Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. No, that can’t be a tiny I.V. running up Joseph’s sleeve…. can it?

9.  A tiny earphone for the president.​   (How else could he hear us?)

8. T​o avoid disinformation, the Biden team will control​ all microphone​s.

7.  Questions and topics to be developed by Hakeem Jeffries, ​Rachel Maddow, Kamala, Stephen Colbert and Kim Jong-un.

6.  Soft candle lighting only, please.

5.  Simultaneous live translations of the President’s responses in Spanish, Chinese, Korean, Russian, Tagalog, Hindi, Japanese, Afrikaans, Swahili, Haitian Creole, Yiddish, but most importantly…  in clear, intelligible ENGLISH.

4.  Three 20-minute coffee or chilled Red Bull breaks.

3.  The President will require two nurses…    err….   Secret Service associates…   at his lectern.

2.  Only President Biden will receive debate questions in advance.   (Hey, CNN did that for Hillary, right?)

… and the NUMBER ONE DEMAND the BIDEN TEAM is MAKING PRIOR to the UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES is…

1. ​To avoid “cackling eruptions,” Kamala will remain in a secure. sound-proof isolation booth until sign-off.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  Traffic will ebb so much, you’ll be able to ride your skateboard through the Midtown Tunnel.

9.   The Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) will be able to pay lots more subway cleaners $100,000 pensions when they retire.

8.  Millions will return to the safety of the subways.

​     7.  Look for this new phenomenon:  “canoeing commuters.”

6.    The MTA will be able to keep ignoring the 40% of Bronx bus riders who refuse to pay their fares.

5.   Once $1 billion is collected in new tolls/taxes, the fourth car in every subway train will be the “dining carriage.”   The sixth car will offer cannabis sales.

4.   MTA leaders can finally upgrade to new limousines.

3.  When a restaurant loses most of its dining traffic, you can always score a good table (until they close).

2.  What else could unite the teachers’ union and a Republican Borough President in opposition? 

…and the NUMBER ONE BENEFIT PROGRESSIVES are EXPECTING from NYC’S NEW “CONGESTION PRICING” TAX/TOLL is:

1. Who knew the price of used helicopters would spike over this?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. To avoid handling checks personally, have Hunter or one of your officially-recognized grandchildren in the receiving line..

9.  Serve the finest wines Delaware has to offer.

8.  To avoid embarrassing a foreign dictator, offer Venmo as a more genteel way of transmitting those eye-popping “gratuities.”

7. Scream about  “THE THREAT TO DEMOCRACY!,”  …then mingle.

6. Many guests, naturally, will appreciate the ability to sniff the hair of younger females.

5.  After the entrée is served, nothing says “Event concludes 9PM sharp” more than changing into pajamas for dessert.

4. If the crowd is lingering after hours, play the “Kamala cackling” audio tape, & watch ’em clear out.”

3. Make sure you have an ample supply of “ol’ 45s” ready for the Victrola.

2. Remind emcee Pete Buttigieg to park his bicycle in a visible spot, in the event a camera emerges.

…and the NUMBER ONE JOSEPH BIDEN PARTY TIP is:

1. Only Bidens get in free.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.   “Sure I know what it means.   It means the subway from the East River to that sea by Coney Island.”

9. “Of course I’m a student.   Today, I learned that crime has no consequences here.”

8. ” Don’t TAZE me, bro!”  (Uttered to a college maintenance guy…)

7. “If we call this squatting, can we stay longer?”

6. “Palestine?  Isn’t that place in Ohio that Biden won’t visit?”

5. “This is the bravest thing I’ve done​ since switching genders twice in one month.”

4. “You sayin’ that expulsion really means expulsion?”

3. “Sarge, you were right.   They don’t shower at all.”

2. “I’m here for the weed.”

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD DURING POLICE ACTIONS to REMOVE VANDALS from the COLUMBIA and C.C.N.Y. CAMPUSES is: 

1. “Thank you, Mr. Soros. But should the tents all be identical?”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .