Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. That wafting smell on West 41st Street is not from a Longhorn stable.

      9.  You mean we have to pay income taxes here?

8. The grinning guy with the hat on the “A” train is not a Texas Ranger.

7. In Texas, “squatters” can be “persuaded” to find alternative lodging, pretty much immediately.

6. The “Best Little Whorehouse” is not in Luckenbach, plus we call ‘em “sex workers” here.

5.  Texas has “The Alamo,” we’ve got “Fort Apache.”

4.   Along the BQE, that is wind-swept trash, not tumbleweeds.

3.  In Greenwich Village, a man wearing chaps is not guaranteed to be a “cattle-drivin’, six-gun totin'” cowboy.

2. Really?  Jacob deGrom left the Mets to pitch in a no-income tax state?

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY to TELL YOU’RE in NEW YORK and NOT in TEXAS is…

1. I know a guy here who has to post a quick $500 million bond for a “crime” with no victims.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Cartel minivan drivers crossing the border with a “Majorkas Bobblehead” ornament on the dashboard will receive pre-paid gasoline cards and free rapid oil change.

9. Border-crossing migrants from Andorra, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, San Marino, Vatican City and Gibraltar will be arrested and deported immediately.

8. High-net worth migrants from Monaco will be assessed a 25% “wealth tax” upon US entry, and returned to Monte Carlo (economy class) forthwith.

7. Racial, ethnic and gender profiling of migrants is strictly prohibited…        except for those shifty Liechstensteiners.

6. For each 300 feet of new border wall constructed, a bronze bust of a Biden family member must be affixed and displayed.

5. Migrants who have obtained counterfeit Voter IDs will be booked into Manhattan’s Roosevelt Hotel, and then re-directed to 2024 “Swing States.”

4.  Crossing the Rio Grande in a wet “Thank You Joe Biden” T-shirt grants you a free towel, cell phone and gift card.

3.  Every thousandth illegal will be awarded “their” own “Newcomer Influencer” channel on You Tube.

2.   1.5 million new, additional migrants WILL be released into the U.S. each year   (Wait! That actually WAS in the previous Biden-Schumer bill!!)

….and the NUMBER ONE PROVISION in the LATEST “BI-PARTISAN’ BORDER PROPOSAL is:

1.   Migrants flown into the U.S. on Biden-requisitioned military aircraft will have automatic access to First Class airline lounges.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “After three short years, your dollar is still worth about half of its original value.”

9.   “The United States is being challenged as never before.    We need a military that welcomes every single gender.”

8.   “I am appointing my brother Hunter to….”

7.    “In fact, more than a thousand illegal​,​sorry, undocumented, migrants work in this very building!”

6.    “I told Jill to crank up the Victrola last week and….”

5.   “Medicare and Social Security are as sound as our borders.​ They’ve got at least another two years left.”

4.   “My Chinese paymasters have been insisting….”

3.   “​S​o many of our problems can be traced to shrinkflation.”

2.   “​Corn Pop was telling me just the other day that we should go behind the school gym and beat up ‘my predecessor.'”

    …and the NUMBER ONE LINE EDITED OUT of the “STATE f the UNION” ADDRESS is:

1.  “Except for my no-experience family members, let’s make the rich pay their fair share of taxes.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. 34% agree that Vladimir Putin without shirt is a “good presidential look.”

9.  Opposition candidates Niklas Khakitonov, Leonid Slutsky and Vladislav Davankov are polling at a combined 7%.

8.  Russian voters overwhelmingly say that “mail-in ballots offer too much opportunity for fraud.”

7.  98.4% of Russian voters “doubt” that U. S. Senator Elizabeth Warren ​actually “descended from Siberian Eskimos.”

6. One in five Stolichnaya vodka drinkers plan to write in “Peter the Great” for president.   (Survey taken at 11 PM).

5.  Asked to name a heroic​, admirable Russian leader, 67% answered “Maria Sharapova.”

4.  73% of Russians with access to a television say that “Russian sit-coms more-funny than Amerikanski ones.”

3. When Muscovites are surveyed in-person, 99% prefer Vlad Putin’s version of “Blueberry Hill” to Fats Domino’s.

2.     Vladivostok voters would prefer to rename their city “Mar-A-Lago,” in order to improve the weather.

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING RESULT from SURVEYS of RUSSIAN VOTERS, JUST PRIOR to THEIR PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION is:

​     1.  Following their president’s lead, 84% of Russian voters favor Biden over Trump.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .