Your Weekly American Top Ten List

 10.    Israel and Ukraine are aggressors.

9.    New York City can raise taxes with no consequences.

8.  Kamala will be California’s salvation.

7.     This nation will be fine with less energy production.

6.      The world is safer with hypersonic missile ownership limited to Russia, Red China and Iran.

5.      “Violence interrupters” and social workers reduce the need for police.

4.    The pledge of allegiance is racist, but a “Meet your transgender neighbor” assembly is perfect for middle-schoolers.

3.      Voter I. D. is r​eaction​ary and suppresses voting.

2.     ​The question that has no correct answer is: “What is a woman?”

… and the NUMBER ONE RUMOR THAT is LESS BELIEVABLE THAN the EASTER BUNNY is…

1.       WHAT $37 trillion national debt??   We really “need” lots more free stuff!

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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10.  ​ The Taliban has a 10,000% tariff on DVDs of ​ the film“Lone Survivor​.”

9. Italy has a 30% tariff on canned Chef Boy-ar-Dee products.   No one ever took the blame for this​.

8. ​ In response to talk of annexation, Greenland ​has retaliated with a 2,000% tariff on American seal blubber.

7.  For ​uttering a joke about the Supreme Leader​ during trade negotiations, ​the Islamic Republic of Iran demands $2​,000 to cover the costs of ​your funeral.

6. Albania and France impose a 50% fee on all of Liam Neeson’s  tourism-killing​ “Taken” movies.

5.  Mexico adds a 25% fee on “Casamigos” tequila imports, ​excepting Clooney​-autograph​ed bottle​s.

4.  ​Prior to your “pre-import” meeting with Kim Jong-un, drop the names of three NBA stars and you will only have to kiss the beloved North Korean leader’s ring…

3.  On 5-day old sushi from the USA, Japan offers no barriers or tariffs at all.  

2. Manufacturers of “transgender swimwear” have been waiting for a customs decision from Pakistan for three years.

…and the NUMBER ONE QUIRK in the INTERNATIONAL TRADE and TARIFF LANDSCAPE is…

1. The president has fast-tracked a zero tariff policy on all imported high-pressure shower heads.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe to newsletter”” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

                                                                                                                                        (Sorry that last week’s posting did not occur, due to a tech glitch.)

10.  I had no idea that Barack went into acting.

9.  Is that da​ng S.O.B. Clooney playing opposite him?

8. Jill, tell me the truth:   is this the same box Lincoln sat in?

7. Is that S.O.B. Clooney I see tending bar back there?

6.   Of course these tickets were free.  The last thing I paid for was a term paper in college.

5.  Wow, the west side of Manhattan with thousands of people who can afford $1,500 tickets.    That’s my base !

4.  I haven’t heard any “Lion King” songs at all.

3.  ​Call Hunter and Jim.    We can’t make a single dollar in this place.

2.  Where is the ice cream machine?

…and the NUMBER ONE INNERMOST THOUGHT of JOSEPH BIDEN WHILE ATTENDING the PREMIERE of “OTHELLO” on BROADWAY was:

1. If we made the rich “pay their fair share,” I guess this theater would be empty.   

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  I had no idea that Barack went into acting.

9.  Is that da​ng S.O.B. Clooney playing opposite him?

8. Jill, tell me the truth:   is this the same box Lincoln sat in?

7. Is that S.O.B. Clooney I see tending bar back there?

6.   Of course these tickets were free.  The last thing I paid for was a term paper in college.

5.  Wow, the west side of Manhattan with thousands of people who can afford $1,500 tickets.    That’s my base !

4.  I haven’t heard any “Lion King” songs at all.

3.  ​Call Hunter and Jim.    We can’t make a single dollar in this place.

2.  Where is the ice cream machine?

…and the NUMBER ONE INNERMOST THOUGHT of JOSEPH BIDEN WHILE ATTENDING the PREMIERE of “OTHELLO” on BROADWAY was:

1. If we made the rich “pay their fair share,” I guess this theater would be empty.   

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.   E​SCAPE from NEW YORK II​ —  (Former Governor Andrew Cuomo declares for Mayor, threatening to do for NYC what he did to NY State, chasing more millions out of his jurisdictions).

9. THE WITCHES of CONGRESS​   —  (Still in production, your nominees are welcome).                                    

8. RIO BRAVO​ II   —   (Water pistol gunslingers Kamala and Majorkas finally take the S-L-O-O-O-W road to the southern border,​  for the first time.    ​Driver Alejandro has to keep recharging their electric vehicle).

     ​ 7.  T​HE NUTTY PROFESSOR​ II   —  (T​his one is the Elizabeth Warren biopic…)

     ​ 6.   TWELVE YEARS A MODERATE     (US Senator Kirsten Gillibrand delves deeply into the recesses of her distant memories, when she represented a rural, pro-gun upstate Congressional district).

     ​ 5.   ARRIVAL II  —   (Cheered on by Joseph Biden and his “Transgender Ideology” allies, large muscular humans easily achieve first-place medals in Collegiate Women’s Swimming & other sports, capped off by long, hot showers as terrified, innocent co-eds await their turns in university locker rooms)   (Rated “ X “).

   ​ 4,   NO COUNTRY for YOUNG TAXPAYERS  —    (With the Trump I tax cuts soon to expire, mobs led by Schumer, Jeffries, the New York Times and MSNBC  seek to block this vital policy,  forcing trillions in new taxes upon long suffering, hard-working, taxpaying Americans).

  ​ 3.   LOST IN TRANSLATION  II —  (No matter what the US Supreme Court rules, or what the Secretary of Transportation vocally mandates, Governor Kathy Hochul remains hell-bent on denying New Yorkers’ Second Amendment rights, as well as keeping her hated & illegal “Dracula Tolls” in place).

  ​ 2. GET OUT II  —   (After mere weeks, career criminal migrants take heed of Border Czar Tom Homan’s subtle message….     and self-deport).        

…and the NUMBER ONE MOVIE SEQUEL RELEASE EXPECTED in 2025 is:

1. THE GRIFTERS II   —   (The Biden crime family outdoes any Cosa Nostra syndicate in scoring ill-gotten millions…..     and all while on the public payroll!).

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

“YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST” will return in one week, arriving in email boxes on March 24th.

Blessings for St. Patrick’s Day to you.

10. Bring your E-Z Pass windshield transponder, anticipating a new Kathy Hochul “congestion pricing” toll on the planet.

9.  On Mars, even having ​ a VCR will make you a hit with the local “Red Planet Babes” population.

8.   Bring enough “My Pillows,” and Mike Lindell may give you the franchise for that region of the solar system.

7.    Beg the locals not to remove AM radio from your Mars-Rover vehicles.

6.    When you make your list of animals to breed in the cool Martian climate, don’t fret.   The cockroaches are waiting for you on the starship.

5.    In a high stress, new-planet environment, you may need sleep aids.    Consider “audio book” speeches by Andrew Cuomo, Joseph Biden and Elizabeth Warren.

4.    The strongest astronaut will become the Martian “Philosopher-King.”    It’s kind of like being governor of Minnesota or California.

3.      To keep more of the planet to yourself, try naming new settlements thusly:     “Devil’s Island,” “East Palestine,” “Three Mile Island,” “Love Canal,”  “Chernobyl,” and “Tsunami Shores.”

2.  Don’t yell at the Amazon guy just for double-parking.

…and the NUMBER ONE “STARTER CHECKLIST” ITEM for the FIRST U. S. COLONY on MARS is:

1.    If your local TV news anchor team operates under DEI,                   …remember that means including more Earthlings.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Got General Services to repaint my private “Tow Away Zone – Deputy Assistant District Director ONLY” parking spot.

9. Convened three unit-wide meetings to figure out how we can keep doing DEI….   but come up with a new name for it.

8.   Took unexpended money from last fiscal year and bought everyone in the district office new briefcases. They used them at our “team building collective” conference, at the Ritz-Carlton.  

7.  Prepared a helpful “Memo on Memos,” helping my colleagues to keep track of the dozens of memoranda from our Director, other supervisors, peers and subordinates that arrive each week.    ** 

6. During our daily office “Wellness Break,” we created snow angels to spell out:  “Not ever, Mr. Musk!“

5. Update our Federal building lobby directory so that President George W. Bush’s photo is finally replaced. 

4. Encourage participation in the building fire drill by offering massages and cocktails when completed.

3. Create a new private website so that “trans” staff can continue their lascivious “chats” offline   (though on Federal duty, as ever).

2. Requisition a Federal passenger jet to bring our office staff to the poverty conference in the U.S. Virgin Islands.  ***

…and the NUMBER ONE RESPONSE to “WHAT DID YOU ACCOMPLISH LAST WEEK?” is…

1. ​Finalize implementing our new $32 million phone system, so that no American will ever be able to reach a human Federal employee at our agency.

TABLE:

** = At one Federal agency where I toiled, they actually created a “Memo on Memos.”

***= In December of one year, HHS’ anti-poverty “Head Start” program held its national conference in the Grand Hyatt Resort, then on St. John in the U.S. Virgin Islands.

 “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Look, he didn’t kill ALL of New York’s seniors.

9.  Andrew really, really needs another mansion to live in.

8. Was I a perfect governor?    No, I still regret not getting that one woman’s phone number.

7.   Sure, some people mind that he named that bridge for Daddy.   But it was built for only three times the original cost estimate.

6.  Remember “New York has no future as the highest-taxed state…?”      Neither do I.

5.  In my last term, they claimed my “Buffalo Billions” was a corrupt boondoggle.     Who’s up for my new “Tribeca Trillions?”

4.  No cash bail is the least we can do for all the new “guests” we have from the border.

3.  He still needs to impress Mama Matilda and kid bro Chris

      2.   Consider that Mayor Adams got upgraded on Turkish Airlines.  Compared to that, some friendly groping don’t seem so horrible, do it?     

…and the NUMBER ONE “TRIAL BALLOON” TALKING POINT for the NASCENT ANDREW CUOMO for NYC MAYOR CAMPAIGN is:

1.  Why am I running for mayor?   As Henry Kissinger told us, “Power is the greatest aphrodisiac.”

 “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

Note:               Two of these examples are bogus, created by your faithful editor.   Can you guess which two are fakes?   See answer at bottom.

10.  The Social Security Administration paid Federal disability benefits to over 7,000 people who were employed by the Federal government at the same time.

      9.   $15 million to the Taliban for condoms.

8.  $13.5 million to a partnership of the Bolshoi Ballet and the Moscow Philharmonic, to produce “Springtime for Vladdy.”

7.   $7.9 million to Sri Lanka to combat “binary gender language.”

6.   $20 million to create an Iraqi version of “Sesame Street.”

5.    $8 million to purchase subscriptions to “Politico Pro” for Federal employees.

4.    A $21 million challenge grant issued to the Saudi Royal family for a “PG” rated TV pilot of “Sex and the Desert.”

3.   $7.1 million for a “BIPOC” (Black, Indigenous and People of Color) speaker series in Canada.

2.   $447,000 to Nepal to “promote an expansion of atheism.”

…and the NUMBER ONE EXAMPLE of WASTEFUL FEDERAL SPENDING, as DISCOVERED by D.O.G.E. is…

1. Syrian national Mahmoud Al Hafyan diverted $9 million in U.S. humanitarian aid to terrorist groups, including the Al-Nusra Front.

Examples #4 and #8 are bogus, created by your editor.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .