Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  ​“​The Texas Pipeline Massacre​“​    (Joseph Biden puts an end to American energy independence on his first day in office​, earning new billions for Vladimir Putin​)

 9.  ​“​Margaret Trudeau’s Baby​“​

 8. ​“​The Conjuring​ II“​   (A frightening glimpse of the New York City Council in session, moving from defunding NYPD, to removing statues, to new tax hikes, all with the dispatch of super-mega-villains)

 7. ​“​The Chappaqua Witch Project​“​

 6.  ​“​The Silence of the Mainstream Media Lambs​“​

 5.    ​“​An American Werewolf in NATO​“​    (Kamala helpfully reveals to attentive European leaders that we “could be on the brink of war in Europe.”)

 4.    ​“​Bride of Buttigieg​“​   (Even during a lengthy child care-leave sabbatical, our Transportation Secretary presses on with his heroic campaign to obliterate our “car culture”)

 3.     ​”​Son of Biden-stein​”​ (A privileged offspring with zero experience is granted riches wherever he wanders.)

 2.      ​“​They Look Like People​“​   (A news conference with “The Squad” reveals an eerie detachment from reality, including notions that Americans are undertaxed, stealing is social justice, war is peace,  victims are supremacists, first responders are racist…)

…and the NUMBER ONE HORROR MOVIE AWAITING RELEASE in 2022 is…

 1.   ​”​We Need to Talk About Nancy​”​    (With plastic surgery to rival “Chucky,” the Speaker maneuvers to punish the American people while enriching her own family.)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.     Iconic view of Mount Tochal from Tehran obscured by stacks of new ICBM missiles. 

9.       High-stepping Iranian Guards regiment leading off beloved “St. Patrick’s Day Parade” in Manhattan.

  8.        Front-page headline on “Cosmopolitan” magazine:   “EXCITING NEW BURQAS TO DRIVE HIM WILD!”

 7.         McDonalds  introduces espresso beverage:   Bani Sadr Tabriz Truffle

6.        For six days now, callers to Tel Aviv and Paris always get that creepy “busy circuit” buzz. 

5.          “People” magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive?”   — Supreme Leader Ali Khameni    (That vain Supreme Leader!   For the photo shoot, his robes were clearly more form fitting.)

 4.         Most popular baby names in the USA, 2021: ”Liam” and ”Olivia”

 Most popular baby names in the USA, 2022:  “Abdul-Fazi” and “Nazanin-Sahra” 

3.         The good news:   Finally, a woman appears on the $20 bill.           

 The bad news:   Thanks to the hijab, we can’t tell who she is. 

2.         “The Tonight Show’s” Jimmy Fallon goes on vacation.    

Guest host:    former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad  

And…. the #1 way Joseph Biden, Kamala and Antony Blinken can tell if Iran is cheating on the nuclear agreement they are planning : 

1.           At the 7th inning stretch in Dodger Stadium, public address announcer intones:                  “Gentlemen, please rise and remove your turbans, as we chant “Death to the Giants.”

****

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the ”Top Ten” for free, please visit www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the ”subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back. Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail [email protected] .

10.  What inflation?

 9.  Ask your question in a Freedom of Information Act request, and we’ll respond in Biden’s second term.  Guaranteed.

 8.  What exactly does your question have to do with “equity?”

  7.  That is a question better posed to Prime Minister Xavier Bettel, of the Grand Duchy of  Luxembourg.

  6.   Our president is indeed standing up for America, drawing a red line in the sands of Rehoboth Beach,

Delaware.

  5.    This administration is ready to ship billions to Iran once again…   Naturally, we don’t have a precise amount for you, at this time.

  4.   It would not be accurate to say that the Biden family has amassed $40 million through the President’s service in government.    Next question to MSNBC.

  3. Vice President Kamala is happy to take your questions.   Please submit them, in writing, in triplicate, to her Naval Observatory address.

  2.  The President is well aware of the difference between a trillion and a gazillion.

…and the NUMBER ONE JEN PSAKI ALTERNATIVE to SAYING ‘WE’LL CIRCLE BACK to YOU’ is:

   1.    The President just won’t have time for a press briefing after the summit.   He’s scheduled to wash his hair plugs at that time.

*****

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  “Re-elect Biden-Harris” T-shirts for all.

 9.  Make it to Texas, US Homeland Security buys “BBQ Restaurant Week” special for all migrants.

 8.  Enter lottery to become next host of “Reliable Sources” on CNN.   (Ratings would surely improve).

 7.  Set off metal detector, get free massage from three sensitivity-trained agents

 6.  Claim discrimination against the rancher whose tractor you stole, win tractor.

 5.  Each week, three migrants (shoes required) get to compete on “The Bachelorette”

 4. Migrants randomly selected to meet with Kamala to discuss “root causes” of illegal migration (only by Zoom, of course).

 3.   Wade across Rio Grande, audit a “Dr. Jill” course, tuition-free.

 2.   Snap selfie at the border wall, get TV shout out from Jen Psaki.

…and the NUMBER ONE BENEFIT AVAILABLE to ILLEGAL MIGRANTS at the BORDER is…

1. On midnight flights to secret airports, illegals with birthdays this month gets upgraded to business class.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2022 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .