech.” But burning the PLO flag could accelerate climate change.

9.     Women should be granted equal pay for comparable work, except for the State Department, the offices of US Senators from New York, and                                                                             the White House.

8.     To address income inequality, all privately owned swimming pools will henceforth be public.

                                                      (Hey! Check out this cannonball, Mr. Soros!)

7.     You have a human right to free health care, free college and free pants suits. 

6.     New Democrat Party “Path to Citizenship”:   land here illegally, you’re on the path.

       5.   Corporations must pay their fair share in taxes!!   Therefore, we must increase the world’s already-highest corporate tax rate.

       4.   “Micro-aggressions” now qualify Americans for Federal disability benefits.

3.   The Democrat Party’s top priority:   Gender Neutral Bathrooms:  our Final Frontier.   

2.    Of course we believe in the Second Amendment.  And under the new Hillary national gun registration, permits will be expedited by                                                                                                      Lois Lerner.

     …and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING but LITTLE KNOWN PLANK in the DEMOCRAT NATIONAL PLATFORM is:

1.    Free Hillary Now !!     (this plank passed just in case an arrest coincided with her acceptance speech).

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  10.    Look Mom, no handcuffs today.

    9.   That Clinton – Kaine headband really complements your mullet.

     8. Where is Raul Castro speaking ?  

     7.   Gluten-free, non-GMO, locally sourced organic vegan Hoagies!!  Get ’em right here!   

    6.  That’s a cool t-shirt.   Who’s McGovern?

    5.  What e-mails? Hillary’s or Wikileaks?

     4.  I took a “selfie” with Bill Clinton, and he hit on me!

      3.  Why are the Bernie delegates wearing orange jumpsuits and laughing??    

      2.  I am a delegate, a protester and a citizen of this galaxy.

 …and the NUMBER ONE PHRASE YOU can EXPECT to HEAR at the DEMOCRAT NATIONAL CONVENTION in PHILADELPHIA is: 

      1.   Yes, Lois Lerner certainly deserves to be DNC Chair.

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 TOP TEN QUALITIES that RECOMMEND SOMEONE to be a VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE:

10.  The ability to say:  “That’s old news!” …even in one’s sleep.

9.    Able to focus the most fawning, adoring gaze toward the presidential nominee at public events (think Katharine Hepburn glancing at Spencer Tracy)…

8.    Willingness to abandon core beliefs, not excluding support for any three of the first Ten Amendments.

7.     Look like a plausible real-life president, just in case the boss is dragged off to prison during your term.

6.     Comfort level with president’s children and grandchildren, for easy segue into vice presidential baby-sitting assignments.

5.      The somber facial expression of the successful undertaker is fine-tuned for the VP’s most important diplomatic mission:  showing up for photo ops at foreign                 state funerals.

4.       Vocalizing “Of course the president is correct,” with a bit more enthusiasm each day.

3.       The ability to say something nice about a pantsuit or a red tie each day.  

2.        Intellectually and politically experienced enough to chair that critical “Blue Ribbon Vice Presidential Commission on…..on…”

                                             What, again, was that urgent issue we don’t have the guts to fix??

    …and the NUMBER ONE QUALITY THAT RECOMMENDS SOMEONE to be a VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE is:

     1.         Ability to hand wash the Presidential stretch limo, including wheel rims, in under 11 minutes.

                                                                Extra time allotted for vacuuming.

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10.       Wow, it’s hotter here in Phoenix than during my Paula Jones deposition.

9.      Personally, I think a new president should consider keeping the incumbent attorney general in her Cabinet.

8.        Your grandchildren are so cute.  What a shame if they were to grow up during a Trump administration.

7.        Your grandchildren are so cute.    What a shame that both of their grandfathers are felons.

6.       I am hearing more talk of a Clinton – Lynch ticket

5. .      This private jet is cool.   Do the beds have that massage feature??

4.        Got any gum?

3.        Of course I am grateful that you appointed me the US Attorney for Brooklyn. But I’m not grateful in that way, sir.

2.        With guidance, that Comey guy is gonna be alright.

  … and the NUMBER ONE POINT OF DISCUSSION DURING that BILL CLINTON – LORETTA LYNCH PRIVATE-JET-on-the-TARMAC MEETING :

1.         I haven’t been practicing law for a while.   Is sexting illegal ?

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10.    Reading Clinton Cash by Peter Schweizer at Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.

9.     After just one beverage, keeps saying “This is a big *&$%@ deal” to resort wait staff.

8.     Considering request from the Marx Brothers Foundation to house his Vice Presidential papers.

7.      Firing a shotgun from his back porch for fun, as he advised the other year.

6.     Calling random delegates to the Democrat National Convention to ask, “Now if a presidential candidate were to be indicted…..   Just saying, hypothetically…”

5.      Flipping sprinkler system “on” as President enters Rose Garden.

4.      Checking latest surveys to see what polls best: a. income tax hikes, b. ground troops in the middle east, c. Hillary’s plan to import many more migrants to the US,             or d.  “Bidencare.”

3.      Allows “double shirtless” photo to be taken of himself with Vladimir Putin, both sunbathing at undisclosed Black Sea location.

2.      Meets with focus groups to determine which fellow Democrat he should call   “…articulate, bright and clean and a nice guy”  this year.

…and the NUMBER ONE JOE BIDEN FUN ACTIVITY on SUMMER VACATION THIS YEAR is:

1.    Keeps practicing how to say “They wants to keep y’all in chains” in a southern accent.

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