Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  I had no idea that Barack went into acting.

9.  Is that da​ng S.O.B. Clooney playing opposite him?

8. Jill, tell me the truth:   is this the same box Lincoln sat in?

7. Is that S.O.B. Clooney I see tending bar back there?

6.   Of course these tickets were free.  The last thing I paid for was a term paper in college.

5.  Wow, the west side of Manhattan with thousands of people who can afford $1,500 tickets.    That’s my base !

4.  I haven’t heard any “Lion King” songs at all.

3.  ​Call Hunter and Jim.    We can’t make a single dollar in this place.

2.  Where is the ice cream machine?

…and the NUMBER ONE INNERMOST THOUGHT of JOSEPH BIDEN WHILE ATTENDING the PREMIERE of “OTHELLO” on BROADWAY was:

1. If we made the rich “pay their fair share,” I guess this theater would be empty.   

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.   E​SCAPE from NEW YORK II​ —  (Former Governor Andrew Cuomo declares for Mayor, threatening to do for NYC what he did to NY State, chasing more millions out of his jurisdictions).

9. THE WITCHES of CONGRESS​   —  (Still in production, your nominees are welcome).                                    

8. RIO BRAVO​ II   —   (Water pistol gunslingers Kamala and Majorkas finally take the S-L-O-O-O-W road to the southern border,​  for the first time.    ​Driver Alejandro has to keep recharging their electric vehicle).

     ​ 7.  T​HE NUTTY PROFESSOR​ II   —  (T​his one is the Elizabeth Warren biopic…)

     ​ 6.   TWELVE YEARS A MODERATE     (US Senator Kirsten Gillibrand delves deeply into the recesses of her distant memories, when she represented a rural, pro-gun upstate Congressional district).

     ​ 5.   ARRIVAL II  —   (Cheered on by Joseph Biden and his “Transgender Ideology” allies, large muscular humans easily achieve first-place medals in Collegiate Women’s Swimming & other sports, capped off by long, hot showers as terrified, innocent co-eds await their turns in university locker rooms)   (Rated “ X “).

   ​ 4,   NO COUNTRY for YOUNG TAXPAYERS  —    (With the Trump I tax cuts soon to expire, mobs led by Schumer, Jeffries, the New York Times and MSNBC  seek to block this vital policy,  forcing trillions in new taxes upon long suffering, hard-working, taxpaying Americans).

  ​ 3.   LOST IN TRANSLATION  II —  (No matter what the US Supreme Court rules, or what the Secretary of Transportation vocally mandates, Governor Kathy Hochul remains hell-bent on denying New Yorkers’ Second Amendment rights, as well as keeping her hated & illegal “Dracula Tolls” in place).

  ​ 2. GET OUT II  —   (After mere weeks, career criminal migrants take heed of Border Czar Tom Homan’s subtle message….     and self-deport).        

…and the NUMBER ONE MOVIE SEQUEL RELEASE EXPECTED in 2025 is:

1. THE GRIFTERS II   —   (The Biden crime family outdoes any Cosa Nostra syndicate in scoring ill-gotten millions…..     and all while on the public payroll!).

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

“YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST” will return in one week, arriving in email boxes on March 24th.

Blessings for St. Patrick’s Day to you.

10. Bring your E-Z Pass windshield transponder, anticipating a new Kathy Hochul “congestion pricing” toll on the planet.

9.  On Mars, even having ​ a VCR will make you a hit with the local “Red Planet Babes” population.

8.   Bring enough “My Pillows,” and Mike Lindell may give you the franchise for that region of the solar system.

7.    Beg the locals not to remove AM radio from your Mars-Rover vehicles.

6.    When you make your list of animals to breed in the cool Martian climate, don’t fret.   The cockroaches are waiting for you on the starship.

5.    In a high stress, new-planet environment, you may need sleep aids.    Consider “audio book” speeches by Andrew Cuomo, Joseph Biden and Elizabeth Warren.

4.    The strongest astronaut will become the Martian “Philosopher-King.”    It’s kind of like being governor of Minnesota or California.

3.      To keep more of the planet to yourself, try naming new settlements thusly:     “Devil’s Island,” “East Palestine,” “Three Mile Island,” “Love Canal,”  “Chernobyl,” and “Tsunami Shores.”

2.  Don’t yell at the Amazon guy just for double-parking.

…and the NUMBER ONE “STARTER CHECKLIST” ITEM for the FIRST U. S. COLONY on MARS is:

1.    If your local TV news anchor team operates under DEI,                   …remember that means including more Earthlings.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Got General Services to repaint my private “Tow Away Zone – Deputy Assistant District Director ONLY” parking spot.

9. Convened three unit-wide meetings to figure out how we can keep doing DEI….   but come up with a new name for it.

8.   Took unexpended money from last fiscal year and bought everyone in the district office new briefcases. They used them at our “team building collective” conference, at the Ritz-Carlton.  

7.  Prepared a helpful “Memo on Memos,” helping my colleagues to keep track of the dozens of memoranda from our Director, other supervisors, peers and subordinates that arrive each week.    ** 

6. During our daily office “Wellness Break,” we created snow angels to spell out:  “Not ever, Mr. Musk!“

5. Update our Federal building lobby directory so that President George W. Bush’s photo is finally replaced. 

4. Encourage participation in the building fire drill by offering massages and cocktails when completed.

3. Create a new private website so that “trans” staff can continue their lascivious “chats” offline   (though on Federal duty, as ever).

2. Requisition a Federal passenger jet to bring our office staff to the poverty conference in the U.S. Virgin Islands.  ***

…and the NUMBER ONE RESPONSE to “WHAT DID YOU ACCOMPLISH LAST WEEK?” is…

1. ​Finalize implementing our new $32 million phone system, so that no American will ever be able to reach a human Federal employee at our agency.

TABLE:

** = At one Federal agency where I toiled, they actually created a “Memo on Memos.”

***= In December of one year, HHS’ anti-poverty “Head Start” program held its national conference in the Grand Hyatt Resort, then on St. John in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

 “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Look, he didn’t kill ALL of New York’s seniors.

9.  Andrew really, really needs another mansion to live in.

8. Was I a perfect governor?    No, I still regret not getting that one woman’s phone number.

7.   Sure, some people mind that he named that bridge for Daddy.   But it was built for only three times the original cost estimate.

6.  Remember “New York has no future as the highest-taxed state…?”      Neither do I.

5.  In my last term, they claimed my “Buffalo Billions” was a corrupt boondoggle.     Who’s up for my new “Tribeca Trillions?”

4.  No cash bail is the least we can do for all the new “guests” we have from the border.

3.  He still needs to impress Mama Matilda and kid bro Chris

      2.   Consider that Mayor Adams got upgraded on Turkish Airlines.  Compared to that, some friendly groping don’t seem so horrible, do it?     

…and the NUMBER ONE “TRIAL BALLOON” TALKING POINT for the NASCENT ANDREW CUOMO for NYC MAYOR CAMPAIGN is:

1.  Why am I running for mayor?   As Henry Kissinger told us, “Power is the greatest aphrodisiac.”

 “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

Note:               Two of these examples are bogus, created by your faithful editor.   Can you guess which two are fakes?   See answer at bottom.

10.  The Social Security Administration paid Federal disability benefits to over 7,000 people who were employed by the Federal government at the same time.

      9.   $15 million to the Taliban for condoms.

8.  $13.5 million to a partnership of the Bolshoi Ballet and the Moscow Philharmonic, to produce “Springtime for Vladdy.”

7.   $7.9 million to Sri Lanka to combat “binary gender language.”

6.   $20 million to create an Iraqi version of “Sesame Street.”

5.    $8 million to purchase subscriptions to “Politico Pro” for Federal employees.

4.    A $21 million challenge grant issued to the Saudi Royal family for a “PG” rated TV pilot of “Sex and the Desert.”

3.   $7.1 million for a “BIPOC” (Black, Indigenous and People of Color) speaker series in Canada.

2.   $447,000 to Nepal to “promote an expansion of atheism.”

…and the NUMBER ONE EXAMPLE of WASTEFUL FEDERAL SPENDING, as DISCOVERED by D.O.G.E. is…

1. Syrian national Mahmoud Al Hafyan diverted $9 million in U.S. humanitarian aid to terrorist groups, including the Al-Nusra Front.

Examples #4 and #8 are bogus, created by your editor.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10.  An all-season ice cream bar, never to run out of Joe’s chocolate chip​.

9. Welcome video from “Admiral” “Rachel” Levine.

​ 8.   A one-way ATM, where visitors insert cash (minimum $25,000) with instructions for a Biden family member to make a call (but just one) ​and an “ask” ….

​ 7.  An all-gender locker room with open showers.

​

​ 6.   In the place of the traditional Air Force One on display, the Biden Library will feature the C-17 used to evacuate Afghanistan, with life-like dummies in turbans glued to the landing gear.

5. Within a 100 mile radius of Wilmington, seek out the most flamboyant “drag queens” to read scary tales of “climate migration” to little children.

4.  A life-like hologram of Joseph Biden, where he appears to be answering the public’s questions.    No matter what a visitor says, the Biden image responds:  “Yes, we can afford that.”

3. In the 2,000-seat “George Soros Theater,” visitors enjoy a 12-minute cartoon, where characters who seem to resemble Kamala, George Clooney, Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama gang up on the president, eventually throwing him through a second-story White House window, with Dr. Jill unable to fend off the attackers.   

2. To honor the memory and spirit of Joseph’s “Green New Deal,” the Biden Presidential Library will be 100% powered by renewable energy, such as wind and solar.

…and the NUMBER ONE “CHECKLIST ITEM” in the EARLY PLANNING for the JOSEPH BIDEN PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY is…

1. Due to our internal energy policies, the Biden Library’s  ‘Expected Hours of Operation’ will be limited:  1:00 PM to 2:30 PM on Tuesdays only                                              ( we’ll never apologize for electricity shortages). 

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.   ​Military base mess halls will no longer garnish soft drinks with little umbrellas.

    9.    Navy SEALS and Army Green Berets will have the steak tartare option at every meal.

8.     On soldiers’ ammo belts, tampons will be replaced with grenades.

7.   By Valentine’s Day, all M1 Abrams and Pershing tanks will be painted in camouflage colors, covering over ​2024’s pink.

6.   Lecturers at West Point and Annapolis who had been specializing in the threats of “oppression” and “white supremacy” are being replaced by experts in hypersonic missiles.

5.   Traditional and now current 2025 military icons:  Washington, J. P. Jones, von Steuben, Lafayette, von Clausewitz, Grant, Pershing, Eisenhower, MacArthur,  Patton, Nimitz, Mattis and Schwartzkopf.        

            Military Icon during Joseph Biden’s administration:    Surgeon “General” “Rachel” (also has the rank of “Admiral”) Levine.

4.   At remote American bases, USO variety shows replace even the most entertaining Drag Queen reviews.

3.   In basic training, “marksman” award takes the place of “empathy” and “participation” medals.

2.   More bazookas, fewer “Yoo Hoo, soldier” megaphones.

…and the NUMBER ONE CHANGE in the U.S. MILITARY SINCE CANCELLATION of WOKE POLICIES is…

1.   ​Flip-flops are out during maneuvers.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. High-paying new jobs for teachers of Danish and Inuit.

9.  Pizza Hut to roll out tasty six-slice “blubber” pies nationwide.

8.  Imagine those red, American-made “Gor Greenland Godt Igen”  (​“Make Greenland Great Again,​” in Danish) hats.

7.  The subway from Nuuk to Sisimiut is crime free.   Take that, Chicago.

6.   Quick, buy stock in Air Greenland.

5.    The NBA could expand to include the “Nuuk Musk Oxen.”

4.  Greenlanders seem to have the solution for the homeless problem in winter.

3.    Who doesn’t want a piece of​ “The Igloos at Trump Fjords?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2.   Leading candidate for governor of the scenic new Territory of Greenland campaigns on slogan: “Og, hvis valgt, jeg lover at holde disse forfærdelige Kathy Hochul ‘trængsel prissætning’ vejafgifter ud af Grønland .”    (“And, if elected, I promise to keep those horrible Kathy Hochul ‘congestion pricing’ tolls out of Greenland!”).

…and the NUMBER ONE BENEFIT WHEN GREENLAND BECOMES an AMERICAN TERRITORY is…

1. No American beauty pageant contestant need ever again fear the swimsuit competition from another “Miss Greenland.” 

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .