10. Head to “The Tenderloin” in civvies with Gavin Newsom and a fistful of “fifties.”
9. Call James Comer to see if those checks issued to Delaware shell corporations can still be canceled.
8. Visit one of our CCP “Police Stations,” to lead by example and personally browbeat a critic of our patriotic government.
7. Remove tie, apply for renewal of San Francisco County taxi driver hack license.
6. Check in to see if Connie Chung is available yet.
5. Walk into Mister Jiu’s restaurant, then order a rib-eye with onion rings, just for laughs.
4. At “The Punch Line” club downtown, begin stand-up routine with “So an Asian statesman walks into a bar, brandishing 400 nuclear weapons…”
3. Leaves a monotone voice mail at the White House: “The bombing will commence in five minutes.“
2. Approach one of our sales reps. on Haight Street, to see how the fentanyl is moving.
… and the number one item on President Xi’s “To Do” list before leaving San Francisco was:
1. Get Joseph Biden’s autograph … on that memo cancelling jet fighter sales to Taiwan.
